man and woman about to kiss

In a world filled with diverse sexual dynamics and preferences, one topic seems to draw a line in the sand within the swinging world: KISSING. Yes, that seemingly simple act of lips meeting lips has become a subject of judgement and shame.

To shed light on the matter, we combed through a survey involving 386 individuals, and the results were nothing short of surprising . We discovered a wide range of opinions, showcasing both the positive and negative aspects of kissing, but mostly leaning toward negative. The one group that often faces undue judgment and negativity: those who adhere to the “NO Kissing” rule in the swinging lifestyle.

If you’d like to understand more and have an inclusive attitude towards swingers who have this rule, we take you through the psychology, biology, and cultural influences surrounding kissing. Hopefully, by the end, we’ll have provided you with a better understanding and more compassion for those who choose to skip smooching.

Are Your Nerve Endings Intimate?

Did you know that the lips have around a million different nerve endings? That’s more than enough to make your kissing sessions electrifying. Kissing is undeniably more intimate than other acts, a topic that is highly debatable. Maybe it’s because our lips have exponentially more nerve endings…one million….compared to our clitoris that has only 8,000 and a penis that has 4,000.

Have you ever tried kissing with your eyes wide open? It’s a whole new level of closeness! Or how about catching someone’s gaze while they’re eating you out or sucking your dick? The intensity of eye contact in those moments can send shivers down your spine. You can’t fake a kiss, but let’s be honest – how many times have you faked enjoyment during other sexual activities? Moaning when you weren’t really into it, pretending it felt amazing when it was just mediocre. Kissing, on the other hand, doesn’t leave much room for pretense.


Now, let’s talk about the dreaded “G” word – germs. When you think about swinger parties or orgies, it’s easy to see how kissing multiple people in a short span of time could lead to an exchange of bacteria. Add in some multiple pussy-eating and dick sucking adventures, and your body is left fighting off all kinds of foreign microorganisms. It’s no wonder we don’t always feel our best after such parties. And we haven’t even started on the topic of bacteria and the vagina! Did you know that a passionate kiss lasting more than 10 seconds can result in the exchange of 80 million bacteria? It’s enough to make you think twice before locking lips, isn’t it?

How Good Are Your Skills?

But let’s not be too quick to judge someone’s kissing skills. Perhaps they simply haven’t had enough practice or learned what their partner prefers. We all have different kissing styles – some prefer a darting tongue, while others enjoy a good sucking motion. Fresh breath, full lips, hairless lips – there are countless factors at play. And let’s not forget that not everyone is great at following directions or picking up on cues.

How can you tell if a kiss is bad? Well, if your partner constantly wipes their face, gasps for breath, or pulls away when you touch the back of their head, those might be clear signs. If you find yourself not enjoying the kiss or never asked for feedback, chances are there’s room for improvement…and hey, if your partner flat out tells you that you suck at kissing, well, it might be time to reconsider your technique.

PROS of Kissing

Now, let’s explore the pros of kissing. There’s a reason why it’s considered a timeless act of romance and passion:

  • Sparks Chemistry, Foreplay, and Arousal: Kissing serves as a catalyst for igniting passion and desire between partners.
  • Precursor to Sex: In the realm of swinging and sexual exploration, kissing often serves as an essential step. It allows individuals to gauge their compatibility and sexual chemistry before diving into more explicit activities.
  • Pair Bonding and Nurturing Effect: Kissing fosters a sense of emotional closeness and deepens the bond between partners. It’s a way to express love, affection, and care for one another.
  • Intimacy and Vulnerability: Kissing, with its inherent vulnerability, allows individuals to express their deep affection and emotional connection to their partner. It’s an intimate act that can create a profound sense of closeness and trust.

