Swinger Cruise Review: Why We Keep Going Back to Bliss

[00:00] [Ed] Phoebe and I are about to embark on our third Swinger Cruise.
Want to know why we keep coming back and what makes a Swinger Cruise so much fun?

[00:09] [Unknown] Welcome to Swinger University.
Your horizontal enrichment program offering you the naked facts about swinging.

[00:24] [Guest] Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe.

[00:30] [Ed] So first we want to give a shout out to Kim and Mike for your Patreon pledge.
We appreciate it.

[00:40] [Phoebe] Very, very nice and I sent them a thank you the other day.
I love it.
I love you guys.
Alright, we are going to set the scene for this cruise.
Let’s get to it.
Full ship takeover.
This is what a Swinger Cruise means.
It is the full ship.
Now I will say they’re not all Swingers, but the majority are because you have your Swinger lovers who just like to hang around us because why?

[01:07] [Ed] Because we’re cool and sexy and it’s fun and we’re open minded.

[01:11] [Phoebe] So who doesn’t love all that?
Let’s see, let’s see.
The ship this year this fall is a little smaller than last year, which is fine.
It’s still half the size.
Still 3000 people.

[01:29] [Ed] I mean, well, I guess it’s not exactly half the size.
Full capacity would have been half the size.
But the last ship, there were only 4500 this time.
I think the capacity is 3000 for the ship.
Yeah, and they are full this time.

[01:44] [Unknown] Yeah, full, full, full.

[01:47] [Phoebe] The benefit is you meet a thousand new Swinger friends.
You exchange information and hopefully you meet up on another vacation together.
I mean, the opportunities of meeting tons of people are just phenomenal, right?
Yeah.
You have lots of opportunities to find your tribe and we’ll get into how that will occur when we start talking about some other things.

[02:09] [Ed] So a Swinger cruise isn’t any different than a normal cruise at kind of its foundation.
It’s a cruise ship, so it has all the same amenities.
So if you went there for a vanilla cruise, you’d have the same facilities and the same amenities that you would have.
There’s bars and venues.
So in addition to your, you know, your martini bar and your coffee bars and all of that kind of stuff, the shopping, there’s clubs.
There’s a comedy club.
There’s sometimes the piano bar, sometimes the piano bar.
There’s a quarry, okay bar.
Right.
So there’s lots of, oh, there’s a sports bar.
Right, right, right, right.
I haven’t done a video tour of our ship.
I did that on our last ship.
And there were crazy things on the last ship.
I think this ship is a little less crazy, but it still got, I mean cruise ships are kind of nuts anyway.
There’s a lot of stuff on the boat.
So you got to eat while you’re on the ship too.
So there are buffets all over the ship, little teeny restaurants.
There’s specialty dining.
So you can go have a nice sit down sushi meal or a steakhouse.
Usually there’s something kind of above and beyond the normal, almost fast food, kind of fair that they have.
But there’s also a formal dining room where napkins, tablecloths and big tables so that you can sit with a group of people.
Now you can either bring your own people or you can be seated at a table with random people.
Which can be fun because you get to meet people who you’ve never, maybe never run into before.

[03:54] [Phoebe] Which is kind of interesting or awkward if the conversation doesn’t go very well.

[04:00] [Ed] And we’ve had to go both ways.

[04:02] [Phoebe] Yeah, we have.
It’s about a 50-50 chance.
So depending on how you feel, pick your poison.

[04:08] [Ed] And usually what we’ll try and do is coordinate with some folks and say,
we’ll meet at the dining area at a particular time.
And usually earlier is a little bit better because then you can have the rest of the evening to do other things.

[04:23] [Phoebe] Right. Right.
The other thing that the ship has is lots of DJs.
This time they’re going to have five.
And so they’re everywhere all throughout the ship at the pool, at the clubs, at the events.
They usually have big dance parties where you get to dance and show off your formal wear.
Whatever theme night it is.
In the night it is, yeah.

