Male Stamina, Erections, Expectations…Ugh!

[00:03] [Guest] Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program.
Slip into something more comfortable.
It’s class time.
Here are your hosts.
Ed and Phoebe.
Hey there, this is Ed.
And this is Phoebe.

[00:24] [Ed] Today we’re talking about stamina.
How to lengthen it.
And how to take a break without wrecking the mood.
Maybe this is something that never crossed your mind when you were with your partner.
But now you feel differently after your first swinging encounter.
Don’t worry, we’re going to address all of your concerns.
This podcast was actually inspired by a listener email.
Listener had a bunch of questions.
And we said, hey, that’s great stuff.
Let’s put it together into an episode.
So his questions were, what are the expectations for stamina while playing?
How do you deal with recuperation time?
What if I literally need to take a break?
How can I lengthen my stamina?

[01:26] [Phoebe] We are going to address each question in order.
What are the expectations for stamina while playing?
This is a common question.
And we and everybody in the community love to talk about not having any expectations.
But it’s as human beings, we just have them.
It’s how we function in life.
And most people in a swinging situation have the expectation of having a good time.
They want to make the most of that scenario because it took a lot to get there.
As we’ve said before, getting dressed up, shaving, pruning, spritzing, baby sitter is all set up, etc. etc.

[02:15] [Ed] You mentioned the 150 profiles you searched through, contacted, got rejected.

[02:22] [Phoebe] All the back and forth chatting, if that’s what you did to set up the date, it’s a lot of work.

[02:28] [Ed] It’s a lot of work.

[02:30] [Unknown] A lot of work.

[02:32] [Phoebe] So generally people are happy with just having a good time.
On the rare occasion, you might encounter someone that has higher expectations.

[02:44] [Unknown] For example, you’ve got a woman that just wants to get fucked really hard for 30 minutes straight.

[02:53] [Phoebe] Okay, if you run into someone like this, first of all, Hallelujah!

[03:00] [Ed] It’s got its pros.

[03:02] [Phoebe] Hopefully there would be more discussion around this type of specific scenario.
And steps would be taken to ensure this could be a success.
Because this sort of falls into the king realm where you’re looking for an experience that is very specific.
So most swing or play isn’t like this.
It’s random.

[03:30] [Ed] And fluid and free form.
It’s very fluid.

[03:33] [Phoebe] Another term you keep hearing all the time.
Things are very fluid.
It changes.
It morphs.

[03:38] [Ed] People are usually just up for a good time.
Not a specific good time.

[03:48] [Unknown] Right.
Right.

[03:50] [Ed] It’s not a checklist, if you will.

[03:55] [Phoebe] Generally, you get to this scenario and event a date.
You do.
You want to hopefully get fucked by somebody else.

[04:07] [Unknown] But it doesn’t always happen, which can be fine.

[04:10] [Phoebe] It doesn’t mean that evening is completely ruined because there’s so many wonderful things happening.

[04:17] [Unknown] That generally it all works out.
Yeah.

[04:23] [Ed] It turns into a different experience than what you’d maybe set out as your goal for the evening.
Right.
And we tend to recommend setting goals, but not expectations.

[04:36] [Phoebe] Yes.

[04:37] [Unknown] Something simpler, maybe not so specific, but just, you know, we’re going to engage with multiple couples for the evening.

[04:48] [Ed] And if play comes out of that, great.

[04:51] [Unknown] If not, okay.

[04:53] [Ed] No big deal.

[04:54] [Unknown] Right.

[04:55] [Phoebe] Yes.
And I had forgotten that Ed, we do set those goals.

[04:59] [Unknown] And it’s little things like, ooh, you know, I’m going to approach the woman first and see if she wants a kiss.

[05:09] [Phoebe] Right.
Or I’m going to see if she, you know, will let me go down on her.
I really, I really want to do that with this person.
That’s my goal for the night.
Right.
You know, so those are the little things that really make it kind of hard.
Yeah, but they’re little goals, right?

[05:29] [Ed] They’re not like, you’re not playing it out in your head as to how it’s supposed to happen.
Yeah.
It’s an approach, if you will, or a specific type of goal.

