The Surprising Truth: Casual Sex vs Deep Connection

[Guest] Welcome to Swinger University. Your horizontal enrichment program, slip into something[Guest] more comfortable. It's class time. Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe.[Guest] Hi, this is Ed. And this is Phoebe.[Ed] Today we're talking about sport-fucking versus love-making in the lifestyle. We've mostly[Ed] encountered sport-fucking while swinging, but recently had a love-making session with another couple.[Ed] This episode breaks down the difference between the two styles of sex and what it was like.[Ed] This may be a bit controversial, so if you have additional questions or comments after this episode,[Ed] please email us your thoughts. We'd love to hear your perspective on it.[Phoebe] Let's get f***ing. We're talking about f***ing or love-making or both.[Ed] Is there a difference between f***ing and love-making? And we just hit the R rating because we said[Ed] f*** more than once. So there you go. What defines those two different terms?[Phoebe] Yes. So here's what Webster says, love-making. Sexual activity between lovers, especially sexual[Phoebe] intercourse. All right. So then I was like, okay, well then what's defined? What's a lover?[Phoebe] Right. A partner in a sexual or romantic relationship outside marriage.[Unknown] Hmm. And I was like, what? And then I read more. A person who likes or enjoys something specific.[Phoebe] So now I was like, oh dang, Webster, you've defined lover almost like a swinger.[Ed] Right? Because it pretty much is just a sexual relationship.[Ed] Right? So that would make all of us lovers, which would make the active.[Phoebe] Engaging with that, love-making isn't specific to just the one you love.[Ed] Right. Hmm. So let's get on with the other definitions. Okay. So two f*** to have sex with someone.[Ed] And it's great. We've been watching this little documentary series on the origin of the word[Ed] f***. Nicholas Cage does a great job of talking about it in a bunch of comedians. So if you get a[Ed] chance to watch that, it's frickin hilarious. It's great. It's all the cuss words. And anyway,[Ed] f*** is the first one and it's great. And he says it's so many different ways. It's awesome.[Ed] Oh yeah. It's a fabulous word. Sport f***. Casual sex with friend or other person requiring[Unknown] no commitment to have a good time. Now I usually describe or use the word sport f*** to describe[Ed] something a little bit more visceral than this. Right. In my mind, when I hear sport f***, it's[Ed] very active, very athletic, right? Like a sport. And semi-violent, not like,[Unknown] not kinky violent, but just is not soft. Yes. It's a pounding. Yes. We're talking like the[Ed] headboard smacking up against the hotel room wall kind of f***ing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.[Phoebe] And so Ed and I did something new, which is what spurred on this whole podcast because[Phoebe] you know, something happened. And I had, I was like, wow, this was a whole other experience.[Phoebe] And then I thought about it and I tried to define it and analyze it and all those things[Phoebe] that I like to do. So, so we traveled for a hotel play date. Never got. Never done that before.[Phoebe] It was easy. It was exciting and very surprising. Yes. In a good, good way. And the surprising part[Phoebe] was in reference to these definitions. And like I said earlier, I was quite surprised by my[Ed] perspective. Right. You had a, you were trying to put words to describe how different it was.[Phoebe] Yes. And, and, and so we'll get to that. Okay. So here already have kind of a window into[Unknown] what I'm going to talk about. But here's the scene. We decided to take an out of town trip to meet[Phoebe] our super hot red couple whom we've played with before at other venues. But going out of town and[Phoebe] getting a hotel room and staying the night and doing the dinner and all that stuff. This is all[Phoebe] new. Like I said, right. So we did. We got through. We went to dinner. Fabulous dinner. It was[Ed] was great. So great. So, so great. Margaritas. It was good. Yes. We go back to the hotel.[Phoebe] We change the Mrs. Red and I change into lingerie. We have a few more drinks. Not, not, not a lot[Phoebe] because we had had summit dinner. And we were talking and chatting and then things happened.[Phoebe] We had sex. And then we slept in the same room. It was a super cool swing or slumber party,[Phoebe] which was new and different. We woke up the next day and it was like that. Done.[Phoebe] End of podcast. Bye. See you later. No, just kidding. Okay. So here's what happened.[Phoebe] Sex with Mr. Red. What I like about sex with Mr. Red is he's very present. It's not a race.[Phoebe] There's full eye contact. And this full connection to what feels good in the moment.