[04:47] [Ed] So DJs, Philly, Phil, Stephen, Bee, Ezell, Omar, and Silo are going to be on this crew.
So some fairly famous DJs.
It’s going to be kind of fun.

[04:58] [Phoebe] And then, oh my gosh, I’m so excited for this one.
Yeah, this one’s going to be great.
The burlesque show by the Lala’s.
I’m so excited.
It’s going to be so sexy.

[05:10] [Ed] Yeah.
We love burlesque shows and usually with a cruise, the shows are fairly decent length of time.
And so this is going to be a nice burlesque show.

[05:21] [Phoebe] The other show they have is a queen cover band.
Super excited about that because I love queen.
So that’s also another one of the shows in the evening.

[05:33] [Ed] There’s also a comedy show and usually the comedy show on The Swanger Cruises is hilarious.
The comedians love it because they get to make all kinds of really raunchy, probably inappropriate for a lot of audiences, jokes that we all get.
And they get to kind of riff off the whole bunch of swingers on a ship.
Right.
And the woman who’s going to be on this particular cruise is Christy Miller.

[06:01] [Unknown] And she was coined the nasty barbie of comedy.

[06:07] [Ed] And she’d worked with Andrew Dice Clay.
So she’s been around for quite a while.
And it should be a lot of fun.

[06:15] [Phoebe] It should be really funny.
Can’t wait for that.
Then you also have your spa.
The spa also has classes and workshops, which are kind of cool.
I always see that on the itinerary and I’ve never been, but this time I might do that and see what new things that they’re promoting.
You know, you can always learn about, I mean, in their skin treatments, right?
They’re like Botox or hair masks or stuff like that.
And if you ever wanted to know about micro needling, you can go to one of the classes and find out.
Not that you’re going to get it done.
But you know, you can they have those classes.
And I’m sure they’re free.

[06:51] [Ed] There’s always some kind of a drawing for a painting, you know, where you can win a painting.
And they’ve done like silent auction kind of things before.
Right.
And there’s a whole range of shops there where they’re they’re selling artwork and whatnot.
And I think they ship it to your house and pretty sure they ship it to your house.
So you don’t even have to worry about taking it off the ship.
Exercise classes.
There’s a full gym there, although on Swinger Cruises, the gym is usually packed.
So swingers like to exercise, like to stay in shape.
And the last ship we tried to get into the exercise equipment, but it was really challenging because there were so many people there.
Yeah, it was ridiculous.

[07:37] [Unknown] Shopping on the boat.

[07:40] [Phoebe] And then there’s the casino.
Did we talk about the casino?
No, we did not.

[07:44] [Ed] We did not.

[07:45] [Phoebe] But if you like to gamble, the casino is fun.
And they had, last time, the best, what was it?
Martini.
What was it?

[07:53] [Unknown] A coffee martini?

[07:54] [Ed] Yeah, espresso.

[07:55] [Phoebe] Mm-hmm.
That was the only place to get it.
So we go there and get our espresso martini late at night.

[07:59] [Ed] That was really yummy.

[08:01] [Phoebe] Yes.
Ports.

[08:04] [Ed] You know, it’s a cruise ship.
The boat lands at places.
They’re going to land it a couple different islands.
We’re going to be on Kursal and Aruba.
Yes.
And those should be really super tropical and beautiful and the beaches should be really
nice.
Yes.
There’s, you’re normal sightseeing.
Like you can take driving tours around the islands and there’s plenty to eat and drink.
And recommendation really is to kind of get out of the port area and get out into town.

[08:40] [Unknown] If you kind of stay right where the ship docks, the shops are a little, they’re very touristy

[08:47] [Ed] and they’re not great deals.
So move out from there and see the stuff kind of outside of what the cruise ship provides

[08:55] [Phoebe] you.
Unless you’re looking for the charge keys and things like that for family members, then they’re

[08:59] [Ed] great for that.
Yeah.
If you want to get your shot glasses in your collectible spoons, then they’re.

