How to get started swinging doesn’t have to be intimidating. If you’re new to swinging or curious about exploring it, we’ve compiled a comprehensive collection of our episodes to guide you through every step of the journey. Whether you’re a couple considering your first swinger event, building your online presence, or learning how to communicate boundaries effectively, our collection provides all the essential information you need to painlessly and confidently begin exploring the swinging lifestyle.
Swinging—also called partner swapping—is a form of ethical non-monogamy where couples engage in sexual activity with other individuals or couples, typically with complete transparency and consent from all partners involved. Our research-backed podcast doesn’t cover unrelated topics like drink recipes and aimless conversations. Instead, we focus on the hot and sexy facts of how to get started swinging successfully, from your first conversation as a couple to navigating your first event.
This complete beginner’s guide to swinging covers every phase of exploration: understanding whether the lifestyle is right for you, preparing your relationship, creating an attractive profile, attending events safely, and maintaining the connection that makes swinging work long-term. If you’re asking yourself “how do I get started swinging?” you’re in the right place. We hope you find this collection helpful and informative. Welcome aboard!
Table of Contents
Before you get started – Quick Checklist
Before diving into our episodes, here are essential things to prepare:
Communication & Boundaries
- Have an honest conversation with your partner about desires and limits
- Define your boundaries (soft swap vs. hard swap, specific acts that are off-limits)
- Establish a safe word or signal to pause if either person feels uncomfortable
- Discuss what happens if one partner develops feelings for someone else
Mental & Emotional Preparation
- Confirm both partners genuinely want this (not pressured by the other)
- Understand that jealousy may arise and have a plan to address it
- Recognize that swinging isn’t a fix for relationship problems
- Set realistic expectations for how quickly you’ll find play partners
- Accept that your first experience might not look like you imagined
Safety & Logistics
- Research reputable swinger platforms and events in your area
- Decide where you’ll meet potential partners (apps, websites, events, clubs)
- Create a profile that accurately represents you and your interests
- Establish a vetting process for couples you communicate with
- Discuss STI testing and safe sex practices
- Plan transportation and have a backup exit plan
Privacy & Discretion
- Decide who in your life knows about your swinging (most couples keep it private)
- Create separate email and messaging accounts if desired
- Understand what happens if someone you know encounters you
- Discuss how you’ll explain absences to family or friends
Frequently Asked Questions
For the “too long didn’t watch” folks, here are some quick questions and answers. We also have full episodes covering all these topics further down the page.
How do I get started swinging if I’ve never done it before?
The best way to get started swinging is to first have detailed conversations with your partner about desires, boundaries, and concerns. Then research reputable platforms and communities, create an authentic profile, and connect with other couples. Most people start by meeting other couples for drinks or dinner before anything physical happens. Take it slow, establish clear boundaries, and remember that your comfort level matters more than your timeline.
Swinging typically involves couples engaging in sexual activity with other people or couples while maintaining a committed primary relationship; emotional involvement with outside partners is usually not the goal. Open relationships may include emotional connections outside the primary relationship. Polyamory involves multiple committed romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Our focus is on swinging as ethical non-monogamy for couples.
What’s the difference between swinging, open relationships, and polyamory?
Swinging typically involves couples engaging in sexual activity with other people or couples while maintaining a committed primary relationship; emotional involvement with outside partners is usually not the goal. Open relationships may include emotional connections outside the primary relationship. Polyamory involves multiple committed romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Our focus is on swinging as ethical non-monogamy for couples.
Is swinging for everyone?
No, and Yes. Swinging works best for couples with strong communication, secure attachment, and aligned desires. Some people discover it’s not for them after exploring, and that’s completely normal. Our content will help you honestly assess whether it’s right for your relationship before you commit significant time and energy. We both believe that all couples could benefit from the open communication and free sexual expression that the lifestyle offers… but swapping partners may not be for everyone.
How many couples actually swing?
Research suggests 2-4% of Americans have engaged in swinging at some point, though estimates vary. The community is larger than many realize, but it’s still a niche lifestyle. You’re definitely not alone if you’re interested. And approximately 30% of the population in the United States has considered ethical non-monogamy as an option for their relationship style.
What should I do before my first swinger event?
Before attending, you should: discuss expectations with your partner, establish boundaries, research the event venue and rules, decide what you’re comfortable doing, arrange safe transportation, and have a plan for checking in during the event. Our episode “Swinger Events: Costs, Expectations, & Boundaries” covers this in detail.
How do I create a good swinger profile?
An effective profile includes recent, clear photos (face visible or partial face), honest descriptions of what you’re looking for, your boundaries, verification that you’re a real couple, and friendly communication style. Profiles that get responses are specific (not generic), respectful, and clearly state what you will and won’t do. We dedicated an entire episode to this: “How To Build Your Swinger or Dating Profile.”
How do I know if I’m ready to try swinging?
You’re likely ready if: both partners enthusiastically want to explore (not one person pushing the other), you can discuss the topic without anger or judgment, you have secure enough attachment that you can handle seeing your partner with someone else, and you’re doing it for the right reasons (curiosity and adventure, not relationship repair). Honest self-assessment is crucial.
What’s the difference between “hit and quit” versus dating other couples?
“Hit and quit” means one-time encounters with no expectation of seeing the couple again. Dating means developing ongoing connections with other couples, often with several encounters. Each has pros and cons depending on your lifestyle preferences. Our episode “Swinger Dating vs. Hit & Quit” explores both approaches.
Is swinging safe?
