Manscaped for Swinging

[00:00] [Phoebe] If you have a mouth that can accommodate an entire cock or a throat that can accommodate
an entire cock.

[00:06] [Ed] Oh God, please send us a message, because…

[00:08] [Phoebe] It’s nice to not have your nose completely buried in five inches of fur.

[00:16] [Guest] Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program.
Lessons that make you hot for a teacher all over again.
Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe.
Hi, this is Ed.

[00:39] [Phoebe] And this is Phoebe.

[00:41] [Ed] Today we’re talking about man-scaping.
There really is nothing like a shorned scrotum.
It’s breathtaking.

[00:50] [Unknown] I suggest you try it.

[00:53] [Ed] In addition to shaving my balls, I have a regimen where I adhere to before all our play dates.

[01:02] [Phoebe] But before we get into the episode, we’re going to thank one of our newest Patreon members.

[01:09] [Unknown] I can’t wait you.

[01:12] [Ed] Thank you very much for your sponsorship and the entertaining screen name.

[01:18] [Phoebe] I know, I love it.
I like to say it.
I can’t wait you.
I can’t wait you.

[01:23] [Unknown] Oh my God.
It’s perfect.

[01:28] [Ed] Man-scaping.
Why?
Why man-scape?
Why go through that?
Well, first off, gentlemen, ladies appreciate it.

[01:43] [Unknown] It’s nice to look at.

[01:47] [Ed] And more importantly, there are some safety risks here because if your balls are really hairy,

[01:53] [Unknown] there’s a good chance you might choke on hair.

[01:58] [Ed] So, trimming or reducing the coverage down there goes a long way to making oral sex on
you more pleasant so you might actually get more blow jobs.
That’s true.

[02:12] [Unknown] I do love to suck balls.

[02:15] [Phoebe] It makes you a little nervous so I always go slow, but I love the feeling in my mouth.
It’s fun to just pop one in and roll it around and lick and suck.
I do it more if you weren’t so nervous about it, but you get so nervous.
I’m very, very gentle, but I could tell you.

[02:37] [Ed] Clearly, I just need more practice.
I’m just going to do it more.

[02:40] [Phoebe] I just need to do it more.
Yeah, that’s it.

[02:42] [Ed] Screw you.
I’m just going to do it.
And there’s another really key aspect to this that I want to bring up and one of the
steps in my routine is trimming my fingernails.

[02:55] [Guest] Oh, yeah.

[02:56] [Ed] And this is actually really, really important if you like fingering women.

[03:03] [Phoebe] Any kind of finger player, honestly, you want scratchy nails.

[03:09] [Ed] You know, a little bit of nail for the texture to give some sensation and some tingly kind
of…
Right.
…but if you’re full on finger banging action, like you’re just blasting or with your
fingers, as they like to say, or doing your squirt technique, right?
Having trim nails can actually make the difference between ending a play session, like abruptly,
violently, or being able to go all night.

[03:39] [Guest] Yes.

[03:40] [Ed] I am speaking from experience.
Me too.
This shit has gone sideways before.
Yes.
We’ll get into that.

[03:47] [Guest] Oh, we’re going to get into that.

[03:48] [Ed] Okay.
I will discuss that a little bit more.
Okay.
The other aspect of man-scaping is it makes your cock look good.

[04:01] [Unknown] Oh, bigger.

[04:04] [Ed] It actually can visually add to the length of your penis.
So gentlemen, if you want to add a little bit of length to your penis, having your…
Basically, your pubic hair trimmed back, you can see more of the cock.
It’s not hiding in the shrubs, right?
You’re not losing the base of it in the shrubbery.
Right.
It’s all exposed.
So, all of those get a bigger cock because you take the horny goat weed or whatever, that
doesn’t work.
But trimming your pubic hair will actually visually make it look bigger.

[04:43] [Phoebe] Yes.
And if you are able, if you have a mouth that can accommodate an entire cock or a throat
that can accommodate an entire cock.

[04:52] [Ed] Oh, God.
Please send us a message.