[09:03] [Phoebe] And your magnets and necklaces.
But if you’re looking for a sun hat, you’ll get that there.
I wanted to mention that we are going to hopefully snorkel with the turtles.

[09:17] [Ed] Yeah.
Pretty excited about that.
That should be super cool.
Now the turtles are seasonal.
So we’re hoping that the turtles will be there.

[09:25] [Phoebe] Please be there.
Swinger activities.
You have a ton of meat and green.
So when I say a ton, they’re happening all day long every day.
So I just, your soft swap full swap age group, kinks and fetish meat and greets.
I mean, they even had Asian meat and greets, sexy and silver meat and greed over 45, under 45 over 55,
and like do you swing dance meat and greet like I don’t.
All these different categories.
It was for you.
Oh, and they had a meat and greet for the non-swingers that just like to hang with us.
So they have thought of everybody.
If you want to come and find your tribe, you can absolutely do that during the day at a meat and greet.
They also have speed day meat.
You talk about that.

[10:14] [Ed] Speed dating is really fun because it’s couples speed dating and it’s a really quick and easy way to meet new couples.
What’s kind of fun about it is people are really excited to go do this because it kind of breaks the ice for you.
You don’t have to approach people.
It’s facilitated.
So the class always fills up and you’ve got to get there early.
If you don’t get there early, you’re not going to get in.

[10:37] [Phoebe] Tribal agent groups are open to everyone, really.
It’s like their own meat and greet kind of.
Yeah.
They don’t meet and greets.
They do an appreciation for all the people that booked through them.
So they’re going away free necklaces, free drink holders and things like that.
Other fun things.
But you’re always welcome to come to one of their events that they’re holding and they’re really, really fun.
So if you’re looking to change the travel agent, I would check out one of their events or just go to one because they’re fun people too.
Yeah.

[11:10] [Ed] And you get to hear the perks of what each travel agent has.

[11:13] [Phoebe] Yeah.
Each one has nice perks and I do like that.
I like a little more white glove.
It’s kind of nice when all the details of a vacation start to pile up.
But if you are looking for that, you will find those agencies on the ship.

[11:29] [Unknown] Yeah.

[11:30] [Ed] And if you’re not, it’s also just a good way to meet other people because they’re fun parties.
They usually pass out drinks and there’s orders and it’s fun, fun place to hang out.

[11:41] [Unknown] All right.

[11:47] [Ed] We need your help so that your community, the very one you love and have so much fun with can also find our show.
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[12:46] [Phoebe] Education, education.
A favorite part?
They’ve got a bunch of cool classes this time.
They always have classes.
They’ve got a newbies class.

[12:59] [Ed] Yeah, so it’s like an orientation class for Swinger Cruises, like right at the beginning of the cruise.

[13:04] [Unknown] So if you’re brand new and you’re nervous about the cruise, go to the class, they’ll help you figure it out.

[13:13] [Phoebe] They’ve got it.
They’ve got the yawney workshop approaching and closing, a prostate massage workshop, or geez.
I guess what, how to have an orgy, how to coordinate an orgy and how to participate in an orgy.
Okay.
I like that one.
Self esteem and tantra.
And these are just some of them.
I mean, the book is full of them.

[13:40] [Ed] Yeah, there’s all kinds of different seminars that they’re going to offer.

[13:44] [Phoebe] So you can really take advantage.
I mean, your ticket on the boat isn’t just all inclusive, you know, food and room and entertainment.
I mean, it’s these other classes as well.
Now, some of them do have an upcharge, but there’s a lot of them that are free.

[14:00] [Ed] There’s going to be a class on how to make porn or how to turn your significant other into a porn star.
And the whole thing is it’s being run by two professional porn stars.

[14:13] [Phoebe] So that might be fun to go hang out, check out, get a tip from a porn star.
Oh, and this next class is going to be your favorite.

