Top Signs You Might Be With the Wrong Couple – Swinger red flags!

[00:00:00:24 – 00:00:02:21]
Have you ever been out on a date and had

[00:00:02:21 – 00:00:03:16]
something happened that

[00:00:03:16 – 00:00:05:25]
made you question whether you

[00:00:05:25 – 00:00:07:03]
were with the right couple?

[00:00:07:03 – 00:00:09:22]
Maybe they said something or did

[00:00:09:22 – 00:00:11:07]
something that you didn’t

[00:00:11:07 – 00:00:15:15]
quite like or made you unsure

[00:00:15:15 – 00:00:16:21]
of where they stood.

[00:00:16:21 – 00:00:19:27]
We’re going to get into all of that today

[00:00:19:27 – 00:00:22:00]
and talk about red

[00:00:22:00 – 00:00:23:19]
flags in the lifestyle.

[00:00:23:19 – 00:00:29:09]
Welcome to Swinger University.

[00:00:29:09 – 00:00:30:04]
I’m Ed.

[00:00:30:04 – 00:00:30:28]
And I’m Phoebe.

[00:00:30:28 – 00:00:34:23]
We were inspired to bring this topic

[00:00:34:23 – 00:00:36:07]
forward, something

[00:00:36:07 – 00:00:37:10]
that’s been in our backlog.

[00:00:37:10 – 00:00:40:06]
We’ve talked about red flags before, but

[00:00:40:06 – 00:00:41:10]
there was a social media

[00:00:41:10 – 00:00:43:01]
post recently that really

[00:00:43:01 – 00:00:44:22]
resonated with us from

[00:00:44:22 – 00:00:46:23]
Kate at Wanderlust Swingers.

[00:00:46:23 – 00:00:49:28]
So we thought we’d kind of add our little

[00:00:49:28 – 00:00:51:13]
bit about it and tell

[00:00:51:13 – 00:00:52:13]
you some stories about

[00:00:52:13 – 00:00:54:26]
things that have happened to us and kind

[00:00:54:26 – 00:00:55:09]
of give you some

[00:00:55:09 – 00:00:57:06]
insight into our experiences.

[00:00:57:06 – 00:00:59:10]
So let’s start off with our story.

[00:00:59:10 – 00:01:02:03]
A while back, we’d met a couple at a

[00:01:02:03 – 00:01:03:15]
Halloween hotel takeover.

[00:01:03:15 – 00:01:05:00]
They were very nice.

[00:01:05:00 – 00:01:05:28]
They were a sexy couple.

[00:01:05:28 – 00:01:07:27]
And we said, “We want to get to know them

[00:01:07:27 – 00:01:08:25]
a little bit better.”

[00:01:08:25 – 00:01:13:01]
So we’d connected with them before the

[00:01:13:01 – 00:01:14:13]
New Year’s event and

[00:01:14:13 – 00:01:15:15]
decided to have a little

[00:01:15:15 – 00:01:18:06]
pre-party dinner and met

[00:01:18:06 – 00:01:19:16]
them at a local restaurant.

[00:01:19:16 – 00:01:20:15]
Yes.

[00:01:20:15 – 00:01:22:12]
Sounds really great, right?

[00:01:22:12 – 00:01:23:27]
I mean, it all sounds wonderful.

[00:01:23:27 – 00:01:25:21]
What’s the big deal, right?

[00:01:25:21 – 00:01:27:01]
It happens all the time with people.

[00:01:27:01 – 00:01:31:22]
So keep going with this story because I’m

[00:01:31:22 – 00:01:33:21]
curious on your take on

[00:01:33:21 – 00:01:34:28]
how you tell the story.

[00:01:34:28 – 00:01:36:17]
Yeah.

[00:01:36:17 – 00:01:38:00]
So we show up at the

[00:01:38:00 – 00:01:40:06]
restaurant and we’re…

[00:01:40:06 – 00:01:42:06]
I think they showed up on time.

[00:01:42:06 – 00:01:44:01]
No, they were late.

[00:01:44:01 – 00:01:44:21]
They were late.

[00:01:44:21 – 00:01:45:09]
They were late.

[00:01:45:09 – 00:01:46:16]
There’s first red flag.

[00:01:46:16 – 00:01:46:28]
Ding, ding.

[00:01:46:28 – 00:01:50:00]
We were seated and eventually they did

[00:01:50:00 – 00:01:50:24]
show up and we sent

[00:01:50:24 – 00:01:52:01]
them a message to let them

[00:01:52:01 – 00:01:53:02]
know that we’d already been seated.

[00:01:53:02 – 00:01:55:13]
And they were really late.

[00:01:55:13 – 00:01:58:09]
It was like a good half hour, I believe.

[00:01:58:09 – 00:02:00:27]
And I, at this point, was thinking…

[00:02:00:27 – 00:02:02:15]
They’re not going to show up.

[00:02:02:15 – 00:02:03:00]
Good grief.

[00:02:03:00 – 00:02:05:06]
We need to order and just get on because

[00:02:05:06 – 00:02:07:07]
the evening, there’s

[00:02:07:07 – 00:02:08:21]
timing involved, right?

[00:02:08:21 – 00:02:09:17]
You need to go back,

[00:02:09:17 – 00:02:11:01]
get changed, prepare.

[00:02:11:01 – 00:02:12:18]
There’s pre-parties and

[00:02:12:18 – 00:02:14:15]
then the party of the evening.

[00:02:14:15 – 00:02:17:22]
So time is of the essence.

[00:02:17:22 – 00:02:18:09]
Chop, chop.

[00:02:18:09 – 00:02:19:12]
More fun to be had.

[00:02:19:12 – 00:02:20:16]
Right.

[00:02:20:16 – 00:02:22:06]
So there we are.

[00:02:22:06 – 00:02:23:16]
We’re sitting in the middle of this

[00:02:23:16 – 00:02:27:00]
restaurant and I think we’d ordered

[00:02:27:00 – 00:02:28:03]
drinks, but we hadn’t

[00:02:28:03 – 00:02:29:21]
ordered dinner.

[00:02:29:21 – 00:02:30:10]
No, we did.

[00:02:30:10 – 00:02:31:20]
We’d already ordered dinner.

[00:02:31:20 – 00:02:33:09]
We were like, “Oh, we did.”

[00:02:33:09 – 00:02:34:05]
This is not going to happen.

[00:02:34:05 – 00:02:34:12]
Yes.

[00:02:34:12 – 00:02:35:25]
We just assumed they

[00:02:35:25 – 00:02:36:22]
weren’t going to show up.

[00:02:36:22 – 00:02:36:28]
Right.

[00:02:36:28 – 00:02:40:13]
So we’d ordered our meals and the

[00:02:40:13 – 00:02:42:18]
waitress was very accommodating.

[00:02:42:18 – 00:02:44:02]
Of course, she said, “Oh, you have two

[00:02:44:02 – 00:02:45:22]
people who are showing up,” etc., etc.

[00:02:45:22 – 00:02:48:19]
Our dinner arrives,

[00:02:48:19 – 00:02:50:22]
then the couple shows up.

[00:02:50:22 – 00:02:51:18]
Yeah.

[00:02:51:18 – 00:02:55:15]
So now that’s awkward and strange because

[00:02:55:15 – 00:02:57:13]
we’re like, “Wow, we

[00:02:57:13 – 00:02:58:02]
didn’t think you were

[00:02:58:02 – 00:02:58:27]
going to show up.”

[00:02:58:27 – 00:03:01:07]
We didn’t say that, but that was the

[00:03:01:07 – 00:03:03:02]
thought in my head and

[00:03:03:02 – 00:03:05:12]
probably very prevalent on

[00:03:05:12 – 00:03:06:01]
my face.

[00:03:06:01 – 00:03:08:12]
And now they’re sitting

[00:03:08:12 – 00:03:09:27]
there watching us eat.

[00:03:09:27 – 00:03:11:10]
That’s awkward.

[00:03:11:10 – 00:03:14:15]
So our food is getting cold while we’re

[00:03:14:15 – 00:03:15:07]
trying to have

[00:03:15:07 – 00:03:20:15]
conversation and not eat too right.

[00:03:20:15 – 00:03:22:19]
Much of our meal because their meal is

[00:03:22:19 – 00:03:23:09]
supposed to be coming.

[00:03:23:09 – 00:03:24:06]
All right.

[00:03:24:06 – 00:03:27:02]
Anyway, I’m already getting frustrated.

[00:03:27:02 – 00:03:30:15]
Yeah.

[00:03:30:15 – 00:03:35:05]
And they sit down and of course they

[00:03:35:05 – 00:03:37:00]
order, but they’re a

[00:03:37:00 – 00:03:39:22]
little short with the waitress

[00:03:39:22 – 00:03:40:16]
at this point.

[00:03:40:16 – 00:03:42:06]
They’re very short with her.

[00:03:42:06 – 00:03:45:13]
They take a while to pick

[00:03:45:13 – 00:03:46:19]
and choose what they want.

[00:03:46:19 – 00:03:50:24]
Yeah, so they’d order some special things

[00:03:50:24 – 00:03:51:27]
off the menu, but they

[00:03:51:27 – 00:03:52:21]
had a lot of questions

[00:03:52:21 – 00:03:53:10]
about it.

[00:03:53:10 – 00:03:54:15]
And that’s not unusual.

[00:03:54:15 – 00:03:56:04]
I mean, everybody’s got different dietary

[00:03:56:04 – 00:03:57:05]
requirements, so it

[00:03:57:05 – 00:03:58:01]
kind of makes sense that

[00:03:58:01 – 00:04:00:13]
they’re being a little specific about

[00:04:00:13 – 00:04:02:04]
what they want and

[00:04:02:04 – 00:04:03:24]
whether it’s going to work or

[00:04:03:24 – 00:04:04:06]
not.

[00:04:04:06 – 00:04:09:24]
Anyway, they order and the food arrives.

[00:04:09:24 – 00:04:12:25]
So they’re sitting with

[00:04:12:25 – 00:04:14:18]
the food and looking at it.

[00:04:14:18 – 00:04:16:19]
And the first question that she asked

[00:04:16:19 – 00:04:18:16]
was, was this under a heating lamp?

[00:04:18:16 – 00:04:21:06]
Who asks that?

[00:04:21:06 – 00:04:24:19]
They did.