[Phoebe] The sex was very sensual and fun. It wasn't about hammer time. In fact, he was giving me[Phoebe] oral and he was down there and he's like, all right. I'm sure you've had enough. I'm like,[Phoebe] no, no, you need to get back down there. I told him to get back down there. It was really nice.[Phoebe] And oral for me is very challenging because I'm going to hit miss. It is. I'm extremely sensitive.[Phoebe] And so I gave him a little direction like maybe one or two or three hints. Not a lot. He knew[Phoebe] exactly what to do with that information and went to town. And I was like, oh my god. Stay down[Unknown] there. Oh god, that was so good. Getting warm already. Okay. Even with Mrs. Red and Ed on the other[Phoebe] cup on the other side of the room on the other bed because there's two queen beds in the room,[Phoebe] I wasn't there. I wasn't distracted. I was just in the moment over there. I was doing[Unknown] with the moment. And so here's I don't know. We were probably, I don't know, how long did[Phoebe] this sex session go on? Well, you and Mrs. Red were quite a while over there. Yeah, we were[Phoebe] like that night. Hours. And then we took a break and then we all went back at it again. And[Phoebe] what was so cool was that after I described this session with Mr. Red as lovemaking[Phoebe] and it wasn't creepy at all. And so I'm talking to Ed and I'm like, you know, it felt like[Phoebe] lovemaking, but not in a weird way. Not in a like a you with sex with you kind of Ed way.[Phoebe] And so I know all of you are like freaking out right now. So let me try and break those down.[Phoebe] So my my ability and mentally emotionally separate the difference between the lovemaking[Phoebe] experiences with Ed versus Mr. Red fascinated me, which is why I was telling you I looked up these[Phoebe] definitions. And this perspective, I will tell you is way different than my perspective 10[Phoebe] years ago. And so when I say lovemaking, it was intimate. It was intentional and an appreciation[Phoebe] of my entire body. That's what that experience was. And I wasn't just a whole to be fucked,[Phoebe] which, you know, can happen in a lifestyle and happens to, you know, the best of us and almost[Ed] made me stop from staying in the lifestyle. Sure, it wasn't that much fun. But I will say,[Phoebe] it has to do with the quality of the people that both Mr. and Mrs. Red are. I mean, knowing[Phoebe] their mental and emotional fortitude and they have to rise above that extreme, you know, they[Phoebe] had some extreme adversity in their life and hang on to their humanity and empathy and kindness.[Phoebe] Like that's what makes them so special. And we have a few friends like this in our life that are[Phoebe] just true, true diamonds. And and maybe this, that's what it is. Maybe it's just that this connection[Unknown] to people that that Nirvana that we we always heard about, you know, when we first started in the[Phoebe] lifestyle, we're like, oh, you know, this connection to this couple and we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah,[Phoebe] we're like, that never exists because we had the damnedest time trying to find those connections[Phoebe] with people. And now I get it though, why? When you can find the connection, it's really good. I[Phoebe] wasn't ready for that type of vulnerability. There's that too. Because I, I didn't, I wasn't confident[Phoebe] that it was was going to not threaten our connection. Right. We talked about that early on and that[Ed] we didn't want to break what we had. Exactly. And, you know, going into this and, you know,[Ed] getting attached and and I wouldn't say that we have an emotional attachment to them, but we have[Ed] we have a very strong friendship with them and a very strong social bond with them and obviously[Unknown] a sexual bond with them because we have a great time every time we get together with them. Right.[Unknown] Yeah. And so it was just like the most interesting and I want to say best, but there's a lot of[Phoebe] bests. It was the best love making session outside of my relationship with Ed that I've ever had.[Phoebe] There you go. The best sex. While I was married, they're partnered with somebody. I mean,[Phoebe] because I've had other boyfriends and stuff. So yeah, but yeah, but you know what I mean? It was crazy.[Phoebe] It was it was kind of wild. So, so I probably should have gone in more details, but[Phoebe] we'll let you go and talk about yours. Yeah. So I had a very I had a a[Unknown] similar experience with Mrs. Red. There's lots of foreplay and kissing, which was a little frustrating[Ed] for her because she's so used to the interactions where it's kind of like Wambam. Thank you,[Ed] man. Like she likes single guys. And so she's she's really into that kind of different experience[Ed] than what she gets with Mr. Red, which I think that's just his style. Like how he was playing with[Ed] Phoebe's. That's just how he goes. Yeah. So it could be. Yeah. So I was teasing her a little bit.