[14:24] [Ed] Yeah, there’s a blow job class and a pussy play class.

[14:28] [Phoebe] Oh, that’s my favorite.

[14:30] [Ed] This is the class that has the upcharge.
They’re sex educators, but they actually in the brochure, they’re really hot.
So it might actually be worth the ticket price.

[14:43] [Phoebe] All right, we’re going to have to we’re going to have to mark that down.
I’ve already started circling and highlighting my program.
And that’s the other thing that you’ll get in the email when you book through your travel agent.
You’ll get this program ahead of time several weeks ahead of time.
And it gives you a chance to read through the whole thing and highlight circle like like me.

[15:02] [Ed] You see all the times for things where they’re going to be.
And there’s we didn’t it’s not in our outline, but there’s a morning video where they talk about some of the activities
and some of the things that are going on like when certain like key events are.

[15:19] [Phoebe] Right. Plus every evening they will put under your door or on your bed,
a an itinerary for that next day.
It’s even more detailed than the brochure thing.
I was whatever it’s called, but I was just talking about.
Yeah. Right. And that tells you what is happening each day.
And that’s that’s really cool.
We always take that to breakfast and do the highlight.

[15:42] [Ed] Yes. Sometimes classes get canceled or sometimes they can move.
So it’s important to kind of pay attention to that sheet.
Right. And classes repeat.
So there’s a couple of the classes that will be done several times during the week.
So if you miss it the first time, you might be able to do it the second,
but not all of them repeat.
So if there is one that is only happening once and you really want to do it,
make sure you get there.
And I don’t recommend carrying a watch on vacation.
But for this particular thing, it’s kind of good to pay attention to time a little bit
so that you can get to the things when they they click off or don’t.
Right.

[16:20] [Unknown] You don’t.

[16:21] [Phoebe] The other workshop they have, they call play shops.
And they’re going to have one every day for four days.
And it’s run by a certified sex therapist and an intimacy, sex educator.
And so you get to do a lot of practical, you know, hands on education with your partner.
So that sounds really exciting.
That might have a, I’m sure it probably has a little bit of an upcharge to it,
but it looks really, really good.
The other thing they had last year on the cruise was,
there’s not quite the same, but I call it a play shop because we played.
It was a ladies meet and greet.
So you met in a bar and then you moved to the play room and you got to experience
or borrow, use some of the toys that they were educating you on.
And they had a whole cleaning station and all that.
And you got to use a toy on somebody else or have it used on you.
Or you, I mean, there was, it was, it was amazing.

[17:25] [Ed] It was literally play time.

[17:27] [Phoebe] It was, it was so fun.
It was so fun.
And so you really, you got excited and turned on and you got to try before you buy.

[17:37] [Ed] Which is great because if anybody’s ever bought sex toys and I’m sure everyone who’s listening to this
has bought sex toys, they’re not cheap.
No.
Some of them are really expensive.
Yes.
And you get to try a couple that were.

[17:49] [Unknown] Yeah.

[17:50] [Phoebe] Pussy.
Up there.
And so I hope they do that again.
That was, that was a good experience.

[17:56] [Ed] Yeah, maybe they’ll add that.

[17:57] [Unknown] We’ll see.

[17:58] [Ed] There’s always multiple playrooms on the ship.
And this year, there’s also going to be an outdoor playroom, which is super exciting.
We love the solarium.
The solariums.
The floor plans a little bit different than on the first cruise that we were on.
And much different than the last cruise that we were on, which is better.
And it was just great.
It was indoors.
It was a little warm.
It was kind of soothing and.

[18:27] [Unknown] It was warm.

[18:28] [Phoebe] The last cruise, which wasn’t so great, was that it had a lot of open air panels.
So the roof wasn’t completely closed.
So the guide would rip through there.
Got a little chilly.
Yeah.
So.

[18:41] [Ed] There’s going to be a conference room playroom.
There was at the, they usually have this on all of the cruise ships.
But they’re going to have it again this year.
There’s a fetish room.