CONS of Kissing

However, like any other aspect of human interaction, kissing also has its cons:

  • Incompatibility in Kissing Styles: How many times has someone’s style not aligned with yours? This can lead to disappointment and a lack of fulfillment.
  • False Assumptions: Kissing leads to sex right? Expectations can result in disappointment when the encounter doesn’t progress as anticipated. Remember…not all kisses lead to the bedroom.
  • Intimacy and Vulnerability: some embrace it, and others find it uncomfortable or overwhelming.
  • Hygiene Concerns: germs, saliva, and breath odor can be legitimate concerns. These factors can impact the enjoyment of kissing, particularly in the context of swinger parties or orgies where there’s a higher risk of exchanging bacteria.

Cultural Influences and Diverse Practices

man and woman dressed in white, man kissing woman's forehead

Kissing holds different levels of significance across cultures. Surprisingly, a study conducted by the American Anthropological Association in 2015 found that 45% of North American cultures do not practice kissing in a romantic or sexual context.

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Cultural factors, such as oral hygiene practices and aversion to bodily fluids, can influence attitudes towards kissing. In cultures where dental care and oral hygiene are less emphasized, kissing may be viewed as less appealing due to concerns about breath odor and potential health risks associated with bacteria exchange.

Understanding Neurodivergent Perspectives

It’s essential to recognize that neurodivergent individuals often have different preferences and comfort levels when it comes to kissing. Some individuals may experience sensory sensitivities that make kissing unpleasant or overwhelming. For them, alternative forms of intimacy, such as caressing or exploring other preferred areas of the body, can be more appealing and comfortable.

The Ocean Kiss, which involves close facial proximity without mouth-to-mouth contact, is another option that can provide a satisfying level of intimacy without triggering sensory issues.

Identifying and Addressing Philemaphobia

Philemaphobia, the fear of kissing, is a condition that affects some individuals, particularly those who are young or inexperienced. This fear can stem from various factors, such as germophobia, fear of bodily odors, touch aversion, unaddressed trauma, or a fear of intimacy and vulnerability. Symptoms of philemaphobia can range from chills, increased heart rate, and nausea to shaking, shortness of breath, and sweating.

The good news is that philemaphobia can be effectively addressed through various treatments. Exposure therapy, for example, gradually exposes individuals to the fear-inducing stimuli, helping them become desensitized and alleviate their anxiety over time. In some cases, anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications may be prescribed to manage the symptoms. Emotional therapy provides a safe space for individuals to explore and overcome underlying fears and insecurities related to kissing.

Experimenting and Tossing Out the “Rule”!

When it comes to intimate encounters, it’s crucial to navigate personal boundaries and communicate openly. If kissing is a topic of concern or discomfort for you, it’s essential to express your needs and preferences to your partner(s) honestly and respectfully.

If you find you want to experiment by kissing someone other than your primary partner, interview that person or couple.

  • Have an initial conversation about what you like and don’t like.
  • Go slow and don’t expect an epic face eating makeout session.
  • Take small breaks in between kisses and express what you liked or didn’t like.
  • Practice watching your partner kiss someone else. If it gets uncomfortable, reach out by touching them and ask to be included. Maybe the three of you are all together embraced in a hug. If it is a MFF, maybe you switch between kissing the female and the male.

It’s all about experimenting and negotiating what feels good and safe to you. By negotiating a timeframe or level of intimacy that feels comfortable, everyone involved can feel respected and understood.


In conclusion, kissing is a complex and deeply personal act that evokes a wide range of emotions, preferences, and cultural influences. While it holds significant meaning for many individuals as a precursor to deeper connections and sexual exploration, it’s important to respect diverse perspectives and individual boundaries. Understanding the biological, psychological, and cultural factors at play can foster empathy and communication, enabling individuals to navigate intimate encounters with sensitivity and mutual consent.

So, whether you’re a passionate kisser who can’t get enough of the lip-locking action or someone who prefers alternative expressions of intimacy, remember that there’s no right or wrong way to approach kissing. The key is to find what works for you and your partner(s) and to create an environment of understanding, respect, and consent.

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Want More?

If you want more, or simply want to listen or watch us, check out our podcast and YouTube here!


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