[04:54] [Unknown] Because…

[04:55] [Phoebe] It’s nice to not have your nose completely buried in five inches of fur.
Just maybe quarter inch or half inch, you’ll go into just what length is nice.
But whatever you do, I like it because I can still breathe when I’m down there.
Right.
Actually, if I can get down there, but I usually can’t.

[05:19] [Ed] Less tickling of the nose, if you will.

[05:21] [Unknown] Yes.

[05:22] [Ed] Just like a haircut and not looking like a slob, it looks like you took the time to prepare
for the date.
Ah, yes.
You made the effort, if you will.

[05:34] [Unknown] I like that.
And here’s the other thing.
Trimming your hair up, it actually draws attention down to that because you can see more

[05:47] [Ed] of what’s going on down there.
So it’s less hidden, or her eyes will get drawn down to your penis, which of course
is like a fishing tackle.
You’re just dangling it out there, luring the fish in.

[06:03] [Phoebe] I see.
I see.
Come get some.

[06:06] [Unknown] And here’s the other thing.
All of the grooming and the effort that you put up front helps with first impressions.
So if you look sloppy, you’re not helping yourself.

[06:22] [Ed] So you better have a really good personality if you’re not well groomed because you’re
starting off on a bad foot.
Yeah.
But if you’re well groomed, you know, you might be able to make a couple of social full
paws and she’ll be like, yeah, you know, he said some weird stuff, but you know what?
He looked and smelled really good.

[06:45] [Phoebe] Uh-huh.
That’s true.

[06:51] [Ed] Let’s go into my routine.
This is what I do.
Most of these steps, almost all of them on a pretty regular basis when I go out on play
dates.
First and foremost, start with the face, right?
They’re going to look in your eyes.

[07:05] [Unknown] They’re going to look at your face.
Shave your face.

[07:09] [Ed] Now I’ve tried electric razors, a whole bunch of different ones, the foil ones, the rotary
ones don’t like the rotary, foil was better for me.

[07:20] [Guest] So like your brawn shaver that has a foil shaver, really close shave works really well.

[07:27] [Unknown] But you know what?

[07:28] [Ed] There’s nothing quite like a regular safety razor and shaving cream.
You just, it’s quick, it’s easy.
You don’t have to like clean it or maintain it, it’s cheap in comparison to an electric
razor and kind of that up front cost.
Right.
And you get a really good shave from them.
Now I will say, I don’t go for the whole 5, 1250 blade razors that they’re trying to
sell us on.
Right.
I love a three blade at razor.
I’ve tried safety razors with like the old school straight razor kind of thing.
Not like, not like barbershop quartet kind of straight blade razor have thought about
that.
I know.

[08:19] [Unknown] You haven’t tried it yet.

[08:20] [Ed] But just, you know, your good old fashioned mid 90s three bladed razor before they get
fancy and decided to like upcharge everybody.

[08:30] [Guest] Yeah.
And so why is that?

[08:33] [Ed] Well, one, the blades are a little bit further apart, which means it doesn’t clog as much.
Oh.
So as you’re shaving, it’s much easier to rinse it out.
Those five blades, they pack those suckers in there and it’s almost impossible to keep
it clean, which makes the shave rougher and will dull the blades faster.
Because actually re chopping the hair if it’s stuck in there.

[08:59] [Guest] Oh, ew.

[09:00] [Ed] Yeah.
It’s kind of gross.
Interesting.
So a three blade razor will not only be cheaper, but it’ll also be easier to clean out.

[09:08] [Guest] Mm-hmm.

[09:09] [Ed] That’s my thing.
Number one rule, never use disposable razors.

[09:16] [Phoebe] No.
I’ve also had that experience on my legs and on my hoo ha and it is not recommended.

[09:26] [Ed] I mean, don’t shave if you only have a disposable razor.
Really go for the five o’clock shadow because the sliced, crotted artery is not nearly
as, yeah, it’s bad.

[09:45] [Unknown] Don’t do it.