[18:53] [Unknown] So if you’re, if you’re under a little spank and tickle, don’t have it there.

[18:58] [Ed] And there’s also going to be an, like I said, an outdoor one.
And it’s up on the rooftop.
It’s up on the top deck.
And it’s going to be from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.
So once the other playrooms close at three or four, this one will still be open for a few more hours.
So if you still want to have some fun, you can go play outdoors up on the top deck, which is cool.

[19:21] [Unknown] Pool time.

[19:23] [Phoebe] You talk about pool time.
Because I want to do clothing.

[19:26] [Ed] Yeah.
I love, I love pool time.
So pretty much as soon as the ship pulls out from port about a mile out,
they’ll basically sound an alarm, so to speak, announce that everybody can take their clothes off.

[19:39] [Phoebe] And what is it like three miles out or something?

[19:42] [Ed] Yeah, it’s like, I think it’s a mile.

[19:44] [Phoebe] Oh, okay.

[19:45] [Ed] It’s pretty quick.
It doesn’t take very long.
And as soon as you’re out there, everybody starts taking their stuff off and pool time happens.
Well, pool time’s been going on the whole time because pretty much that’s where everybody hangs out during the day.

[19:58] [Phoebe] But I will tell you the experienced Swinger cruisers, they will bring on their carry on bag or in their purse, a change of clothes,
or they’ll be wearing their swimsuit when they get underneath.
Right.
So they don’t have to wait for their luggage to get to their room.
Right.
They are in the pool instantly.

[20:19] [Ed] Because your bags are being carried up from the lower decks to your actual room.
So in the meantime, you don’t have any of your stuff.
So bring your stuff with you.
So if you arrive the night before the day before, pour a little mini bag.
Exactly.

[20:34] [Unknown] With your ghost stuff and your sunscreen and be ready to have some fun.

[20:41] [Ed] Exactly.
If the DJ will be kicking off, there’s going to be some fun pool splashing and frolicing.
People will be dancing, people will be having a great time.
The cocktails will obviously start flowing almost immediately.
Yes.
And the layout, this boat is pretty nice.
There’s two pools kind of right next to each other.
So when you say, hey, let’s meet at the pool area, it’s one place.
On the last ship, there were two separate pools on opposite side.
Actually, there were four pools.
Yeah.
On opposite sides of this giant like chasm.
It was like a middle onion right down the middle of the ship.
So you had to go all the way around that to get to the other pools.
It was annoying.
It was a little annoying.
So this ship is a little better layout for interacting with people, which is kind of cool.

[21:32] [Phoebe] Yeah.
And so then they’ll have playmaker.
Then they’ll start the games and all the good shenanigans that happen in a pool.
The last thing we wanted to talk about is clothing.
They always have theme nights, theme nights are fun.
Everyone participates.
Everyone loves to dress up.
And we have all of our outfits planned, planned, planned, planned.
We started several months ago.
Your travel agents or the crews will push that out in an email several months ahead.
So you have time to buy and coordinate your outfits.
Some of the themes, for example, are formal night, color night, angels and demons night, ABC night.
White night, glow night, you know, all the standards, winger themes that we all go to at all events.
So I would suggest trying on your outfits ahead of time and matching, try and match several pairs of shoes with one outfit.
So you can reduce some of the weight of your luggage and bulk coordinate all your jewelry, panties, socks, everything.
Put the whole thing together ahead of time and pack it together.
That way, when you’re in the room, you just pull out everything and everything just goes on.
If you’re nervous a little bit about an outfit, you think, well, if I’m feeling fluffy that day,
because, you know, I ate too much, right, drank too much, I’m a little bloated, bring it back up outfit.
That fits the thing. That’s what I do.
Get all your stuff packed and then, yeah, try not to watch the video of how they handle your luggage in the airport.
Yeah, I just saw that video.