[Unknown] Oh, yeah. Kind of dragging it out. Yes. I like foreplay and I like kissing. And she's a good[Ed] kisser. So I was there for a while. And you were down between her legs for a while?[Unknown] Oh, yeah. I do love to to eat me some. And she was begging for it. Yes.[Phoebe] I heard that on the other side of the room and I was just dying. I was like, oh yeah, that's[Ed] awesome. Yeah. And so that that's the thing. I I was like I said, I was teasing her. So a little[Ed] bit of the, you know, slap in the penis on the clip kind of thing and rubbing and just[Ed] everything but what she was asking for in a good way, right? Like yeah. Not in a wrong hole kind of[Unknown] way. Right. But you know, and she was complaining using her quote here. Yeah. Yeah. And it was great.[Ed] So what was interesting though is that I think because the style that she likes and prefers,[Ed] I was kind of playing off of that. And it was a little bit more on the the fucking side of[Ed] that sensuality. Right. But it wasn't straight on, you know, sports band. Thank you, ma'am.[Ed] Right. And I'm done. Right. I took my time. I worked her up really good. And we destroyed that[Ed] bed. Oh yeah, you did. And we even had, we even had one of the sport blankets down to, to like,[Ed] protect. But I think the second round is what actually did us in. But see, you're a good[Phoebe] fuck partner of dance partner. Right. Right. Just like with kissing, right? You followed her lead.[Ed] Exactly. But I was still doing things. I was whispering things in her ear. I was kissing her neck.[Ed] I was caressing her. I was having a good time just kind of exploring her. She's physically[Ed] very different than Phoebe. And it's fun to play with somebody who's different. Absolutely. Yeah.[Phoebe] Different bodies are so different. They're fun. They're interesting. They're so amazing. They're[Unknown] nice to explore that variety. Right. Yeah. But the whole thing was still playful and light.[Ed] We were having fun. Like we were laughing. We would look over everyone's novel at the other bed[Ed] and see Phoebe and Mr. Red. And I was making comments back and forth with her about, oh, he's[Ed] really given it to her. I think she's enjoying that. Because I still like to check in on Phoebe and[Ed] see if she's she's doing well or at least having a good time. Yeah. But it was still passionate and[Ed] intense. Yeah. Because we were both into it. Yeah. And it was a lot of fun.[Ed] And it was hot. And we were both really horny. So it was all kinds of fun. So so wait, go ahead.[Ed] Yeah. So we were still very focused on what we were doing. But we were still kind of paying[Unknown] attention to what was going on in the room. All right. We need your help so that your community,[Ed] the very one you love and have so much fun with can also find our show. Here's a really easy[Ed] way to do that. If you're listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify, hit that follow button and[Ed] leave us a rating. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn on notifications.[Ed] We can't emphasize enough how much this helps the swing our community. And it truly is up to you[Ed] to make that happen. It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can even find us.[Ed] And here's the thing. When someone searches Swinger podcast, the algorithm doesn't care how good[Ed] our content is or how long we've been around. It only cares about ratings and reviews. We'd[Ed] appreciate it. And your community will really appreciate it. Thanks for listening.[Phoebe] What was, why do you think this was so different? Do you think because we were,[Unknown] it's been different with them every single time. Right. And I was thinking it was because this was[Ed] the third time that we'd played with them. But the first two times were fascinating.[Phoebe] Just as fun. I wonder if it's just because one, the individuals that they are,[Phoebe] just so easy to be around. It's so comfortable. They're passionate, fun.[Phoebe] Just real, real individuals. Like when I say real, there's no like barriers or[Unknown] yeah, they're super honest and there's like, yeah, there's no walls. Yeah, there's no walls.