[09:48] [Ed] First rule of shaving, there’s some really good like YouTube videos on how to get it,
like a really good shave with like the heated wrap and all that kind of stuff.
For me, the big trick is using shaving cream of some sort, and I use the standard foamy
stuff.
I don’t even use the nice gel.

[10:08] [Phoebe] I bought you some fancy stuff and you’re like me.

[10:12] [Ed] Well, it was too, it was very moisturizing and it was too thick and it clogged the blades.

[10:18] [Phoebe] Oh.
I wonder if it would work with the blades now.

[10:22] [Unknown] All right.

[10:28] [Ed] We need your help so that your community, the very one you love and have so much fun
with can also find our show.
Here’s a really easy way to do that.
If you’re listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify, hit that follow button and leave us

[10:44] [Unknown] a rating.

[10:45] [Ed] If you’re watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn on notifications.
We can’t emphasize enough how much this helps the swing our community and it truly is
up to you to make that happen.
It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can even find us.
And here’s the thing.
When someone searches Swinger podcast, the algorithm doesn’t care how good our content
is or how long we’ve been around.
It only cares about ratings and reviews.
We’d appreciate it and your community will really appreciate it.

[11:22] [Unknown] Thanks for listening.

[11:28] [Ed] Probably not because I always use the three blades.
So that really nice shaving cream that you got me was super good for my skin.
Not so much fun for shaving.
Like I could not get to rinse out properly because it has so many like lubricants and oils
in it.
Right.
So it just didn’t break down on the water.
So good soapy like the Gillette brand, the, you know, whatever the cheapest stuff.
I can’t remember what the brand name is.
It’s a bit barbass all, you know, the sugar can kind of shaving cream.
Nice and foamy.
Nice and foamy.
Last forever.
You don’t need a whole bunch.
Just enough to get a good, you know, quarter inch layer on your face, good to go.
And rinse the blade often.
So one stroke across the face, rinse it out.
And that way you don’t have to bang the razor out and knock the hair out.

[12:28] [Phoebe] I remember when we first started swinging.
You went through a whole bunch of research about shaving your face because you were going
to be giving a lot of oral.
And so you really wanted to make sure you had the cleanest shave and you didn’t want
to ruin that opportunity, which is really important because sometimes your opportunity window
is really small.
Right.
And you have to be prepared.

[12:55] [Ed] Well, and like I said, first impressions, right?
If you go down on her and she was like, yeah, it was, it was actually pretty good oral,
except for the fact that he abraded my clit right off of my body and I don’t ever want
him going down there again, exactly.
So nice, cleanly shaven face is good or if you’re patient enough, letting it grow out long

[13:20] [Guest] enough so that it’s a little softer, yes, you can do it, but you’re going to have to experiment

[13:26] [Unknown] with your significant other to get the length right, which we’ve done, which we have done.

[13:34] [Ed] There are pros and cons to having a clean shaven face versus that nice kind of organic mountain

[13:42] [Phoebe] man look.
Well, yes.
And I had sex with a mountain man and he had a very nice beard and go to full facial hair
and it was so soft.
And I asked him what he used and it was this, it was basically a beard oil or conditioner
that softened the hair.
It was fabulous.

[14:05] [Ed] And if you’ve got the patience for it, definitely go to it, even the mountain man, I’m going
to suggest that you trim around the lips because kissing a mouthful of fur is still not great.
True.
You know, you got to keep the hairs off the lips, which kind of brings me to the next
tool, which I’m going to talk about with trimming the eyebrows because we went from the jaw
line.

[14:32] [Phoebe] We’re going to go up above your eyes now, my eyebrows, okay, eyebrows, yeah, I trim my eyebrows.

[14:40] [Ed] As I’ve gotten older, I get some stray, crazy hairs that get super crazy long.

[14:45] [Phoebe] I do too, honestly, it’s annoying.

[14:48] [Ed] They’re freaky and weird.

[14:50] [Phoebe] They are.
They’re like really thick and they don’t bend.

[14:55] [Ed] No.

[14:56] [Phoebe] They don’t ring.
And I’m like, what the hell is that?

[14:59] [Unknown] Right.