[00:04:24:19 – 00:04:25:18]
Apparently.

[00:04:25:18 – 00:04:27:15]
I’ve never heard this question.

[00:04:27:15 – 00:04:29:19]
So I’m shocked.

[00:04:29:19 – 00:04:34:06]
And now it’s starting to build, right?

[00:04:34:06 – 00:04:35:07]
Because they’re late.

[00:04:35:07 – 00:04:36:25]
We’ve moved forward.

[00:04:36:25 – 00:04:38:03]
Our dinner’s getting cold.

[00:04:38:03 – 00:04:40:01]
We’re trying to be accommodating.

[00:04:40:01 – 00:04:42:03]
They’re having all these

[00:04:42:03 – 00:04:44:13]
questions and considerations.

[00:04:44:13 – 00:04:48:05]
And the server is speechless.

[00:04:48:05 – 00:04:51:09]
She was taking it back.

[00:04:51:09 – 00:04:54:22]
She was like, “Yeah, well, I think I

[00:04:54:22 – 00:04:56:00]
could go check, but we

[00:04:56:00 – 00:04:57:03]
do have heating lamps up

[00:04:57:03 – 00:04:58:25]
there, so most likely

[00:04:58:25 – 00:05:00:10]
it could have been.”

[00:05:00:10 – 00:05:02:24]
And she says what?

[00:05:02:24 – 00:05:04:13]
The woman who asked that

[00:05:04:13 – 00:05:05:07]
question, what did she say?

[00:05:05:07 – 00:05:07:22]
Well, if it’s been under a heating lamp,

[00:05:07:22 – 00:05:09:22]
then it has to go back to

[00:05:09:22 – 00:05:10:18]
the kitchen because this

[00:05:10:18 – 00:05:11:27]
is never supposed to

[00:05:11:27 – 00:05:13:13]
be under a heating lamp.

[00:05:13:13 – 00:05:15:18]
Awkward silence.

[00:05:15:18 – 00:05:18:09]
What do you…

[00:05:18:09 – 00:05:19:24]
Okay.

[00:05:19:24 – 00:05:21:18]
I mean, we’re not at a

[00:05:21:18 – 00:05:22:18]
five-star restaurant.

[00:05:22:18 – 00:05:23:25]
No.

[00:05:23:25 – 00:05:24:13]
I mean, this is a…

[00:05:24:13 – 00:05:26:00]
We’re at a very nice restaurant.

[00:05:26:00 – 00:05:26:06]
Yeah.

[00:05:26:06 – 00:05:28:16]
Probably a three, four-star maybe?

[00:05:28:16 – 00:05:29:16]
I don’t know.

[00:05:29:16 – 00:05:31:22]
It wasn’t cheap.

[00:05:31:22 – 00:05:32:25]
It’s in the mall.

[00:05:32:25 – 00:05:36:09]
Well, you make it sound

[00:05:36:09 – 00:05:39:00]
cheap by being in the mall.

[00:05:39:00 – 00:05:42:18]
There’s a bar, there’s wood

[00:05:42:18 – 00:05:45:04]
pants, really nice wood interior.

[00:05:45:04 – 00:05:46:24]
People dress up for this.

[00:05:46:24 – 00:05:48:03]
Yeah, this is a nice…

[00:05:48:03 – 00:05:49:16]
It’s a nice restaurant.

[00:05:49:16 – 00:05:50:13]
It’s a very nice restaurant.

[00:05:50:13 – 00:05:53:10]
But it’s not Ruth Chris.

[00:05:53:10 – 00:05:57:13]
It’s not a $500 meal.

[00:05:57:13 – 00:05:59:04]
This is not at the Four Seasons.

[00:05:59:04 – 00:05:59:28]
Right.

[00:05:59:28 – 00:06:02:15]
But it’s a nice restaurant.

[00:06:02:15 – 00:06:03:09]
It’s a nice restaurant.

[00:06:03:09 – 00:06:04:13]
It’s a very nice restaurant.

[00:06:04:13 – 00:06:09:16]
So now the food goes back.

[00:06:09:16 – 00:06:10:13]
Right.

[00:06:10:13 – 00:06:13:03]
And now there’s more awkward

[00:06:13:03 – 00:06:14:21]
conversation, which was

[00:06:14:21 – 00:06:17:18]
throwing me off because we’d had

[00:06:17:18 – 00:06:23:16]
such great conversation before at a okay,

[00:06:23:16 – 00:06:27:19]
like a two-star, what,

[00:06:27:19 – 00:06:29:24]
hotel diner where the

[00:06:29:24 – 00:06:33:28]
diner was just on its last legs, needed

[00:06:33:28 – 00:06:34:26]
to be poorly

[00:06:34:26 – 00:06:37:11]
redecorated, and the food was crap.

[00:06:37:11 – 00:06:39:18]
And they were fun and had

[00:06:39:18 – 00:06:41:09]
no issue with the food there.

[00:06:41:09 – 00:06:42:27]
So…

[00:06:42:27 – 00:06:43:09]
Right.

[00:06:43:09 – 00:06:45:27]
It was the hotel Denny’s.

[00:06:45:27 – 00:06:46:21]
It wasn’t a Denny’s.

[00:06:46:21 – 00:06:47:03]
Yeah, right.

[00:06:47:03 – 00:06:47:15]
It was…

[00:06:47:15 – 00:06:48:24]
The equivalent of that.

[00:06:48:24 – 00:06:49:09]
Right.

[00:06:49:09 – 00:06:52:13]
So we’re like, “Wow, where did this…”

[00:06:52:13 – 00:06:53:26]
Who’s this couple?

[00:06:53:26 – 00:06:56:22]
Where did that come from when you were

[00:06:56:22 – 00:06:59:18]
okay with Denny’s, but

[00:06:59:18 – 00:07:01:24]
now you’re not okay with…

[00:07:01:24 – 00:07:04:00]
Yeah, I’m confused.

[00:07:04:00 – 00:07:09:06]
It was very incongruous with who we’d

[00:07:09:06 – 00:07:10:26]
connected with before.

[00:07:10:26 – 00:07:11:18]
Yeah.

[00:07:11:18 – 00:07:12:25]
Which…

[00:07:12:25 – 00:07:14:12]
They were replaced by aliens.

[00:07:14:12 – 00:07:16:19]
Which is a red flag for

[00:07:16:19 – 00:07:18:24]
us because here it is.

[00:07:18:24 – 00:07:23:15]
We’ve gone through the whole song and

[00:07:23:15 – 00:07:24:22]
dance of getting to know

[00:07:24:22 – 00:07:27:24]
a couple and then you have

[00:07:27:24 – 00:07:29:16]
a second interaction with them and it’s

[00:07:29:16 – 00:07:30:26]
not the same couple.

[00:07:30:26 – 00:07:32:24]
Yeah.

[00:07:32:24 – 00:07:34:09]
This is bizarro behavior.

[00:07:34:09 – 00:07:35:10]
You think…

[00:07:35:10 – 00:07:37:28]
This is the whole…

[00:07:37:28 – 00:07:39:09]
…they’ve been replaced by aliens, right?

[00:07:39:09 – 00:07:39:19]
Right.

[00:07:39:19 – 00:07:43:07]
This is that whole conversation that

[00:07:43:07 – 00:07:45:16]
people have with us about people…

[00:07:45:16 – 00:07:47:24]
We find some people just aren’t genuine

[00:07:47:24 – 00:07:49:01]
and we’re like, “What do you mean?”

[00:07:49:01 – 00:07:50:18]
Well, this…

[00:07:50:18 – 00:07:53:10]
What explains that?

[00:07:53:10 – 00:07:53:27]
Maybe they weren’t

[00:07:53:27 – 00:07:56:09]
genuine before or they are now.

[00:07:56:09 – 00:07:58:18]
Their real faces are coming out now and

[00:07:58:18 – 00:08:00:05]
it was before it was just an acting job.

[00:08:00:05 – 00:08:01:03]
Who knows?

[00:08:01:03 – 00:08:03:18]
It was puzzling.

[00:08:03:18 – 00:08:05:21]
So, we’ve never…

[00:08:05:21 – 00:08:08:27]
Honestly, I’ve never encountered this in

[00:08:08:27 – 00:08:12:03]
anywhere of my life, whether it’s

[00:08:12:03 – 00:08:12:24]
swinging or vanilla.

[00:08:12:24 – 00:08:16:01]
So it was quite shocking to me.

[00:08:16:01 – 00:08:16:12]
Okay.

[00:08:16:12 – 00:08:18:03]
So, dinner comes.

[00:08:18:03 – 00:08:19:27]
Second dinner comes, right?

[00:08:19:27 – 00:08:22:21]
And the waitress was apologizing.

[00:08:22:21 – 00:08:25:21]
She said it wasn’t under the heat lamp.

[00:08:25:21 – 00:08:31:00]
And I’m at this point mouthing, “I’m

[00:08:31:00 – 00:08:32:08]
sorry” to the waitress

[00:08:32:08 – 00:08:33:28]
because she just looks really

[00:08:33:28 – 00:08:34:15]
distraught.

[00:08:34:15 – 00:08:35:04]
Right.

[00:08:35:04 – 00:08:38:22]
And she’s young and she just looked like

[00:08:38:22 – 00:08:39:16]
she was about to cry.

[00:08:39:16 – 00:08:42:06]
So now I feel bad for the waitress.

[00:08:42:06 – 00:08:45:01]
And it was worse than that because it

[00:08:45:01 – 00:08:46:16]
wasn’t just this whole

[00:08:46:16 – 00:08:47:25]
sending the meal back and

[00:08:47:25 – 00:08:49:01]
her having to bring it out.

[00:08:49:01 – 00:08:50:24]
That you could kind of

[00:08:50:24 – 00:08:53:04]
go, “That’s somewhat normal.

[00:08:53:04 – 00:08:54:04]
Maybe it was something off.

[00:08:54:04 – 00:08:55:06]
Maybe it was spicy.

[00:08:55:06 – 00:08:58:15]
Maybe they’d included the mushrooms in

[00:08:58:15 – 00:08:59:26]
the dish and the person

[00:08:59:26 – 00:09:00:19]
had said, “I don’t want

[00:09:00:19 – 00:09:01:00]
mushrooms.”

[00:09:01:00 – 00:09:02:09]
Yeah.

