How to Discuss and Resolve Insecurity and Fears

When it comes to exploring the lifestyle with your partner, communication is key especially addressing insecurity and fears. It’s important to have open and honest conversations about your desires, boundaries, and fears. But what’s the ideal environment for having these conversations?

Ideal Environment

For us, the ideal conversation environment is in a place with no distractions or interruptions. We love sitting outside with a glass of scotch or whiskey, enjoying the intimate and romantic atmosphere we created on the deck outside our bedroom.  It’s important that our environment feels secluded, with no other ears around to hear what we’re discussing, and no interruptions!

We don’t prefer having lifestyle conversations in our bedroom, since we want to protect this space as a safe space, a place we reconnect, and area that is off-limits for lifestyle conversations in case a conversation got too heavy. 

Rules of Communication

Of course, rules of communication are important too. We believe that everyone should feel safe during the conversation, and that respecting each other’s perspectives is imperative. Nothing is off the table, when we have these conversations.  Remember to take a break from the conversation when needed. Sometimes your brain needs time to process the information and feelings before you can continue.

What Turns You On

When it comes to discussing sex with others, it’s important to explore what turns you on. For us, this included discussing our desires and bucket lists (orgies, exotic locations, exhibitionism, height, cultural, and ethnic differences). It’s also important to know specific sexual techniques get you off and be able to communicate that. We also explored our sexual preferences, such as being bi, as well as kinks like: nipple play, flogging, public sex, and anal play.

Fears and Insecurities

But it’s not just about the fun and titillating things. It’s important to address your fears and insecurities too. Some of our concerns included the fear of the lifestyle breaking us up, jealousy when seeing each other with other people, and wondering if we’re still the best sex for each other. It’s important to remember that everyone’s definition of “better” is different. We also discussed: unknowns that might occur at events, our expectations, how to deal with awkward conversations, as well as potential disasters like breaking a rule or a miscommunication.

Progression in the Lifestyle

It’s also important to note that some partners progress to finding a couple that they develop an emotional connection with. This can happen early on in the lifestyle or later.  Since this highly depends on your relationship dynamic, it’s important to discuss. Some couples gravitate to having a boyfriend or girlfriend and go on dates with them, even travel.

Communication and Compassion

At the end of the day, everything comes back to communication. Whether good or bad things happen, you have to be able to talk through it. So find that ideal environment, establish some rules of communication, and don’t be afraid to talk about sex and address your fears and insecurities. It may not always be comfortable, but it’s crucial for a healthy and happy relationship.