[Phoebe] And and we've had that that that privacy just to play in in a room with just one couple. And we[Phoebe] don't really have the opportunity to do that often. If we're at a party and we go into a room[Phoebe] and close a door, which we have done, you're still, you're not in there for very long period of time[Phoebe] because you're at a party and other people want to use a room. So you're kind of people will knock[Phoebe] or that's the only bathroom in that particular. You get the parade. You get the parade to use the[Phoebe] bathroom. Yeah. So or you know, the only other time we've had that privacy is at like at the[Phoebe] hotels. But we frequent a lot of parties. So you're not in that situation often unless you're[Unknown] setting up a date. Yeah. And the interesting thing the last two times we ended up so to speak in[Ed] our room. So there wasn't this impetus to be done and yeah. Right. It was it was our room. We[Ed] could take as much time as we wanted to. Right. And I think the first time we played with them,[Ed] we were still up until I think four in the morning. Yeah. And there were there was another couple in[Ed] the room with us. And they were fun too. We had a great time with them as well. But the connection[Ed] specifically with Mr. and Mrs. Red was different. Like we we just we kind of get them. Like it just[Unknown] clicks. Yeah. I know. It's it's awesome. So now I'm going to talk about sport packing. How Ed[Phoebe] defines sport packing. Right. Because I did see something at a party. Yeah. And we wanted to throw[Ed] this in as a as a contrast because this was this was actually almost disturbing to watch. For me,[Ed] it was I had to leave. I was a little disturbed by it too. Oh, you were. Oh, yes. Well, I feel[Phoebe] better now. Okay. So sport packing. Think campus, frat party, drinking lots of flirting, quick[Phoebe] decisions falling on a bed and just getting busy. We have done that cruise ship playroom downstairs,[Phoebe] wall to wall people bent over fucking who is right. It was so fun. I mean, yes, lots of[Phoebe] fucking sport, but but still that's kind of you're run of the mill average. Just[Phoebe] have a night stand kind of set. Yes. Yes. The light version of sport packing. Yeah. It's still[Ed] mostly fun and not saying you're trying to hurt someone. Yes. Okay. So here we are at our unicorn friends[Phoebe] house party. This is what I call extreme sport of the gang. Right. We think it's going to be[Phoebe] exhibition sport in the next Olympics extreme extreme extreme extreme. Yeah. Oh, that would be fun.[Phoebe] That would be fun. I wouldn't participate. I don't know. I couldn't participate and I couldn't[Phoebe] watch. So, okay, never mind. I don't like that. Yeah. All right. All right. So it bordered on SNM[Ed] kink is my as how I define it. Right. In terms of like almost dominating that but in in an[Ed] animalistic sense and not in a controlling sense. Right. And it took me a while to process it[Phoebe] afterwards because I had such a strong reaction to it. So here's this this man and he was I'm not[Phoebe] kidding you. He was literally the Hulk at five foot tall. Like he looked like the Hulk just[Phoebe] shorter. Right. Massive. Man. Just massive. And I think his nose even had muscles. It was crazy.[Phoebe] Okay. So there was a couch and anyone could could walk by it was on this like landing area. So[Phoebe] there was a couch and a man sit it seated seated on the couch. Right. There was a woman on her hands[Phoebe] and knees on the floor giving the guy on the couch a blowjob. Right. There was another woman[Unknown] off to the side of her shoulder kneeling and you know close by and watching monitoring is what I[Unknown] decided later was happening. And then Mr. Hulk was behind the woman giving the blowjob[Phoebe] and he was fucking her. Now he was in this squat low, low squat position.[Phoebe] Mind you she's on her knees. So you know he had to be really low because the woman wasn't that tall[Phoebe] and he's short. And he's grabbing her hair and he is just fucking her. And here's the rhythm.[Unknown] That's how fast it was. Right. And I was like and he looked and he was sweating and he was breathing[Phoebe] heavy and I was looking at the guy on the couch getting a blowjob and I was like oh my god. Hopefully[Ed] she's got a big belt and she's not going to use teeth. And the blowjob wasn't gentle at all either.[Phoebe] Like she's getting hammered from both ends. Oh god see I was only focused on Mr. Hulk at the[Phoebe] at the end. So I had a really strong reaction to that and I thought oh that looks that looks[Phoebe] it looks too violent for me. So I just had to turn around and leave the room. Right.[Phoebe] What I didn't realize later was the woman off to the side was his wife and she was making[Phoebe] sure the other woman was okay. So I think it was that kind of dom submissive type of permission[Phoebe] that they had with this other couple that clearly knew them very well because I saw them engaging[Phoebe] in the at the party later. And so they were obviously very they seemed very comfortable with one[Phoebe] other in order to go to this level of extreme for spark packing. And apparently very comfortable with[Unknown] the nature of that sex. Yeah. And that's totally not our style. So I say we're power to them.[Phoebe] But they have that level of comfort but I was like oh hell no I'm not down for that. But I applaud them[Phoebe] for experimenting and doing something which was clearly pleasurable they liked it.