[00:09:02:09 – 00:09:04:19]
They actually started

[00:09:04:19 – 00:09:07:06]
getting rude and snippy with her.

[00:09:07:06 – 00:09:08:00]
That’s right.

[00:09:08:00 – 00:09:10:24]
And very, very dismissive with her.

[00:09:10:24 – 00:09:16:24]
And that’s when we started kind of

[00:09:16:24 – 00:09:20:00]
apologizing for what was going on.

[00:09:20:00 – 00:09:21:28]
And we felt very

[00:09:21:28 – 00:09:23:10]
uncomfortable sitting there.

[00:09:23:10 – 00:09:25:27]
This is where I start racking up how much

[00:09:25:27 – 00:09:27:00]
tip she’s going to get

[00:09:27:00 – 00:09:28:21]
at the end of the meal

[00:09:28:21 – 00:09:31:01]
to compensate for their poor behavior.

[00:09:31:01 – 00:09:32:00]
Because I’m like, “Oh

[00:09:32:00 – 00:09:33:18]
my God, this poor woman.”

[00:09:33:18 – 00:09:34:22]
Right.

[00:09:34:22 – 00:09:37:24]
And so now this couple who we were trying

[00:09:37:24 – 00:09:40:28]
to connect with and build

[00:09:40:28 – 00:09:42:03]
even better relationship

[00:09:42:03 – 00:09:44:07]
with them, now we’re thinking in the back

[00:09:44:07 – 00:09:44:28]
of our heads, “Holy

[00:09:44:28 – 00:09:45:21]
crap, they’re going to

[00:09:45:21 – 00:09:47:10]
cost us more money because we’re going to

[00:09:47:10 – 00:09:48:15]
have to like over tip

[00:09:48:15 – 00:09:50:25]
this waitress to make

[00:09:50:25 – 00:09:54:03]
up for their poor behavior.”

[00:09:54:03 – 00:09:54:23]
Right.

[00:09:54:23 – 00:09:59:00]
It was really disturbing.

[00:09:59:00 – 00:10:00:10]
Yeah.

[00:10:00:10 – 00:10:00:16]
Yes.

[00:10:00:16 – 00:10:02:06]
And then, so the meal

[00:10:02:06 – 00:10:05:12]
comes and they don’t even eat.

[00:10:05:12 – 00:10:08:00]
They picked at it.

[00:10:08:00 – 00:10:13:06]
They spent, I don’t know, 30, $40 on each

[00:10:13:06 – 00:10:16:12]
of their plates and they just picked.

[00:10:16:12 – 00:10:18:19]
She didn’t even eat.

[00:10:18:19 – 00:10:21:18]
The woman who was the biggest complainer

[00:10:21:18 – 00:10:24:06]
was just picking at it.

[00:10:24:06 – 00:10:25:06]
Yeah.

[00:10:25:06 – 00:10:29:08]
So we were really, really confused.

[00:10:29:08 – 00:10:33:01]
I wished I was sitting on the outside

[00:10:33:01 – 00:10:34:01]
because it was a booth.

[00:10:34:01 – 00:10:36:27]
If we had been sitting in chairs and a

[00:10:36:27 – 00:10:37:19]
table, I would have

[00:10:37:19 – 00:10:40:04]
got my ass up and left.

[00:10:40:04 – 00:10:41:21]
Yes, I know a lot of people are saying,

[00:10:41:21 – 00:10:42:19]
“Oh my God, you should

[00:10:42:19 – 00:10:43:12]
have just kicked them out

[00:10:43:12 – 00:10:44:23]
of the booth and left anyway.”

[00:10:44:23 – 00:10:47:18]
But I didn’t want to create a scene.

[00:10:47:18 – 00:10:48:19]
It was a busy restaurant.

[00:10:48:19 – 00:10:49:28]
It was a nice place.

[00:10:49:28 – 00:10:52:07]
I wasn’t interested in

[00:10:52:07 – 00:10:53:18]
having all eyes on me.

[00:10:53:18 – 00:10:55:22]
Well, and here’s the thing.

[00:10:55:22 – 00:10:58:28]
Do you add insult to injury?

[00:10:58:28 – 00:11:01:10]
Do you continue to escalate it?

[00:11:01:10 – 00:11:01:13]
Right.

[00:11:01:13 – 00:11:03:21]
Or do you just kind of let it

[00:11:03:21 – 00:11:07:03]
go and then sort it out later?

[00:11:07:03 – 00:11:09:01]
And run as fast as you

[00:11:09:01 – 00:11:10:04]
can once you get away.

[00:11:10:04 – 00:11:12:19]
Oh my God.

[00:11:12:19 – 00:11:14:24]
So the check comes.

[00:11:14:24 – 00:11:15:24]
We over tip.

[00:11:15:24 – 00:11:19:13]
We may have walked up to the waitress and

[00:11:19:13 – 00:11:20:13]
said, “I apologize.”

[00:11:20:13 – 00:11:25:21]
And once we left the restaurant, we

[00:11:25:21 – 00:11:27:03]
steered clear of them

[00:11:27:03 – 00:11:28:18]
the rest of the night.

[00:11:28:18 – 00:11:33:01]
Thank God it was a massive party and easy

[00:11:33:01 – 00:11:35:28]
to get lost because I

[00:11:35:28 – 00:11:36:27]
didn’t want to see them

[00:11:36:27 – 00:11:37:28]
ever again.

[00:11:37:28 – 00:11:41:18]
And ironically, we’ve never seen them.

[00:11:41:18 – 00:11:42:12]
No, that’s not true.

[00:11:42:12 – 00:11:43:03]
We did see…

[00:11:43:03 – 00:11:45:21]
We ran into her at a house party.

[00:11:45:21 – 00:11:49:27]
And her behavior was the same.

[00:11:49:27 – 00:11:53:19]
She sat in a corner while some other

[00:11:53:19 – 00:11:55:16]
single guy came up and

[00:11:55:16 – 00:11:58:00]
gave her food, brought her

[00:11:58:00 – 00:12:00:28]
food to her table, and she had this whole

[00:12:00:28 – 00:12:02:28]
look down her nose at everybody.

[00:12:02:28 – 00:12:05:28]
We described it at the time as she was

[00:12:05:28 – 00:12:10:13]
holding court, which was very strange.

[00:12:10:13 – 00:12:12:00]
This was a small house party.

[00:12:12:00 – 00:12:15:19]
This was not something super lavish, et

[00:12:15:19 – 00:12:16:18]
cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:12:16:18 – 00:12:19:10]
And the food was mac and cheese and spam

[00:12:19:10 – 00:12:21:12]
and it wasn’t elaborate.

[00:12:21:12 – 00:12:24:19]
Maybe she just didn’t want to be seen at

[00:12:24:19 – 00:12:26:00]
the table because it was beneath her.

[00:12:26:00 – 00:12:27:00]
Who knows?

[00:12:27:00 – 00:12:29:03]
It was so weird.

[00:12:29:03 – 00:12:30:24]
Oh my gosh.

[00:12:30:24 – 00:12:33:19]
Anyway, red flag.

[00:12:33:19 – 00:12:37:07]
Lots of red flags

[00:12:37:07 – 00:12:38:15]
with that particular one.

[00:12:38:15 – 00:12:41:22]
So needless to say, we wrote them off.

[00:12:41:22 – 00:12:45:12]
We haven’t engaged them since then.

[00:12:45:12 – 00:12:46:25]
And they’re gone.

[00:12:46:25 – 00:12:47:26]
Thank goodness.

[00:12:47:26 – 00:12:50:23]
One of the other things that we’ve seen

[00:12:50:23 – 00:12:54:15]
happen with couples is

[00:12:54:15 – 00:12:58:07]
one of them is very quiet.

[00:12:58:07 – 00:12:59:11]
Yeah.

[00:12:59:11 – 00:13:03:07]
And it’s not just one as an introvert,

[00:13:03:07 – 00:13:04:12]
one as an extrovert.

[00:13:04:12 – 00:13:05:22]
It goes beyond that.

[00:13:05:22 – 00:13:08:06]
So we’ve met a number of

[00:13:08:06 – 00:13:08:28]
couples in the lifestyle.

[00:13:08:28 – 00:13:11:18]
It’s not really common, but it happens

[00:13:11:18 – 00:13:14:07]
often enough where you

[00:13:14:07 – 00:13:16:16]
should be aware of this happening.

[00:13:16:16 – 00:13:18:18]
And that’s that the wife

[00:13:18:18 – 00:13:21:25]
doesn’t do any talking at all.

[00:13:21:25 – 00:13:23:04]
And the husband

[00:13:23:04 – 00:13:24:27]
basically answers for her.

[00:13:24:27 – 00:13:26:28]
Yeah, that’s creepy.

[00:13:26:28 – 00:13:32:26]
Well, I shouldn’t say that because it

[00:13:32:26 – 00:13:33:28]
could be a Dom sub

[00:13:33:28 – 00:13:36:25]
relationship, but they haven’t

[00:13:36:25 – 00:13:41:12]
come forward and informed us that that’s

[00:13:41:12 – 00:13:44:04]
the role that they’re

[00:13:44:04 – 00:13:45:23]
displaying that evening.

[00:13:45:23 – 00:13:50:16]
So we have sort of run into that early on

[00:13:50:16 – 00:13:53:04]
where we weren’t allowed to talk to her.

[00:13:53:04 – 00:13:57:11]
We could only talk to him, but we figured

[00:13:57:11 – 00:13:59:21]
that out years later

[00:13:59:21 – 00:14:00:23]
and we didn’t understand

[00:14:00:23 – 00:14:01:27]
what was going on there.

[00:14:01:27 – 00:14:02:16]
Right.

[00:14:02:16 – 00:14:04:25]
I think that was one of our first parties

[00:14:04:25 – 00:14:06:03]
ever when that happened.

[00:14:06:03 – 00:14:10:15]
Yeah, it could be, but it may also not be

[00:14:10:15 – 00:14:12:00]
knowing what I know now.

[00:14:12:00 – 00:14:15:11]
If I run into that again, that would be

[00:14:15:11 – 00:14:16:28]
the first question that I ask.

[00:14:16:28 – 00:14:19:07]
Are you in a Dom sub relationship?

[00:14:19:07 – 00:14:22:00]
If they don’t disclose that I can ask

[00:14:22:00 – 00:14:23:00]
that if they say no,

[00:14:23:00 – 00:14:24:24]
then I know for sure.