[05:43] [Phoebe] The goal is to be in the moment.
So many things, like I said, are happening at the same time.
Multiple bodies with a multiple stimulus of sight, smell, sound, and touch.

[05:57] [Unknown] All right.

[05:58] [Ed] Question two.
How do you deal with recuperation time?
So.

[06:04] [Phoebe] This is a male question concern.

[06:08] [Ed] No, women can just keep going.
I know.
There’s no like external appendage that depends on blood flow to actually function.
Women are like, I’m ready.
I know.
I could use some more lube.
Okay.
I’m still ready.

[06:25] [Unknown] Yeah.

[06:26] [Ed] So this is a uniquely male problem in most respects.
Sometimes you come early, sometimes you’re overexcited.
Things happen.
It does happen.
If you need a break, or maybe you’re having erectile issues, could be because you just came.

[06:54] [Unknown] It could just be because you’re in that headspace.

[06:59] [Ed] You get distracted.

[07:01] [Unknown] You’re overwhelmed.

[07:03] [Ed] You’re overstimulated.

[07:05] [Phoebe] You’re thinking about your wife.
Is she okay?
What was that look on her face?
What’s that guy doing?
Is he being too rough?
All that.

[07:15] [Ed] Yeah.
You get out of the mental moment of having a good time.
Right.
You’re thinking too much.

[07:29] [Phoebe] It’s like having sex with the kids knocking on the door.

[07:32] [Ed] Right.
Yeah, that doesn’t work.
First step, don’t focus on what’s going on with your body.
Don’t focus on you.
Don’t think about the penis.
Just focus on your partner and what’s going on.
So, mental break, you’re going to kind of get zen about the whole thing.

[08:00] [Phoebe] Oh, so if you feel like you’re getting flaccid, then stop thinking about it.
Yeah.
Focus on something else.
Focus on the other woman.
Focus on whatever else is going on.

[08:12] [Ed] That’s right.
Change it.
Got it.
You got to change the game.
You got to get out of your head.

[08:18] [Unknown] Okay.

[08:20] [Ed] So, focus on the fun stuff that’s going on in the room.
Got it.
Don’t think about the bad stuff.
Okay.
So, switch to oral.

[08:28] [Phoebe] If I ever become a man.
Right to self.
Got it.

[08:32] [Unknown] Yes, strap-ons don’t have this issue.

[08:36] [Ed] Switch up to oral.
So, kissing, go down on her, go down on both of them, whatever.
Play with her breasts.
Finger stimulation, kind of focus, refocus on the woman.
In addition, when you’ve got multiple bodies in play, things, as we said, are a little bit
more fluid and organic, and you can just kind of get back into the flow.
Think about all the sexy stuff that’s going on.
Think about how you got to this place.
Say, kinky things to her.
Right?
Like, get your head back in the mood by setting the mood.
So, tell her how sexy she is.
Admire her.
You know, you’re kind of sending all of your focus back to the woman.
And the room, too, right?
Like, damn, this is hot.
There’s another couple in our bed with us.
There’s six other couples in the room with us.
Like, whatever the situation is.

[09:55] [Phoebe] We’ve even had couples kind of take a brief pause.
And make that comment, exclaim out loud.
Isn’t this fucking fun, you guys?
And you have a little laugh.
And those are the times that are really fun because you’re laughing.
And this is why we call it play.

[10:16] [Ed] Right.

[10:17] [Phoebe] Because it’s experimental.
It’s fun.
It’s light.
It’s sexy.

[10:23] [Ed] You’re supposed to be having a good time.
Yeah.
And if you’re worried or focused inwardly, then you’re not paying attention.

[10:33] [Phoebe] Right.

[10:34] [Ed] But the goal is to, as you said.
Yeah.
Deep breath.

[10:39] [Unknown] Yep.

[10:41] [Ed] You could also get your wife to help.
Now, this can go a couple different ways.
For example, she’s going hot and heavy.
You’re a little distracted by that.
You can have her focus on the other woman to give you a little bit of a break.
Sometimes you need a rest.