[Phoebe] I just I just couldn't watch it. It was just a little too violent for me. It's outside of our[Phoebe] wheelhouse. Yeah. Yeah. Now maybe in the past if I had had different life experiences that[Phoebe] display of extreme sport packing maybe wouldn't affect me the way it does. But because of those life[Phoebe] experiences that I've had in the past that was my reaction. So there you go.[Ed] Well and everybody likes to fuck a different way. Yeah. Some women need a lot more stimulation[Ed] and apparently this woman needed a lot of stimulation. She just wanted to be pounded and controlled.[Ed] I get a good pounding but this this was I know it was it was really it was extremely hard.[Phoebe] So my my neck would have been broken the next day.[Phoebe] Our different sex preferences. I would say Mr. and Mrs. Red are like kind of zero inhibitions[Ed] you know with them. Right in terms of like to classify the openness and the level of communication[Ed] and the level of kind of sincerity with the reaction. Yeah. Yeah. You can ask and say anything and[Phoebe] it's just accepted or or if it's not you know something you you say what you want and it's[Ed] you know everything's on the table for the most part. Yeah. But if you if you say something that you[Ed] don't want they're like okay fine. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. No judgment zone. Now we had another couple[Phoebe] well two other couples one couple sadly is not in lifestyle anymore that um that was local to us[Phoebe] and then there is this cruise couple that we that we played with and that was more what I would[Phoebe] call like explorative sex where you're trying new things and you know exploring it. It was[Ed] experimenting. We haven't tried that before. Yeah. That'll be fun. Let's whip out that toy.[Phoebe] Let's try this. Let's do this and that. Let's do like girl and girl. Let's do double-ended[Phoebe] dildo. Let's do this. Let's do this. Let's do three some. Let's do two two. I mean[Ed] they're the bucket list couple right like they've got their list and they're happy to share it with[Phoebe] you and see if we can knock some stuff off. Yeah. But it's fun and it's playful and it's you know[Unknown] yes it's exploring. It's exploring and and I like I like couples like that because it's[Phoebe] it's really fun. You get to learn and discover new things together and it's exciting. Learning is[Phoebe] fun. Learning is fun. And then there's the you know love making sex which too we I always have[Phoebe] with you and then what we do fucking too. Vacation. We like to get down on dirty and then yeah[Phoebe] and then you know Mr. Red and Mrs. Red are back on that they're just kind of everything. Yeah we'll[Phoebe] have to get back together with them soon. Yeah maybe we should invite them to podcast a poloza.[Phoebe] By the way it's coming up. If you're listening to this episode prior to June 2022[Unknown] it's happening and we'll be announcing it soon in a different way. We're actually tweeting it[Phoebe] already. Yes. If you get to go that's where you get to meet your lovely podcasters and have a[Phoebe] great time and play at this resort and there's oh my god. It looks fabulous. It's a whole[Unknown] thing about going. Hotel takeover. Yeah yeah yeah. Some people get into the lifestyle to explore their[Phoebe] sexuality and experiment while others like to fixate on one thing. This could be a bucket list[Phoebe] as Ed was mentioning with a rotation of new couples and very few intimate connections.[Phoebe] There's no right or wrong only how you want to explore the lifestyle. Maybe you have[Phoebe] vanilla friends you only go to dinner with and some you can find everything too.[Phoebe] The lifestyle offers so many ways to grow and expand your sexuality or just focus on a few kinks.[Phoebe] Whatever it is for you we hope you find fulfillment in your adventure together.[Ed] The Swinger University needs your help. If you like our podcast let the world know or at least[Ed] telephoto swing or two. Not only will you be helping us you'll be helping your fellow swing[Ed] lifestylers. Please rate and review us on Apple Google and Amazon podcasts. You can share your[Ed] favorite episodes on social media. We're at TikTok at Swinger University, Twitter and Instagram[Ed] at SwingU Podcast. Email us at SwingerUniversity at gmail.com and visit our website at SwingerUniversity.com[Ed] where you can find more information as well as visit our affiliates page to get a free 30-day[Ed] membership at Cassidy.com. Thank you for listening to Swinger University, your horizontal and[Unknown] richman podcast. Oh one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way the[Ed] single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds[Ed] and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education. And we've made it[Ed] easy. Visit SwingerUniversity.com forward slash review. All the instructions are there.[Ed] Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.