[00:14:24:24 – 00:14:25:19]
Red flag.

[00:14:25:19 – 00:14:28:18]
Yeah.

[00:14:28:18 – 00:14:31:11]
And the thing that’s kind of weird for us

[00:14:31:11 – 00:14:34:06]
is it really starts to bring up questions

[00:14:34:06 – 00:14:36:03]
of consent.

[00:14:36:03 – 00:14:39:10]
Are they on the same page?

[00:14:39:10 – 00:14:41:18]
Are they telling the same story?

[00:14:41:18 – 00:14:44:27]
And the body language there is they’re

[00:14:44:27 – 00:14:46:04]
not on the same page.

[00:14:46:04 – 00:14:48:09]
That the wife’s kind of going along with

[00:14:48:09 – 00:14:50:03]
it or the husband’s

[00:14:50:03 – 00:14:52:03]
like, we’re calling out the

[00:14:52:03 – 00:14:53:15]
misses at this point, but it

[00:14:53:15 – 00:14:55:01]
doesn’t have to be that way.

[00:14:55:01 – 00:14:57:06]
It could also be the husband, although it

[00:14:57:06 – 00:14:59:18]
tends to be the wife

[00:14:59:18 – 00:15:01:15]
that’s in this situation.

[00:15:01:15 – 00:15:04:08]
Another interesting situation that’s

[00:15:04:08 – 00:15:06:11]
similar to this is where

[00:15:06:11 – 00:15:09:18]
the couples are, it appears

[00:15:09:18 – 00:15:10:21]
that they’re on different pages.

[00:15:10:21 – 00:15:14:12]
So the husband seems super gung ho and

[00:15:14:12 – 00:15:17:00]
all on board, but then

[00:15:17:00 – 00:15:19:06]
you’ll have one of those

[00:15:19:06 – 00:15:24:01]
bathroom conversations with the wife and

[00:15:24:01 – 00:15:25:25]
something will come up that kind of

[00:15:25:25 – 00:15:26:27]
pricks up your ears.

[00:15:26:27 – 00:15:28:00]
Yeah.

[00:15:28:00 – 00:15:33:00]
They present well and it seems like

[00:15:33:00 – 00:15:35:03]
they’re there with the same purpose.

[00:15:35:03 – 00:15:36:09]
They’re on the same page.

[00:15:36:09 – 00:15:38:21]
Like you said, you have this conversation

[00:15:38:21 – 00:15:41:10]
with the husband, the all thumbs up.

[00:15:41:10 – 00:15:45:15]
I go to the bathroom and she’s hesitant.

[00:15:45:15 – 00:15:48:23]
There’s something, as you said, pricks my

[00:15:48:23 – 00:15:51:19]
ears and I go, hmm,

[00:15:51:19 – 00:15:53:03]
they are not on the same

[00:15:53:03 – 00:15:53:18]
page.

[00:15:53:18 – 00:15:55:21]
So this is a no go.

[00:15:55:21 – 00:15:59:24]
The last story we have is when the

[00:15:59:24 – 00:16:01:11]
husband orders the wife around.

[00:16:01:11 – 00:16:03:16]
Oh my gosh, we were at this party.

[00:16:03:16 – 00:16:04:13]
It was so disturbing.

[00:16:04:13 – 00:16:07:16]
I’m going to call him cowboy because he’s

[00:16:07:16 – 00:16:08:10]
wearing a cowboy hat

[00:16:08:10 – 00:16:10:25]
and he was talking really

[00:16:10:25 – 00:16:11:15]
fast.

[00:16:11:15 – 00:16:16:07]
He was tearing at his wife’s clothes.

[00:16:16:07 – 00:16:18:15]
He’s like, he’s like, honey, honey, you

[00:16:18:15 – 00:16:19:23]
need to show more tit.

[00:16:19:23 – 00:16:23:04]
And so he’s like tugging at her blouse.

[00:16:23:04 – 00:16:26:01]
She’s trying to like kind of pull the

[00:16:26:01 – 00:16:28:10]
buttons open instead of

[00:16:28:10 – 00:16:30:00]
just gently unbuttoning her

[00:16:30:00 – 00:16:33:06]
blouse, which there was no consent there.

[00:16:33:06 – 00:16:35:01]
And he wasn’t doing it in a nice, even

[00:16:35:01 – 00:16:36:13]
asking it a nice way.

[00:16:36:13 – 00:16:39:00]
He’s tugging at her blouse

[00:16:39:00 – 00:16:40:13]
and I’m like, right, right.

[00:16:40:13 – 00:16:41:21]
Well, that’s rude.

[00:16:41:21 – 00:16:44:00]
Why are you, you’re

[00:16:44:00 – 00:16:46:22]
demeaning your wife in front of us.

[00:16:46:22 – 00:16:48:13]
That’s not cool.

[00:16:48:13 – 00:16:49:01]
Yeah.

[00:16:49:01 – 00:16:52:03]
And it was almost worse than that at

[00:16:52:03 – 00:16:54:15]
times because it was like

[00:16:54:15 – 00:16:56:06]
junior high school where

[00:16:56:06 – 00:16:59:12]
the boys run up and like punch the girls

[00:16:59:12 – 00:17:00:18]
because they like them.

[00:17:00:18 – 00:17:03:10]
He was doing that kind of stuff with her,

[00:17:03:10 – 00:17:06:03]
which was, it was really weird.

[00:17:06:03 – 00:17:09:01]
And it was so disappointing

[00:17:09:01 – 00:17:10:21]
because they were a hot couple.

[00:17:10:21 – 00:17:12:25]
Like they dressed nicely.

[00:17:12:25 – 00:17:17:10]
They were sexy for sure.

[00:17:17:10 – 00:17:20:10]
And we were really into them.

[00:17:20:10 – 00:17:23:16]
Like, yeah, let’s have a chit chat.

[00:17:23:16 – 00:17:25:25]
Let’s make this happen.

[00:17:25:25 – 00:17:26:25]
Let’s see where this goes.

[00:17:26:25 – 00:17:29:15]
Literally we walked across the dance

[00:17:29:15 – 00:17:31:09]
floor to go talk to them.

[00:17:31:09 – 00:17:35:25]
And as the conversation progressed, it

[00:17:35:25 – 00:17:36:27]
was clear he was trying

[00:17:36:27 – 00:17:38:09]
to peacock her in some

[00:17:38:09 – 00:17:39:03]
way, right?

[00:17:39:03 – 00:17:41:00]
Like really push her forward and go, no,

[00:17:41:00 – 00:17:43:07]
no, really you want to connect with us.

[00:17:43:07 – 00:17:44:18]
Here’s my wife.

[00:17:44:18 – 00:17:46:19]
Yeah, that was weird.

[00:17:46:19 – 00:17:47:22]
Awkward.

[00:17:47:22 – 00:17:49:08]
Strange.

[00:17:49:08 – 00:17:51:27]
Definitely a red flag.

[00:17:51:27 – 00:17:53:22]
Definitely a red flag.

[00:17:53:22 – 00:17:54:17]
Yeah.

[00:17:54:17 – 00:17:55:15]
Okay.

[00:17:55:15 – 00:17:59:06]
The, another thing that we’ve

[00:17:59:06 – 00:18:01:10]
encountered, that’s a red flag, is

[00:18:01:10 – 00:18:03:13]
unreciprocated flirting

[00:18:03:13 – 00:18:09:27]
where one partner’s standoffish and it’s

[00:18:09:27 – 00:18:10:19]
either going to be

[00:18:10:19 – 00:18:11:15]
the wife or the husband.

[00:18:11:15 – 00:18:14:00]
So it plays off of what we were talking

[00:18:14:00 – 00:18:15:12]
about before, but the

[00:18:15:12 – 00:18:16:15]
flirting isn’t there.

[00:18:16:15 – 00:18:19:19]
So sometimes once again, it could be that

[00:18:19:19 – 00:18:21:15]
they’re, one’s an

[00:18:21:15 – 00:18:22:27]
extrovert, one’s an introvert,

[00:18:22:27 – 00:18:24:07]
one’s not really great at flirting.

[00:18:24:07 – 00:18:26:07]
Could be that they’ve been in the

[00:18:26:07 – 00:18:27:18]
lifestyle, not been in

[00:18:27:18 – 00:18:28:24]
the lifestyle very long.

[00:18:28:24 – 00:18:30:01]
They’ve been married 30 years.

[00:18:30:01 – 00:18:31:06]
They don’t even know

[00:18:31:06 – 00:18:32:10]
how to flirt anymore.

[00:18:32:10 – 00:18:35:16]
I mean, that’s kind of how I was.

[00:18:35:16 – 00:18:37:28]
I mean, we hadn’t been in a relationship

[00:18:37:28 – 00:18:39:24]
for a long time when we

[00:18:39:24 – 00:18:40:19]
first started swinging,

[00:18:40:19 – 00:18:43:21]
but I felt like I sucked at flirting.

[00:18:43:21 – 00:18:45:23]
I had to really up my flirt game.

[00:18:45:23 – 00:18:48:28]
I wouldn’t say you were bad at it, but

[00:18:48:28 – 00:18:50:16]
yes, I think you were

[00:18:50:16 – 00:18:51:20]
uncomfortable with it.

[00:18:51:20 – 00:18:52:27]
I was uncomfortable with it.

[00:18:52:27 – 00:18:54:18]
You were really good at it.

[00:18:54:18 – 00:18:57:01]
I like flirting.

[00:18:57:01 – 00:18:58:00]
I’m a big flirt.

[00:18:58:00 – 00:19:00:15]
Why I was uncomfortable with it was

[00:19:00:15 – 00:19:02:03]
because in the past

[00:19:02:03 – 00:19:06:03]
flirting got a lot of unwanted

[00:19:06:03 – 00:19:08:27]
attention when I just

[00:19:08:27 – 00:19:11:07]
was trying to flirt.

[00:19:11:07 – 00:19:13:15]
It wasn’t, it went

[00:19:13:15 – 00:19:15:00]
from zero to a hundred.

[00:19:15:00 – 00:19:19:15]
I would be a good listener or I’d give

[00:19:19:15 – 00:19:21:03]
some flirty eyes or a

[00:19:21:03 – 00:19:22:00]
little shrug of a shoulder

[00:19:22:00 – 00:19:25:22]
or something, shift my pose, right?