[15:00] [Ed] So I’ve had a couple different electric trimmers for, you know, basically touching up hair
on my face, you know, trimming my chest hair, things like that.
And they have an attachment with this particular model and I’ll have a link in it, link in
the show notes for this one.
That’s the Narelco Multigroom and there’s a particular model.
Multipass.
I did a lot of research on electric trimmers.
You did.
I have a standard wall trimmer that I use for trimming my hair.
W-A-H-L.
W-H-W-A-H-L, great trimmer, great for haircuts.
For body trimming, I actually went with the Narelco Multigroom.
There were a couple others.
There’s some really popular ones.
I won’t mention their name.
I looked at them, they actually have manscaping in the name, but anyway.
And kind of mixed reviews on it.
They were fairly expensive.
They had a nice gold-plated blade.

[16:02] [Unknown] People were super, you know, jazzed.

[16:06] [Ed] They put a lot of money into advertising.

[16:08] [Guest] I’ll put it that way.

[16:10] [Ed] And what I’m an Amazon guy and I look at the reviews and I want to see like 70 or
more five star ratings before I buy a product and this particular one hit that mark.
It’s got a bunch of different attachments, brushes for the blades so you can get different
lengths and for different parts of your body.

[16:33] [Unknown] So they’ve got a specific trimmer attachment for your eyebrows.

[16:40] [Ed] You could trim your hair with it if you really needed to.
They have a wide blade.

[16:44] [Phoebe] Like head hair or body hair?

[16:45] [Ed] Yeah, head hair.
They have combs for body hair and they’re all marked.
Now the markings aren’t great and I had to, you know, use a little bit of a like white paint
into the molded in lettering so that I could actually see it.
Eyes aren’t great.

[17:03] [Phoebe] So we’re talking chest hair, back hair, chest hair, back hair, leg hair, eyebrow hair, whatever.

[17:10] [Ed] Even pubic hair, like trimming around.
I would not recommend it for trimming your balls and I’ll get into that, okay?
But any hair that’s kind of of reasonable length, even trimming up your beard, they’ve
got some good lengths for trimming that nose hair and ear hair also.
Oh my.
So that’s the Norelco multi-croom which I recommend.
The other thing that I do with my eyebrows and this may be shocking, that’s okay, I do

[17:43] [Unknown] pluck.

[17:45] [Ed] Yeah.
So I know you do.
I’m not shaping my eyebrows, I’m not trying to make it a dramatic, you know, online.

[17:54] [Guest] Done.
Done.

[17:56] [Unknown] Done.

[17:57] [Ed] I don’t want the random hairs like in the middle where the bridge of my nose is.

[18:00] [Phoebe] Like a little unicorn horn?

[18:01] [Ed] Yeah.

[18:02] [Phoebe] I’m not doing that.

[18:03] [Ed] Good, thank you.
Anything that’s kind of like below the main eyebrow, like down into your eyelids area or
above into your forehead, I pluck those fuckers out, I don’t go for that.

[18:18] [Guest] Like why is this hair in the middle of my forehead?
Oh, that’s a straight eyebrow.

[18:22] [Ed] It’s the equivalent of having like a little patch of grass growing in the middle of your
driveway.
Oh my god.
Like you mow the lawn and you’re like doing over there.
Yeah.
Don’t want it.
Get out.
Thank you.
Get a nice set of tweezers.
They’re not that expensive, get a nice set of tweezers, they work really well to pluck
out.
All right.
Are your wives tweezers well get your own because your wife’s going to hide them in
different places.
That’s true.
Your organizes are a little covered thing and then you can’t.

[18:55] [Phoebe] Yeah.
And we’re particular and picky about our our grooming tools.
Okay.

[19:01] [Ed] 10% gentlemen get your own because if you forget to return it, you’ll also get in trouble.
Yes.

[19:07] [Unknown] Okay.

[19:09] [Ed] So trim the eyebrows, pluck the eyebrows, let’s move on to the ears.
Wait.

[19:15] [Phoebe] Yeah.
Ears.