[11:00] [Unknown] So in the case where you came to early, well, it’s just intermission.

[11:06] [Ed] Right.
You know, you get a little time out.
Focus on other things.
Get her.
You know, play a little director action here.
Get her and your wife to play a little bit so that she’s not being left out.
Your partner isn’t being left out.
Right.
But at the same time, you know, it’s okay to just play with other things.
Right.
So now your wife is taking care of Barbie.
Everybody’s having a good time.
Everybody’s included.

[11:40] [Unknown] That gives you a little bit of a pause, a little bit of a mental break from performance anxiety.

[11:47] [Ed] Right?
Like you’re trying to perform.
Right.

[11:50] [Unknown] Don’t worry about it.

[11:51] [Phoebe] It takes the pressure off.
Are we ready to move to the third question, Ed?

[11:56] [Ed] I was just going to say the bottom line is being aware of how everybody’s being taken care of.
In other words, you focus outwardly instead of getting in your head.
So like get out of your head.

[12:11] [Unknown] Got it.

[12:13] [Phoebe] Well, what if I literally need to take a break, which is the next question?

[12:18] [Ed] A hydration is key.

[12:21] [Phoebe] So in this case, just call it.
Many partners will call a water break or snack break and then you dive back in.
Sometimes it’s done briefly with, you know, one partner.
Sometimes the whole crew will break and then get back at it.
In the same room scenario that we play in, we’ve had, for example, the man will take a break,
he’ll run over, he’ll turn on the ceiling fan, he’ll grab a bottle of water that’s on the dresser,
take a couple chugs, you know, wipe off his forehead and he’ll jump back in.
Yep.
That’s a little mini break.

[13:02] [Unknown] Lounge on the bed, sip some water.
Right.

[13:06] [Phoebe] Watch what’s going on.
He’s still part of it.
He’s still right there.
Perfectly fine.

[13:12] [Unknown] Communication is key.

[13:14] [Phoebe] Observing the needs of everyone involved and making sure they don’t feel left out is also reassuring.

[13:24] [Unknown] Right.

[13:26] [Phoebe] If you’re a couple that likes same room play, having your partner close by is typically very comforting.
And as long as they’re there and you can see him, you can reach out to him.
Yeah, it’s all, it’s usually all very, very good.

[13:46] [Unknown] Exactly.
All right.

[13:49] [Ed] This is another key question that happens all the time.
The question is, what can I do to lengthen my stamina?
So maybe you are overexcited.
Maybe this is a hell of a night and you’re just having a really good time and she’s making all the right noises and the right moves.

[14:11] [Unknown] And you need to go a little longer.

[14:15] [Ed] So how do you extend your play time?

[14:19] [Unknown] Well, I’ll say it.

[14:23] [Ed] Viagra, Cialis, aka Swinger Insurance.
All the podcasts talk about this.
We hear about it in the lifestyle all the time.
There are a number of reasons for using erectile dysfunction medication.
And that is it’s late.
You’re tired.
Not a good combination when you’re trying to have sex.
You’ve been consuming alcohol.
Everybody talks about whiskey dick.
It’s a thing.
So playing in low light, right?
Like you set the mood.
The lights are low.
Now you’re sleeping.
It’s really hard to stay awake, let alone erect the whole time.

[15:19] [Phoebe] Phoebe’s melatonin kicks in in a movie.
I’ve fallen asleep many times in a movie.
Yes.
Yes.

[15:26] [Ed] It’s a thing.

[15:27] [Unknown] I like poker.

[15:29] [Ed] I like poking Phoebe, though.
So most Swinger play situations kind of happen with all of these conditions going on.
Insurance is necessary for a lot of people.
And if you want to make the most of your evening, remember we said,
takes a long time to set this whole thing up and you don’t want to be falling asleep

[15:57] [Unknown] with your new, fun friends.

[16:00] [Ed] That’s not fun.

[16:02] [Unknown] It’s not fun for anyone.