[00:19:25:22 – 00:19:27:25]
The things that we do when we flirt, bat

[00:19:27:25 – 00:19:29:01]
the eyes, like I said.

[00:19:29:01 – 00:19:30:19]
And all of a sudden that meant

[00:19:30:19 – 00:19:32:00]
I want to go to bed with you.

[00:19:32:00 – 00:19:33:12]
I’m like, um, no.

[00:19:33:12 – 00:19:35:24]
Like, wait. Wait, we were having a

[00:19:35:24 – 00:19:37:00]
really nice conversation here.

[00:19:37:00 – 00:19:41:13]
And so men actually trained me not to

[00:19:41:13 – 00:19:45:04]
flirt because they went so far with it.

[00:19:45:04 – 00:19:46:16]
I didn’t know what to do with that.

[00:19:46:16 – 00:19:46:25]
Right.

[00:19:46:25 – 00:19:49:27]
Because now we’re way down the road and

[00:19:49:27 – 00:19:52:00]
I’m still back here at the stop sign.

[00:19:52:00 – 00:19:54:00]
Yeah.

[00:19:54:00 – 00:19:57:06]
Guys tend to go with it and they get the

[00:19:57:06 – 00:20:00:09]
slightest green light and

[00:20:00:09 – 00:20:01:04]
they’re just going to, they’re

[00:20:01:04 – 00:20:02:12]
just going to go in for it.

[00:20:02:12 – 00:20:03:18]
So I get that.

[00:20:03:18 – 00:20:07:22]
This one’s very similar to the previous

[00:20:07:22 – 00:20:08:16]
examples that we were

[00:20:08:16 – 00:20:10:10]
giving where you’re getting mixed

[00:20:10:10 – 00:20:14:04]
signals and some of its nerves, some of

[00:20:14:04 – 00:20:15:20]
it’s just not being ready.

[00:20:15:20 – 00:20:18:05]
Some of that’s the husbands maybe had a

[00:20:18:05 – 00:20:19:16]
little bit more to drink than the wife.

[00:20:19:16 – 00:20:21:07]
I’ve definitely been in that situation

[00:20:21:07 – 00:20:23:28]
before where my, my

[00:20:23:28 – 00:20:26:09]
flirt gets extra when I, when

[00:20:26:09 – 00:20:27:07]
I drink a little bit.

[00:20:27:07 – 00:20:29:05]
I start writing a lot of checks.

[00:20:29:05 – 00:20:33:00]
But it can be other things too.

[00:20:33:00 – 00:20:35:02]
It could just be that

[00:20:35:02 – 00:20:36:04]
one of them is tired.

[00:20:36:04 – 00:20:37:09]
They had a long week.

[00:20:37:09 – 00:20:41:22]
And so you kind of have to give them a

[00:20:41:22 – 00:20:44:28]
little bit of, yeah,

[00:20:44:28 – 00:20:49:08]
maybe it’s not a red flag yet,

[00:20:49:08 – 00:20:52:24]
but watch for this as a pattern.

[00:20:52:24 – 00:20:54:06]
Like every time you get together with

[00:20:54:06 – 00:20:56:15]
them, if it seems to be

[00:20:56:15 – 00:20:59:09]
the same, that could very

[00:20:59:09 – 00:21:01:15]
well be the red flag.

[00:21:01:15 – 00:21:02:13]
Right.

[00:21:02:13 – 00:21:03:07]
Right.

[00:21:03:07 – 00:21:04:17]
If you’re, if you’re really looking for

[00:21:04:17 – 00:21:05:25]
that, a stronger

[00:21:05:25 – 00:21:07:04]
connection, you really want to

[00:21:07:04 – 00:21:10:13]
know them well, take the time, don’t have

[00:21:10:13 – 00:21:11:01]
sex with them that

[00:21:11:01 – 00:21:12:21]
night, you know, meet them

[00:21:12:21 – 00:21:13:00]
again.

[00:21:13:00 – 00:21:15:00]
And if the pattern still exists, then

[00:21:15:00 – 00:21:16:12]
that may be the red flag.

[00:21:16:12 – 00:21:17:04]
Right.

[00:21:17:04 – 00:21:17:27]
Right.

[00:21:17:27 – 00:21:22:22]
The, the big red flag with this not being

[00:21:22:22 – 00:21:23:23]
on the same page

[00:21:23:23 – 00:21:25:20]
absolutely has to come down

[00:21:25:20 – 00:21:26:01]
to.

[00:21:26:01 – 00:21:28:03]
I would say this is the quintessential

[00:21:28:03 – 00:21:30:22]
drama that happens that

[00:21:30:22 – 00:21:32:25]
everybody talks about, you

[00:21:32:25 – 00:21:34:08]
know, the, the no drama couple.

[00:21:34:08 – 00:21:36:12]
And that’s that the partners

[00:21:36:12 – 00:21:38:15]
are actually having a fight.

[00:21:38:15 – 00:21:41:12]
Now we haven’t seen that very much.

[00:21:41:12 – 00:21:41:19]
Yeah.

[00:21:41:19 – 00:21:44:20]
A couple times.

[00:21:44:20 – 00:21:49:28]
And to be honest, the, the one time we

[00:21:49:28 – 00:21:52:20]
saw it was the husband

[00:21:52:20 – 00:21:54:16]
was like chasing women

[00:21:54:16 – 00:21:56:24]
around and was, we found out later, it

[00:21:56:24 – 00:21:58:01]
was actually cheating on his wife.

[00:21:58:01 – 00:22:00:10]
So I get why they were fighting.

[00:22:00:10 – 00:22:02:09]
That makes a whole lot of sense.

[00:22:02:09 – 00:22:02:28]
Right.

[00:22:02:28 – 00:22:06:12]
People are pretty good at parties.

[00:22:06:12 – 00:22:08:03]
They, if they need to have a

[00:22:08:03 – 00:22:09:06]
conversation, they step to the

[00:22:09:06 – 00:22:10:15]
side, they go to the bathroom,

[00:22:10:15 – 00:22:11:19]
they go to a bedroom, close

[00:22:11:19 – 00:22:12:28]
a door, have a conversation.

[00:22:12:28 – 00:22:16:24]
Most people are, are, are nice.

[00:22:16:24 – 00:22:18:10]
They don’t disrupt the whole

[00:22:18:10 – 00:22:20:20]
party and become a spectacle.

[00:22:20:20 – 00:22:24:16]
And I would say if, if I saw a couple

[00:22:24:16 – 00:22:27:04]
that was clearly having

[00:22:27:04 – 00:22:28:05]
some kind of a disconnect

[00:22:28:05 – 00:22:30:18]
and they did remove themselves from the

[00:22:30:18 – 00:22:31:18]
situation and went off to

[00:22:31:18 – 00:22:33:23]
a quiet place in my mind,

[00:22:33:23 – 00:22:35:16]
that is not drama.

[00:22:35:16 – 00:22:36:01]
Correct.

[00:22:36:01 – 00:22:39:06]
If anything, that’s a sign of emotional

[00:22:39:06 – 00:22:41:04]
maturity, relationship maturity.

[00:22:41:04 – 00:22:45:20]
They are taking the higher road and not

[00:22:45:20 – 00:22:48:13]
inflicting their whatever

[00:22:48:13 – 00:22:51:00]
issue it was on everybody else.

[00:22:51:00 – 00:22:54:00]
And not disturbing the party.

[00:22:54:00 – 00:22:57:15]
Like they’re just going to go take care

[00:22:57:15 – 00:22:58:22]
of it and handle it on their own.

[00:22:58:22 – 00:22:59:21]
I agree.

[00:22:59:21 – 00:23:02:03]
That that to me, that’s

[00:23:02:03 – 00:23:03:15]
actually a green flag.

[00:23:03:15 – 00:23:05:09]
Like that’s good couple.

[00:23:05:09 – 00:23:07:10]
Now I might not go approach them that

[00:23:07:10 – 00:23:09:09]
night, but it would

[00:23:09:09 – 00:23:10:12]
definitely be one of those things

[00:23:10:12 – 00:23:11:19]
where if they came back and they

[00:23:11:19 – 00:23:13:19]
approached us, who knows?

[00:23:13:19 – 00:23:15:03]
Maybe they were having a conversation

[00:23:15:03 – 00:23:16:04]
about, well, do you want

[00:23:16:04 – 00:23:16:28]
to really hook up with that

[00:23:16:28 – 00:23:17:07]
couple?

[00:23:17:07 – 00:23:18:04]
Right.

[00:23:18:04 – 00:23:19:00]
Yeah, maybe.

[00:23:19:00 – 00:23:20:27]
Yeah, let’s do it.

[00:23:20:27 – 00:23:24:17]
Now experience and

[00:23:24:17 – 00:23:26:04]
confidence plays into it.

[00:23:26:04 – 00:23:28:27]
Nerves, if someone’s talking too much,

[00:23:28:27 – 00:23:30:24]
they can be a red flag

[00:23:30:24 – 00:23:33:10]
because you, you may not,

[00:23:33:10 – 00:23:39:27]
they may be all in and may be all gas and

[00:23:39:27 – 00:23:42:06]
maybe not be

[00:23:42:06 – 00:23:44:15]
listening or as accommodating.

[00:23:44:15 – 00:23:48:01]
So that could be a red flag.

[00:23:48:01 – 00:23:52:25]
That levels and their play style

[00:23:52:25 – 00:23:54:24]
basically is going to shift

[00:23:54:24 – 00:23:56:10]
a little bit with experience

[00:23:56:10 – 00:23:57:01]
and confidence.

[00:23:57:01 – 00:24:01:10]
And I think with the kind of talking over

[00:24:01:10 – 00:24:03:03]
you and your

[00:24:03:03 – 00:24:04:28]
conversation and really being

[00:24:04:28 – 00:24:08:03]
overly vocal can be a red

[00:24:08:03 – 00:24:09:23]
flag in terms of compatibility.