[19:17] [Ed] When you get them below.
Fuzzy little ears.
Okay.
I will get to the cock.
Just wait.
Oh my gosh.

[19:23] [Phoebe] Just wait.
Such a tease.

[19:25] [Ed] I will eventually whip it out for you.

[19:28] [Unknown] Oh, please.

[19:30] [Ed] The other thing that you’ll want to trim is your nose hairs.
Uh-huh.
There’s nothing like going in for that nice romantic kid having some strays just going.

[19:40] [Unknown] Oh.

[19:41] [Ed] Don’t do it.
And that naralco trimmer has a nose trimmer too and so far it hasn’t pinched or done
anything weird, painful.
That’s cool.
You can pluck.
It is extraordinarily painful to pluck nose hairs if you’re watering.

[19:57] [Phoebe] I’m watering.
Yeah.

[19:59] [Unknown] We’ve all done it.

[20:00] [Ed] What they’re trimming that I’ll do too is right around the hairline.
So you go in for your haircut periodically and a lot of places, especially barber shops,
you can go in and get, you know, your neckline trimmed up, but you got to drive to the barber
shop.
So with a trimmer, like the naralco trimmer, you can actually trim around your ear.
So your hair starts to get a little long and it kind of hangs over your ears a little
bit.

[20:24] [Unknown] Just trim that up.

[20:25] [Ed] Just go right around the ear and then in between haircuts.
In between haircuts.

[20:30] [Unknown] Nice.

[20:31] [Ed] Okay.
Here we go.
Trimming your fingernails and your toenails.
There’s nothing like looking at the crazy weird things.

[20:38] [Phoebe] Oh my God.
Please, the toenails.

[20:40] [Ed] This is our toenails and the fingernails.
And the fingernails.
Yes.
Like no woman is going to want you to stick those things anywhere near her.
No.

[20:49] [Unknown] And if she looks down at your feet, she goes, oh, holy crap.
What is that?
Yeah.

[20:55] [Ed] Not a good first impression.
You’re like, no.
You’re all bowed, chicken.
Wow, wow.
Clothes off and then you’re shoes.

[21:01] [Phoebe] But usually I just stick the cock in my face and just get busy and close my eyes and
that forget that I even.
Super 10 like it.
They’re not there.
Yes.
Don’t look down.

[21:10] [Ed] Don’t look down.
Don’t look down.

[21:12] [Unknown] Not a good.
Not a good look, gentlemen.

[21:14] [Ed] The other part about trimming your nails is get yourself a nice nail file.
And what you can do is you can actually feel how sharp your nails are by just kind of,
you know, scratching your skin or even scratching your nail across like your thumb skin.
You can feel how sharp it is when you first trim your nails, they’re sharp.
Like there’s a, there’s a squared edge to them.
Yep.
So if you use a finger, fingernail file, you can actually soften that edge up a little
bit and ladies will appreciate that.

[21:54] [Phoebe] They also have a, what we have is a sponge.
It’s a, it’s a square rectangular sponge with, you know, filing stuff all around it.

[22:06] [Ed] It’s exactly like the sponges that you use for woodworking, but for nails, it’s an
objective sponge.

[22:13] [Phoebe] And we do that and we just, you know, curb off that edge and it’s really nice.
File works really good.
Class file.
I love the class files.
If you don’t have one, a good glass file.
Some of them are kind of cheap and they’re, they’re, they’re weird and they get useless
after a little while.

[22:32] [Unknown] But if you can find a good one, they’re really nice at last forever.

[22:42] [Guest] Here’s why we sail on Virgin.
It’s adults only.
No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon, late night
pool parties and people who actually want to be there.

[22:59] [Unknown] The vibe?

[23:01] [Guest] Think boutique hotel that happens to float.
Tattoo parlors, drag brunch, restaurants you’d actually pay for on land.
Plus when you’re looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun, let’s
just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous.

[23:20] [Unknown] No wonder bread cruisers here, just your people.