Swinging can be safe if you prioritize: STI testing and safe sex practices, meeting in public first before any private encounters, vetting couples thoroughly, trusting your gut about people, maintaining boundaries, and communicating constantly. Safety requires intention and preparation, but many couples swing for years without issues.
How do I keep swinging private?
Many people in the lifestyle keep it secret from family, friends, and coworkers. Common strategies include: using separate apps/accounts, meeting outside your immediate area, having cover stories for nights out, being cautious about what you share with friends, and accepting some paranoia is normal. Our episode “How to Keep Your Swinging Secret” addresses this extensively.
What should I bring to a swinger event?
Practical items include: condoms and lubricant, towels, a change of clothes, phone charger, cash, and personal hygiene items. Mental preparation is equally important: confidence, realistic expectations, and a willingness to leave if it’s not working. Our “Ho Bag” episode details everything.
Swinging Lifestyle 101
Understanding the Swinging Lifestyle
Swinging is built on three core principles: honesty, consent, and communication. Unlike infidelity (which involves deception), swinging is entirely consensual and transparent. Both partners agree on boundaries, and both must feel comfortable with decisions made.
The lifestyle takes many forms. Some couples attend swinger clubs where they meet people in person. Others use dedicated apps and websites to connect online first, then meet for drinks or dinner before deciding whether to meet privately. Some prefer threesomes (adding a third person to their relationship), while others prefer full “couple swaps” where both partners engage with different people simultaneously.
Most successful swingers emphasize that the primary relationship comes first. Swinging is an addition to an already-solid partnership, not a cure for relationship problems. Couples who communicate frequently, check in about how they’re feeling, and adjust boundaries as needed tend to have positive experiences.
Common Swinging Styles
- Soft Swap: Sexual activity that doesn’t include intercourse with outside partners
- Hard Swap: Full sexual activity including intercourse with outside partners
- Same-Room: Swinging activities happen in the same room so both partners can watch
- Different-Room: Partners engage separately and meet back up later
- Thirds/Unicorns: Adding a single person (usually a woman) to play with the couple
- MFM/FFM: Specific combinations involving men and women
- Couples Only: Only playing with other couples, not singles
Your Swinging Journey Roadmap
Phase 1: Exploration & Decision
Ready to learn how to get started swinging? First, decide if swinging is something you both genuinely want. This phase involves lots of conversation, reading, and honest self-assessment. Our episode “The Pleasures & Pitfalls of Swinging” covers the real benefits and challenges you might encounter.
Phase 2: Profile & Connection
Once you’ve decided to explore, you’ll need to present yourselves to the community. This means creating an authentic profile and learning how to communicate with potential play partners respectfully. See “How To Build Your Swinger or Dating Profile” for tactical advice.
Phase 3: First Experiences
Your first event, first meet-and-greet, or first encounter will likely be different than expected, and that’s okay. Going in with flexibility and a sense of humor helps. “Swinger Events: Costs, Expectations, & Boundaries” and “What Should be in Your Swinger ‘Ho’ Bag” prepare you for what to expect.
Phase 4: Building Momentum
After your first experience, you’ll decide whether to continue. Many couples realize they want to refine their approach—maybe they prefer certain types of people, venues, or styles. “How To Get A Second Swinger Date” helps you build on initial success without seeming desperate or creepy.
Phase 5: Ongoing Success
Long-term swingers prioritize consistent communication, regular boundary reviews, and maintaining their primary relationship as the center. Discretion remains important to protect your privacy at work and in your personal life. “How to Keep Your Swinging Secret” provides strategies for protecting your lifestyle choice.
Our Complete Getting Started Guide:
Here are our hand-picked episodes to help you along your journey of exploring your relationship and the exciting opportunities the ethical non-monogamy community has for you. Follow these links to see more of our episodes, or blog posts.
10 Reasons Why Swinging Could Change Your Relationship For The Better
If you’ve ever thought about swinging and nonmonogamy you’re not alone. In this episode we discuss some of the many reasons couples begin their journey into this alternative lifestyle or…
How To Admit You Want to Swing To Your Partner
How do you have that first conversation with your partner about swinging? This is a BIG ice breaker that will impact your relationship. We will cover ways to bring up…
The Pleasures & Pitfalls of Swinging
Every swing goes up and down, this one is no different. This episode discusses some of the benefits and downsides of the swinging lifestyle to help you figure out your…
How To Build Your Swinger or Dating Profile
Your online profile will either sink or swim any chance you have with prospective play partners. We have some tips for putting together a first-class profile that should make a…
Swinger Events: Costs, Expectations, & Boundaries
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In today’s course we are going to talk about dipping in to your first swinger event. We will cover: cost, boundaries, intent, goals, reconnecting, and the afterglow. Attending your first…
Swinger Dating vs. Hit & Quit
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Dating couples in the swing lifestyle has advantages and disadvantages. Some couples prefer to hit and quit. Depending on your swing style, dating as a couple is more challenging than…
What Should be in Your Swinger “Ho” bag!
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Are you ready to go when you get the call for fun? A little pre-planning can make the evening go more smoothly. We discuss what’s in our “Ho” bag, some…
How to Keep Your Swinging Secret
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How to keep the secret you are a swinger from your co-workers, friends and family. Lying is impossible to maintain, you’re bound to trip up, and there’s a better way.…
How To Get A Second Swinger Date
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How do you get a second swinger date with a couple? We talk about how to reach out to that other couple without sounding desperate or creepy, yet confident! SHOW…