[00:24:09:23 – 00:24:14:15]
So if they have a hard time socializing

[00:24:14:15 – 00:24:15:16]
or it’s really awkward

[00:24:15:16 – 00:24:16:18]
conversation with them,

[00:24:16:18 – 00:24:19:03]
it’s not necessarily that they’re a bad

[00:24:19:03 – 00:24:20:10]
couple, but they may not be

[00:24:20:10 – 00:24:22:10]
a good match for you because

[00:24:22:10 – 00:24:25:06]
your conversation style doesn’t pair up

[00:24:25:06 – 00:24:26:09]
very well and you don’t

[00:24:26:09 – 00:24:28:22]
feel like you’re compatible

[00:24:28:22 – 00:24:31:22]
where that also comes into play.

[00:24:31:22 – 00:24:35:03]
And this may be not a red flag, but maybe

[00:24:35:03 – 00:24:37:06]
an orange flag, like caution.

[00:24:37:06 – 00:24:39:27]
And that’s their play style

[00:24:39:27 – 00:24:42:13]
is not what you’re looking for.

[00:24:42:13 – 00:24:46:20]
And I view that more as just an

[00:24:46:20 – 00:24:48:08]
incompatibility and not

[00:24:48:08 – 00:24:49:16]
necessarily a red flag.

[00:24:49:16 – 00:24:54:12]
So they’re soft and you’re full and

[00:24:54:12 – 00:24:55:17]
they’re not interested in

[00:24:55:17 – 00:24:56:20]
negotiating, which I can

[00:24:56:20 – 00:24:58:13]
understand going from soft to full, but

[00:24:58:13 – 00:25:00:12]
maybe they’re full and

[00:25:00:12 – 00:25:05:21]
you’re soft and just being

[00:25:05:21 – 00:25:08:06]
accommodating to play at that level.

[00:25:08:06 – 00:25:10:24]
So they’re talking a lot and not really

[00:25:10:24 – 00:25:11:25]
being a good listener,

[00:25:11:25 – 00:25:13:06]
not asking those questions,

[00:25:13:06 – 00:25:16:01]
not really wanting to engage with you and

[00:25:16:01 – 00:25:18:06]
have that dialogue as to

[00:25:18:06 – 00:25:19:16]
what type of experience

[00:25:19:16 – 00:25:22:10]
you would like that evening, which

[00:25:22:10 – 00:25:23:23]
basically comes down to consent.

[00:25:23:23 – 00:25:28:09]
It’s a consensual dialogue.

[00:25:28:09 – 00:25:32:24]
So if you’re busy, the app and I’m saying

[00:25:32:24 – 00:25:34:00]
you like this and we

[00:25:34:00 – 00:25:34:27]
do this and we do that

[00:25:34:27 – 00:25:35:13]
and we did it.

[00:25:35:13 – 00:25:36:17]
Well, what about me?

[00:25:36:17 – 00:25:37:20]
What do I like?

[00:25:37:20 – 00:25:39:27]
Did you ask me what I like?

[00:25:39:27 – 00:25:42:01]
Did you ask me what I prefer?

[00:25:42:01 – 00:25:46:27]
It’s nice to be asked.

[00:25:46:27 – 00:25:49:25]
A hundred percent.

[00:25:49:25 – 00:25:53:05]
And you can kind of look at this as once

[00:25:53:05 – 00:25:54:24]
you get into the playroom

[00:25:54:24 – 00:25:56:15]
and you’re engaging with

[00:25:56:15 – 00:25:58:21]
this couple, if they haven’t been paying

[00:25:58:21 – 00:25:59:16]
attention to what you’re

[00:25:59:16 – 00:26:02:12]
saying and they start doing

[00:26:02:12 – 00:26:04:25]
things that are maybe pushing through

[00:26:04:25 – 00:26:06:08]
your boundaries or just

[00:26:06:08 – 00:26:07:12]
ignoring your boundaries,

[00:26:07:12 – 00:26:09:08]
that’s a hundred percent a red flag.

[00:26:09:08 – 00:26:09:25]
Yeah.

[00:26:09:25 – 00:26:10:23]
Yeah.

[00:26:10:23 – 00:26:14:04]
And then get up and run.

[00:26:14:04 – 00:26:14:25]
Run.

[00:26:14:25 – 00:26:20:13]
Yeah, I definitely think it’s an

[00:26:20:13 – 00:26:22:00]
opportunity to just say,

[00:26:22:00 – 00:26:25:16]
hey, thanks, but we’re going

[00:26:25:16 – 00:26:26:01]
to go.

[00:26:26:01 – 00:26:27:08]
We’d had some

[00:26:27:08 – 00:26:29:12]
boundaries and those got missed.

[00:26:29:12 – 00:26:33:01]
I might let them know, but for sure you

[00:26:33:01 – 00:26:33:24]
don’t need to sit there

[00:26:33:24 – 00:26:34:24]
and take that for sure.

[00:26:34:24 – 00:26:36:25]
Just back off.

[00:26:36:25 – 00:26:37:12]
Yeah.

[00:26:37:12 – 00:26:39:04]
And of course, if it’s really egregious,

[00:26:39:04 – 00:26:40:12]
then you definitely want

[00:26:40:12 – 00:26:43:00]
to alert any room promoter,

[00:26:43:00 – 00:26:46:27]
room monitors and the promoter and then

[00:26:46:27 – 00:26:48:16]
they’ll get security

[00:26:48:16 – 00:26:50:09]
and handle it from there.

[00:26:50:09 – 00:26:51:13]
Right.

[00:26:51:13 – 00:26:54:01]
Especially if it’s kind of crossed into

[00:26:54:01 – 00:26:56:27]
that kind of rapey situation.

[00:26:56:27 – 00:26:58:03]
Yeah.

[00:26:58:03 – 00:27:00:19]
Which is not good, but

[00:27:00:19 – 00:27:02:12]
we’ve never experienced that.

[00:27:02:12 – 00:27:09:03]
We’ve not directly for sure.

[00:27:09:03 – 00:27:14:19]
We’ve been at a party where a woman was

[00:27:14:19 – 00:27:16:03]
overly aggressive and

[00:27:16:03 – 00:27:18:08]
doing things with the male

[00:27:18:08 – 00:27:20:01]
partner from another couple that we knew.

[00:27:20:01 – 00:27:20:22]
Oh, yeah.

[00:27:20:22 – 00:27:21:16]
And.

[00:27:21:16 – 00:27:24:07]
Honestly, I categorize that as sexual

[00:27:24:07 – 00:27:25:23]
assault, but she did.

[00:27:25:23 – 00:27:26:06]
Yeah.

[00:27:26:06 – 00:27:26:27]
Yeah.

[00:27:26:27 – 00:27:27:24]
She really did.

[00:27:27:24 – 00:27:30:27]
It really was not consensual.

[00:27:30:27 – 00:27:32:12]
And they.

[00:27:32:12 – 00:27:36:24]
To several guys, the several guys, at

[00:27:36:24 – 00:27:38:12]
least two, possibly

[00:27:38:12 – 00:27:40:00]
three, I know two for sure have

[00:27:40:00 – 00:27:40:28]
reported to us.

[00:27:40:28 – 00:27:41:24]
Yeah.

[00:27:41:24 – 00:27:44:07]
And they were really uncomfortable with

[00:27:44:07 – 00:27:45:24]
it and won’t be going

[00:27:45:24 – 00:27:46:27]
back to that house party.

[00:27:46:27 – 00:27:47:13]
Yeah.

[00:27:47:13 – 00:27:48:28]
That’s actually a different example.

[00:27:48:28 – 00:27:49:04]
Okay.

[00:27:49:04 – 00:27:50:19]
So we have two examples of that.

[00:27:50:19 – 00:27:51:02]
God.

[00:27:51:02 – 00:27:54:24]
But yes, the one I was thinking of, there

[00:27:54:24 – 00:27:57:12]
was a couple where

[00:27:57:12 – 00:28:00:01]
the woman was on top and

[00:28:00:01 – 00:28:04:00]
she just kind of went full swap with the

[00:28:04:00 – 00:28:05:07]
husband and they were

[00:28:05:07 – 00:28:06:09]
not a full swap cover.

[00:28:06:09 – 00:28:07:06]
Right.

[00:28:07:06 – 00:28:10:19]
She grabbed his penis, shoved it in.

[00:28:10:19 – 00:28:11:16]
Right.

[00:28:11:16 – 00:28:14:13]
And yeah.

[00:28:14:13 – 00:28:18:21]
And they were both very upset by that and

[00:28:18:21 – 00:28:20:21]
ended up having to leave the party.

[00:28:20:21 – 00:28:23:24]
And I don’t think we saw them again until

[00:28:23:24 – 00:28:24:21]
the next party, but

[00:28:24:21 – 00:28:25:19]
we’d had some conversations

[00:28:25:19 – 00:28:26:05]
with them.

[00:28:26:05 – 00:28:28:02]
We reached out to them directly because

[00:28:28:02 – 00:28:28:25]
we’d heard from the

[00:28:28:25 – 00:28:29:24]
host that that had happened

[00:28:29:24 – 00:28:30:24]
and they were.

[00:28:30:24 – 00:28:33:01]
We knew them.

[00:28:33:01 – 00:28:33:19]
Yeah.

[00:28:33:19 – 00:28:38:16]
And we wanted to offer some sympathy and

[00:28:38:16 – 00:28:40:01]
an opportunity to talk

[00:28:40:01 – 00:28:41:01]
to us about it if they

[00:28:41:01 – 00:28:41:17]
wanted to.

[00:28:41:17 – 00:28:42:08]
But yeah.

[00:28:42:08 – 00:28:43:16]
Yeah.

[00:28:43:16 – 00:28:43:27]
And then the.

[00:28:43:27 – 00:28:44:22]
Red flag for sure.

[00:28:44:22 – 00:28:45:24]
Red flag for sure.

[00:28:45:24 – 00:28:48:25]
Then the other party, the two gentlemen

[00:28:48:25 – 00:28:54:06]
had this woman at the house party.

[00:28:54:06 – 00:28:58:06]
She just straight up went, went, walked

[00:28:58:06 – 00:28:59:25]
up to the guy, opened

[00:28:59:25 – 00:29:01:12]
his pants, pulled him down

[00:29:01:12 – 00:29:03:27]
and stuck his cock in her mouth.

[00:29:03:27 – 00:29:04:17]
Right.

[00:29:04:17 – 00:29:08:19]
And they were shocked, like really upset.