[16:04] [Ed] And yeah, it sets up a whole set of situations where it’s just bad for everybody.
So don’t fall asleep.
And this is a good example of why you want to take breaks sometimes.
Gotta wake up.

[16:19] [Unknown] Gotta run around the room.

[16:21] [Ed] Gotta like, you know, get some food.
And you go into a room that’s maybe brighter light.
Yes.
Wakes you up again.
Yes.
Yes.

[16:31] [Unknown] So.
Maximizing your time.

[16:38] [Phoebe] I mean, you’re an Olympian.
No pressure.
You’re an Olympian.

[16:44] [Ed] Exactly.

[16:45] [Phoebe] You’re there at the games.
The stars have aligned.
And you need to make the most of it.
Because you will probably never see these people ever again.

[16:56] [Ed] And that’s another thing, right?
Like finding that key couple and having multiple dates with them, it happens.
It just doesn’t happen very often.

[17:07] [Unknown] It’s rare.

[17:08] [Ed] And with the expected lifespan of a Swinger lifestyle experience with that couple 18 months,
this may be the only time you see them.

[17:21] [Unknown] Yeah.

[17:22] [Phoebe] Most people are in it for 18 months and they’re out.
So there you go.

[17:27] [Ed] Consider that.
Here’s a really cool thing about safe for sex play.
And safe sex, but safer sex play condoms.
Condoms are really good for desensitizing your penis.

[17:44] [Phoebe] Right.
Although they’ve gotten thinner.

[17:48] [Ed] Yes.
Yeah, they’re not quite the trash bags that they used to be.
But they do reduce sensation just a tiny bit.
And it will help you stay up longer.
So, right.
And that’s actually a good thing to look for.
So if you are really sensitive, don’t buy the super ultra thin, extra ribbed, whatever.
Right.
To, you know, overstimulate you.

[18:16] [Unknown] Right.

[18:17] [Ed] Maybe go for the thicker ones.
Right.

[18:20] [Unknown] That’s real great.
The inner tube.

[18:25] [Ed] And the third point on this one is those alternate techniques, right.
Back to the oral, back to the fingering.
So you start to get excited.
Take a deep breath.
Realize that.
Pull out.
Right.
Switch it up.
Now you’ve stopped stimulating your cock.
You’re stimulating her.
He can take a break.
You can focus on her.
And when you feel the blood pressure come back down, go back at it.

[18:57] [Unknown] So, summarizing.

[18:59] [Ed] Very zen.
Yeah.
It’s all mental.
It’s all mental.
You got to keep your head in the game.
So, I mean, it’s corny in the movies.
They talk about, like, think about baseball.

[19:13] [Phoebe] Oh, yeah.

[19:14] [Ed] Right.
Think about something else.

[19:16] [Phoebe] Doing laundry.

[19:17] [Ed] Right.

[19:18] [Phoebe] Something non-sexual, non-exciting, to kind of reduce your stimulation.

[19:23] [Ed] But I prefer to just pull out and do something else.
Go down on her or play with her breasts or, you know, there’s lots of other things

[19:31] [Unknown] than thinking about baseball.

[19:34] [Ed] Right.
So, Viagra, Sialis, they help improve your rebound capability.

[19:40] [Phoebe] Right.

[19:41] [Ed] Really cool side effect with that is, not only do you, is it easier to stay up, but

[19:47] [Unknown] you can become erect multiple times.

[19:53] [Ed] So, it helps with that whole process.
Connums assist with the endurance and they reduce the sensitivity.

[20:01] [Unknown] And then, you know, mixing it up, keeping, you know, you don’t have to be a one trick pony.

[20:09] [Ed] It’s not just stick it in and bang, bang, bang until you’re done.
Like, right, pull out.
Have some other fun.

[20:18] [Phoebe] You have this couple there in front of you, so take advantage.

[20:23] [Ed] That’s right.
I with all the toys.

[20:25] [Unknown] Right.

[20:26] [Phoebe] The adventure you both embark on will challenge your personal growth and growth together as a couple.
If it’s something you want to take on, I applaud you and your strength and desire to be more than you are today.

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