[23:20] [Ed] Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s a pretty, it’s, it’s insane.

[23:23] [Phoebe] Like, it’s bad bad.
The particular robot.
Yeah, it literally kicks your bag.
Boom, across.
Yeah, your bag is slammed.
Yeah, I’m surprised ours has made it as long as it has.

[23:37] [Ed] And none of our stuff has ever gotten broken.
No, shocking.
But I’m an excellent maker.
Speaking of stuff getting broken, having to deal with that.
So we’re trying something different for the, the cruise.
We’re going to do daily recaps.
We did it the last cruise and we’re going to do it again this time.
We did it in Costa Rica.
We have fun doing them because it kind of lets us relive the previous night a little bit
and we get to unwind about the whole thing.
But now that we’re doing video and audio, we’re going to do some video recaps for YouTube,
which is going to be super fun.
And we’re going to do our normal podcast recaps.

[24:14] [Phoebe] I didn’t know we were going to do both.
I thought we were just going to give them the video.

[24:18] [Ed] We’re going to do both.
Yeah.
So I’ve been experimenting for the last week with all of the equipment to make sure everything works
and a new portable recorder, knock on wood, everything’s all figured out by now.

[24:34] [Unknown] But I can’t tell you how hard it is to find all the connecting pieces between an iPhone

[24:41] [Ed] and recording equipment.
It’s ridiculous.
I’ve sent so many things back to Amazon because it just didn’t work the way it was supposed to.
Yeah.
Nothing but fun.

[24:51] [Unknown] Got a lot of technology.

[24:53] [Phoebe] Lastly, please remember to purchase your photos.
There are photographers everywhere in the evening when you’ve got your theme night outfits on.
Go up to them, get your photo taken, and then go to the kiosk before you get off the boat and purchase the photos.
They’re amazing.
They’re beautiful.
They’re always, they look great.

[25:15] [Unknown] And I would say keep taking the opportunity to have your photo taken because if you get 200 photos taken,

[25:22] [Phoebe] and you will, it’s easy to get 200 photos, you can come out with 10 really great photos.
Right.

[25:30] [Ed] And you get to pick and choose which ones you actually buy.
Sure.
But they’ll take as many as you want.
Sort of.
Yeah.
There’s a line so they don’t want you to go crazy.

[25:40] [Phoebe] We usually just end up buying the whole CD because they’re always mostly really good.

[25:45] [Ed] Really good.
I think the last time we threw a couple out, but they were really good.

[25:50] [Phoebe] There was like 40 or almost 50 photos at 40.
40 photos that were really, really good.

[25:56] [Ed] Yeah.
And if you’re, if you’re like us where you put the outfit on, you get all dressed up, you go to the event and you come home and you’re settling down,
you strip down back to your pajamas and you go, oh shit, we forgot to take photos.

[26:09] [Phoebe] It always happens to us when we’re around.

[26:11] [Ed] Yeah, we’re the worst.
The worst.
Yeah.
When it comes to taking photos, which is ironic because now it’s the podcast during the video stuff, we’re having to video chronicle more of our stuff.
So we’re going to, we’re going to fake it till we make it.

[26:28] [Phoebe] Yep.
Yep.
We’ll get there.

[26:31] [Unknown] We’ll catch up with y’all near social media is this.

[26:36] [Phoebe] Well, that’s the run up for this week’s cruise upcoming cruise this next week.
Well, actually, it’s Friday.

[26:42] [Ed] It’s this Friday.
So if you’re listening to this episode, you will be listening to it and we will be getting on to a plane
at night or you’ll be listening to it while we’re on the plane.
Yes, yes.
Same day release.

[26:56] [Unknown] So it’s just going to be back to back to back to back.

[26:59] [Phoebe] So we’re really excited about it and trying to stuff everything into one suitcase.
So once again, check out our daily recaps from the ship.
Now with video two.

[27:12] [Unknown] Oh, one last thing before you go.

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