[00:29:08:19 – 00:29:12:27]
And it was, it was very humbling to me to

[00:29:12:27 – 00:29:14:02]
hear that from a man

[00:29:14:02 – 00:29:15:15]
to be able to disclose

[00:29:15:15 – 00:29:18:25]
that because, and I felt, I’m just

[00:29:18:25 – 00:29:20:07]
getting chills because I felt

[00:29:20:07 – 00:29:24:01]
so horrible on two accounts.

[00:29:24:01 – 00:29:27:00]
One that that that experience happened to

[00:29:27:00 – 00:29:27:27]
them, two individual

[00:29:27:27 – 00:29:29:02]
guys, basically the same

[00:29:29:02 – 00:29:35:04]
thing and two that I, yeah, as women, we

[00:29:35:04 – 00:29:36:19]
go, oh, you know, men,

[00:29:36:19 – 00:29:38:19]
all men like attention

[00:29:38:19 – 00:29:41:12]
and all men like, you know, they’re happy

[00:29:41:12 – 00:29:42:15]
just to, you know,

[00:29:42:15 – 00:29:44:08]
you jokingly say, yeah,

[00:29:44:08 – 00:29:45:18]
there’s no such thing as a bad blowjob.

[00:29:45:18 – 00:29:46:25]
There’s no such thing as a bad blowjob.

[00:29:46:25 – 00:29:47:27]
I’ll take anything.

[00:29:47:27 – 00:29:49:07]
A hand is a hand.

[00:29:49:07 – 00:29:49:27]
Right.

[00:29:49:27 – 00:29:51:16]
20 bucks is 20 bucks.

[00:29:51:16 – 00:29:52:12]
Right.

[00:29:52:12 – 00:29:55:27]
You, you get this, this

[00:29:55:27 – 00:29:57:13]
narrative stuck in your head.

[00:29:57:13 – 00:30:00:24]
And then when somebody actually says

[00:30:00:24 – 00:30:01:28]
that, you’re like, wow,

[00:30:01:28 – 00:30:04:09]
you, you actually did not

[00:30:04:09 – 00:30:05:05]
like that.

[00:30:05:05 – 00:30:06:18]
That was offensive to you.

[00:30:06:18 – 00:30:06:27]
Right.

[00:30:06:27 – 00:30:11:10]
You were really turned off by that.

[00:30:11:10 – 00:30:14:09]
And one of the guys just left, like right

[00:30:14:09 – 00:30:16:09]
after that, just left the party.

[00:30:16:09 – 00:30:17:19]
Yeah.

[00:30:17:19 – 00:30:19:05]
And you start to have that realization

[00:30:19:05 – 00:30:20:24]
that, that, you know,

[00:30:20:24 – 00:30:21:28]
sometimes men have feelings

[00:30:21:28 – 00:30:22:09]
too.

[00:30:22:09 – 00:30:23:21]
I know.

[00:30:23:21 – 00:30:26:24]
I mean, it’s sad that we, we don’t think

[00:30:26:24 – 00:30:28:06]
that that, but we, we do

[00:30:28:06 – 00:30:29:25]
is at least I, as a woman,

[00:30:29:25 – 00:30:31:15]
I, I look to you as my rock.

[00:30:31:15 – 00:30:32:03]
You’re the foundation.

[00:30:32:03 – 00:30:35:12]
I get to go bouncy, bouncy all over the

[00:30:35:12 – 00:30:36:10]
place, but I can always

[00:30:36:10 – 00:30:38:04]
count on you to be there

[00:30:38:04 – 00:30:39:16]
for me to ground me.

[00:30:39:16 – 00:30:41:21]
And I don’t know if other

[00:30:41:21 – 00:30:44:23]
women feel that same way, but I do.

[00:30:44:23 – 00:30:46:15]
I rely on you to be

[00:30:46:15 – 00:30:48:10]
the steady, the constant.

[00:30:48:10 – 00:30:53:01]
So I just don’t think, I don’t think of

[00:30:53:01 – 00:30:54:24]
men as not that emotions

[00:30:54:24 – 00:30:57:00]
are weak, but you, you,

[00:30:57:00 – 00:30:59:12]
you know where I’m saying that you think

[00:30:59:12 – 00:31:00:22]
men don’t have emotions.

[00:31:00:22 – 00:31:02:08]
They can’t be affected by that because

[00:31:02:08 – 00:31:04:06]
any attention is good attention.

[00:31:04:06 – 00:31:06:25]
Well, no, that’s not the case.

[00:31:06:25 – 00:31:07:27]
Yeah.

[00:31:07:27 – 00:31:11:19]
And we, we understand that everybody has

[00:31:11:19 – 00:31:12:18]
personal preferences.

[00:31:12:18 – 00:31:15:21]
Everybody’s not going to be into it.

[00:31:15:21 – 00:31:16:22]
We’ve had this conversation with

[00:31:16:22 – 00:31:19:03]
bisexuality for sure with women where

[00:31:19:03 – 00:31:20:10]
it’s like just because

[00:31:20:10 – 00:31:22:25]
a woman’s bi doesn’t mean she wants every

[00:31:22:25 – 00:31:24:17]
woman going down on her or that she wants

[00:31:24:17 – 00:31:26:06]
to go down on every woman or wants to

[00:31:26:06 – 00:31:27:10]
make out with every woman.

[00:31:27:10 – 00:31:27:16]
Right.

[00:31:27:16 – 00:31:29:21]
Like the lady in the, on

[00:31:29:21 – 00:31:31:01]
the massage table with me.

[00:31:31:01 – 00:31:31:13]
Right.

[00:31:31:13 – 00:31:32:07]
That was essentially

[00:31:32:07 – 00:31:33:15]
sexual assault on me.

[00:31:33:15 – 00:31:34:23]
Yes.

[00:31:34:23 – 00:31:37:09]
I said three times, I

[00:31:37:09 – 00:31:39:09]
only want a massage.

[00:31:39:09 – 00:31:42:27]
Do not touch any part, any genitals.

[00:31:42:27 – 00:31:47:10]
And this woman was just her fingers.

[00:31:47:10 – 00:31:49:09]
Oh my God.

[00:31:49:09 – 00:31:50:12]
She was a gropey fingers.

[00:31:50:12 – 00:31:52:21]
She was gropey fingers three times.

[00:31:52:21 – 00:31:53:15]
Right.

[00:31:53:15 – 00:31:54:19]
The first time it got

[00:31:54:19 – 00:31:56:12]
close, I smacked her hand away.

[00:31:56:12 – 00:31:58:02]
Second time it got closer.

[00:31:58:02 – 00:32:01:06]
Third time she, she got like one digit in

[00:32:01:06 – 00:32:02:25]
there and I was like, that’s it.

[00:32:02:25 – 00:32:03:07]
I’m done.

[00:32:03:07 – 00:32:06:06]
And then she had the gall

[00:32:06:06 – 00:32:08:23]
to go, well, I’m by you.

[00:32:08:23 – 00:32:09:21]
You’re just so sexy.

[00:32:09:21 – 00:32:11:00]
I really want you.

[00:32:11:00 – 00:32:12:03]
Don’t, don’t you like it?

[00:32:12:03 – 00:32:15:16]
I’m like, oh my God, bitch, I want to

[00:32:15:16 – 00:32:16:13]
smack you right now.

[00:32:16:13 – 00:32:20:24]
And then the husband was like, well, he

[00:32:20:24 – 00:32:22:10]
was like encouraging her.

[00:32:22:10 – 00:32:23:12]
He was like her biggest

[00:32:23:12 – 00:32:25:12]
cheerleader for she’s by.

[00:32:25:12 – 00:32:27:00]
Well okay.

[00:32:27:00 – 00:32:30:20]
But that doesn’t have anything to do with

[00:32:30:20 – 00:32:32:10]
you sticking your

[00:32:32:10 – 00:32:34:07]
fingers in me without consent.

[00:32:34:07 – 00:32:36:17]
Well, I mean, it goes

[00:32:36:17 – 00:32:37:19]
back to the whole thing.

[00:32:37:19 – 00:32:38:20]
It’s like, okay, you’re heterosexual.

[00:32:38:20 – 00:32:41:04]
Does that mean that any random dude can

[00:32:41:04 – 00:32:42:15]
come up and stick his fingers in?

[00:32:42:15 – 00:32:44:16]
Like, no, it doesn’t work like that.

[00:32:44:16 – 00:32:46:07]
So why would it work with bisexuality?

[00:32:46:07 – 00:32:52:09]
So for sure, for sure that is a red flag.

[00:32:52:09 – 00:32:53:10]
Good Lord.

[00:32:53:10 – 00:32:59:00]
Oh man, the experiences in your head.

[00:32:59:00 – 00:32:59:06]
Okay.

[00:32:59:06 – 00:33:01:27]
Let’s move out of rape for a second.

[00:33:01:27 – 00:33:02:24]
Okay.

[00:33:02:24 – 00:33:03:25]
It’s getting dark.

[00:33:03:25 – 00:33:05:12]
It’s getting really dark.

[00:33:05:12 – 00:33:11:03]
There’s another thing that happens and

[00:33:11:03 – 00:33:12:12]
this has happened to us

[00:33:12:12 – 00:33:17:03]
a few times where couples

[00:33:17:03 – 00:33:20:02]
just can’t commit or

[00:33:20:02 – 00:33:22:09]
single males can’t commit.

[00:33:22:09 – 00:33:24:19]
And we know there are a number of you who

[00:33:24:19 – 00:33:25:19]
are watching this or

[00:33:25:19 – 00:33:27:07]
listening to this who

[00:33:27:07 – 00:33:30:27]
can attest that the stereotype that

[00:33:30:27 – 00:33:32:08]
single males are flaky

[00:33:32:08 – 00:33:34:24]
gets perpetuated by this.

[00:33:34:24 – 00:33:39:22]
So you send out a date request, give them

[00:33:39:22 – 00:33:40:18]
a couple dates, a

[00:33:40:18 – 00:33:42:24]
couple of times, nothing.

[00:33:42:24 – 00:33:44:27]
They can’t follow through.

[00:33:44:27 – 00:33:47:19]
They can’t commit or they

[00:33:47:19 – 00:33:49:03]
cancel at the last minute.

[00:33:49:03 – 00:33:49:28]
Yeah.

[00:33:49:28 – 00:33:52:00]
And this isn’t me being the pursuer.

[00:33:52:00 – 00:33:55:24]
They were the pursuer and then I respond.

[00:33:55:24 – 00:34:00:03]
So I get that maybe if you misread the

[00:34:00:03 – 00:34:01:16]
room, if you’re doing

[00:34:01:16 – 00:34:03:18]
the hunting, so to speak,

[00:34:03:18 – 00:34:07:07]
the pursuing, then maybe you’re like,

[00:34:07:07 – 00:34:08:25]
wow, I guess he maybe

[00:34:08:25 – 00:34:09:24]
wasn’t that interested.

[00:34:09:24 – 00:34:13:09]
But when they step forward and you engage

[00:34:13:09 – 00:34:14:25]
and you’ve got a sexy

[00:34:14:25 – 00:34:15:25]
banter back and forth

[00:34:15:25 – 00:34:17:19]
and you think, yeah, we’re all in, we’re

[00:34:17:19 – 00:34:18:25]
all go, we’ve got some

[00:34:18:25 – 00:34:19:19]
dates on the calendar,

[00:34:19:19 – 00:34:22:01]
all that, and then they go stir flake.

[00:34:22:01 – 00:34:23:13]
Yeah.

[00:34:23:13 – 00:34:24:22]
Yeah.

[00:34:24:22 – 00:34:26:07]
And that’s hard, right?

[00:34:26:07 – 00:34:27:28]
Because that really does kind of hit you

[00:34:27:28 – 00:34:29:19]
in the ego where you

[00:34:29:19 – 00:34:31:28]
were like, okay, we were

[00:34:31:28 – 00:34:34:28]
on, we were hot and now we’re not.

[00:34:34:28 – 00:34:37:03]
What’s going on?

[00:34:37:03 – 00:34:40:01]
It’s all hot and heavy and nothing.

[00:34:40:01 – 00:34:41:15]
Right.

[00:34:41:15 – 00:34:44:10]
I know that is very, that’s been very

[00:34:44:10 – 00:34:47:10]
disappointing for me, the

[00:34:47:10 – 00:34:49:10]
single male, the hot and heavy

[00:34:49:10 – 00:34:49:24]
exchange.

[00:34:49:24 – 00:34:52:25]
Because I did like the texting.

[00:34:52:25 – 00:34:54:19]
That was kind of fun, the little

[00:34:54:19 – 00:34:55:15]
attention that you’re

[00:34:55:15 – 00:34:57:04]
getting, even though I’m not a

[00:34:57:04 – 00:35:00:06]
big texter for getting to know people.

[00:35:00:06 – 00:35:00:21]
Right.

[00:35:00:21 – 00:35:03:18]
When I was engaging a

[00:35:03:18 – 00:35:06:21]
single male, I did enjoy that.

[00:35:06:21 – 00:35:09:00]
And then you get all worked up.

[00:35:09:00 – 00:35:10:07]
And then like you said,

[00:35:10:07 – 00:35:15:27]
yeah, I kind of get it.

[00:35:15:27 – 00:35:20:19]
There are reasons why people have changed

[00:35:20:19 – 00:35:21:24]
their mind, who knows

[00:35:21:24 – 00:35:22:17]
what’s going on in their

[00:35:22:17 – 00:35:24:05]
relationship, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:35:24:05 – 00:35:26:21]
But we always try to advise people that

[00:35:26:21 – 00:35:28:07]
if there’s a reason for

[00:35:28:07 – 00:35:29:27]
it, you explain it, you

[00:35:29:27 – 00:35:32:04]
let the other couple off the hook, God,

[00:35:32:04 – 00:35:33:22]
give them a clue as to why

[00:35:33:22 – 00:35:35:03]
maybe they’re not interested

[00:35:35:03 – 00:35:35:24]
in anymore.

[00:35:35:24 – 00:35:40:13]
And when we talked about the approach and

[00:35:40:13 – 00:35:41:15]
closing in that

[00:35:41:15 – 00:35:44:00]
episode, this is similar to

[00:35:44:00 – 00:35:47:10]
that and it gives the couple that’s being

[00:35:47:10 – 00:35:49:15]
rejected and opt out, right?

[00:35:49:15 – 00:35:51:07]
It gives them information so that they

[00:35:51:07 – 00:35:52:25]
can move on and not feel

[00:35:52:25 – 00:35:54:27]
like they’re just being

[00:35:54:27 – 00:35:57:10]
ignored or something.

[00:35:57:10 – 00:35:59:07]
So it’s always good.

[00:35:59:07 – 00:36:00:28]
Just give somebody a little bit of

[00:36:00:28 – 00:36:02:09]
information so they can move on.

[00:36:02:09 – 00:36:03:05]
Little closure.

[00:36:03:05 – 00:36:05:07]
So every bad experience you have in the

[00:36:05:07 – 00:36:07:01]
lifestyle may not be a red

[00:36:07:01 – 00:36:08:24]
flag, but there are certainly

[00:36:08:24 – 00:36:11:28]
a few things that should give you enough

[00:36:11:28 – 00:36:13:10]
pause to consider

[00:36:13:10 – 00:36:15:15]
whether you should pursue that

[00:36:15:15 – 00:36:17:09]
any further or turn around

[00:36:17:09 – 00:36:19:18]
and run away as fast as you can.

[00:36:19:18 – 00:36:22:27]
So when you’re evaluating these

[00:36:22:27 – 00:36:24:07]
interactions with couples,

[00:36:24:07 – 00:36:27:05]
take in mind their feelings,

[00:36:27:05 – 00:36:29:09]
maybe their overall mood if you’ve had

[00:36:29:09 – 00:36:31:15]
positive interactions with them before.

[00:36:31:15 – 00:36:35:04]
And we like to give couples at least a

[00:36:35:04 – 00:36:36:22]
couple chances because

[00:36:36:22 – 00:36:38:22]
first impressions, while they’re

[00:36:38:22 – 00:36:40:24]
important, they’re not the

[00:36:40:24 – 00:36:44:04]
only indicator of how a couple is.

[00:36:44:04 – 00:36:47:07]
So give them a second chance, maybe even

[00:36:47:07 – 00:36:48:00]
a third chance,

[00:36:48:00 – 00:36:49:02]
depending on the situation.

[00:36:49:02 – 00:36:50:21]
Was it at a house party?

[00:36:50:21 – 00:36:51:18]
Was it too loud?

[00:36:51:18 – 00:36:53:28]
Maybe they just don’t

[00:36:53:28 – 00:36:55:15]
like the loud noise.

[00:36:55:15 – 00:36:56:24]
Maybe they need a little bit more

[00:36:56:24 – 00:36:58:04]
engagement with you and

[00:36:58:04 – 00:37:00:07]
they couldn’t get that at that

[00:37:00:07 – 00:37:00:21]
party.

[00:37:00:21 – 00:37:03:24]
So give them a second

[00:37:03:24 – 00:37:05:02]
chance, potentially.

[00:37:05:02 – 00:37:07:21]
Now there are certain things that we

[00:37:07:21 – 00:37:08:20]
talked about where

[00:37:08:20 – 00:37:10:04]
they’re rude to wait staff and

[00:37:10:04 – 00:37:12:25]
overall just seem like

[00:37:12:25 – 00:37:14:27]
maybe not good people.

[00:37:14:27 – 00:37:18:09]
Those are red flags enough for me to go,

[00:37:18:09 – 00:37:20:15]
“I don’t need to see that again.

[00:37:20:15 – 00:37:22:12]
I don’t want to experience that again.

[00:37:22:12 – 00:37:26:11]
Let’s just cut our losses and move on.”

[00:37:26:11 – 00:37:31:00]
Thanks for tuning in.

[00:37:31:00 – 00:37:33:28]
We appreciate you joining our community.

[00:37:33:28 – 00:37:36:21]
Don’t forget to do your homework, tell a

[00:37:36:21 – 00:37:37:25]
friend about our show, and

[00:37:37:25 – 00:37:39:06]
leave a review and comment.

[00:37:39:06 – 00:37:41:18]
You can also leave us a voicemail at

[00:37:41:18 – 00:37:45:09]
916-538-0482 or

[00:37:45:09 – 00:37:47:21]
contact us at university.com.

[00:37:47:21 – 00:37:51:13]
And we have a cool new way for you to

[00:37:51:13 – 00:37:53:15]
leave us a voicemail anonymously.

[00:37:53:15 – 00:37:56:10]
Talk about that a little bit.

[00:37:56:10 – 00:37:58:15]
If you visit our website,

[00:37:58:15 – 00:38:00:28]
swanneruniversity.com, on the contact

[00:38:00:28 – 00:38:02:09]
page, there’s a way for you

[00:38:02:09 – 00:38:04:15]
to leave a little voicemail for us.

[00:38:04:15 – 00:38:07:22]
We get the I-O and it’s all anonymous.

[00:38:07:22 – 00:38:09:03]
So we have no idea who

[00:38:09:03 – 00:38:10:21]
you are unless you tell us.

[00:38:10:21 – 00:38:13:13]
You can leave a 90-second message and if

[00:38:13:13 – 00:38:14:28]
you do, we will put it

[00:38:14:28 – 00:38:15:25]
in the episode and we’ll

[00:38:15:25 – 00:38:16:15]
talk about it.

[00:38:16:15 – 00:38:18:24]
Assuming it’s something that’s for the

[00:38:18:24 – 00:38:20:12]
episode or something that

[00:38:20:12 – 00:38:21:16]
you want us to talk about

[00:38:21:16 – 00:38:23:27]
if you’re just sending us happy messages,

[00:38:23:27 – 00:38:25:06]
we’re happy to take those as well.

[00:38:25:06 – 00:38:28:03]
If you’re watching us on YouTube, you can

[00:38:28:03 – 00:38:30:01]
also now join our

[00:38:30:01 – 00:38:31:21]
membership on YouTube and

[00:38:31:21 – 00:38:32:26]
there are extra perks there

[00:38:32:26 – 00:38:34:03]
just like we have on Patreon.

[00:38:34:03 – 00:38:37:02]
So you get extra episodes, you get behind

[00:38:37:02 – 00:38:38:00]
the scenes content,

[00:38:38:00 – 00:38:39:10]
you get early releases

[00:38:39:10 – 00:38:41:15]
of our YouTube episodes.

[00:38:41:15 – 00:38:44:15]
So check it out on our membership page.

[00:38:44:15 – 00:38:46:09]
As always, keep learning,

[00:38:46:09 – 00:38:48:12]
keep growing, and keep it sexy.