[23:27] [Ed] I bought my own, just like I have my own tweezers, so I don’t have to, like, beg to borrow
Phoebe’s.
I have my own damn file.
The technique that I’ve used to for my nails is to not go crossways, but to go up and
down.
Yes.
And you kind of round the edge instead of filing it straight across.
Getting the burr off.
Getting the burr off.
Getting the burr off.

[23:52] [Phoebe] Getting the burr off.
It’s like the burr on a knife when you’re sharpening knives.
Kind of.
Yeah.

[23:58] [Ed] Sort of.
We’ll go with that.

[24:00] [Phoebe] Okay.

[24:01] [Unknown] Good.
And like I said, once again, I can’t be clear enough with this filing your nails, getting

[24:11] [Ed] them nice and smooth, is a safety precaution for the ladies.

[24:17] [Unknown] Are we going to get to the part that, that, how I damaged you for the play night?

[24:21] [Phoebe] Yes.

[24:22] [Ed] Okay.
So we were getting a little frisky before a play date.
That’s a little.
It was actually a hotel takeover, getting very frisky.
And I was fingering Phoebe.
And somehow I pulled out a little too far and when I pushed back in, I know what it was.
I think your hips shifted a little bit.

[24:48] [Phoebe] I shifted my hips.
I moved my hips, yeah, because I was getting excited.

[24:53] [Ed] It was a mid-air collision.

[24:54] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[24:55] [Ed] It was bad.

[24:57] [Unknown] But I ended up basically scratching her inner labia, right below her clit.

[25:06] [Guest] Yeah.

[25:07] [Ed] There was blood, not a lot, but there was blood and it was stingy and bad.

[25:12] [Phoebe] Yeah.
And you could, yeah, it was red.
You could see this scratch.
It was, it was bad.

[25:17] [Ed] So we, we almost, almost missed out on that event because of bad nail grooming.
Yeah.
So don’t do it.
Don’t do it.
You got to be prepared for the game.
Yeah.
You got to train for this stuff.

[25:34] [Phoebe] Yes.
I will also say when your nails are a little sharp, you know, because, you know, we’re
not, you’re not grooming your nails every single day and we’re, we’re having sex, you
know, spontaneously.
And so sometimes when you’re fingering me that, that I think it’s the ring finger because

[25:51] [Ed] you put the pinky finger.
Oh, the pinky finger.
I know which one you’re talking about.
The anchor finger, the kind of scratches on the inside of the thigh or down, yeah, inside

[26:00] [Phoebe] a thigh or by that little greasy part, the crease, the vagina and the leg and the leg
and the butt.
Yeah.

[26:07] [Ed] Gentlemen, you know what I’m talking about.
It’s that bowling, the bowling, yes, finger position.
That pinky finger, that pinky nail, sometimes scratch, it gets sharp and it’s very distracting

[26:23] [Phoebe] and it will throw me off.

[26:26] [Ed] It will.
It’s bad.

[26:28] [Phoebe] Don’t do it.

[26:29] [Ed] Yes.
So trimming regularly helps a lot.
But specifically if you’re going to go on a play date, you’re damn well better trim your

[26:36] [Guest] shape.

[26:37] [Unknown] Yes.

[26:39] [Ed] I also sand my feet.
So this is all before I’ve gotten in the shower.
So I’m doing a little trimming and shaving and plucking and all that kind of stuff, sanding
my feet.
So they’re nice and soft.
So if I’m rubbing on a nice lady and I’m cuddling with her.
Nice scratchy oak, oak callus feet, don’t scratch her.

[27:02] [Phoebe] Right.
I do the same thing, but yes, I appreciate that.
Thank you.

[27:10] [Ed] All right.
We’re trimmed.
We’re plucked.
We’re sanded.

[27:14] [Phoebe] Do we get down below yet?

[27:15] [Unknown] Buffed.
We’re getting there.

[27:17] [Ed] We’re really close.
Oh.
This is all the four play before we get to the bicycles.
Oh, God.
Flip the shower on.
Get the water going.
Oh, my Lord.
Now, and this part I’m going to gloss over because this is pretty standard operating procedure
for taking a shower.
I’m assuming that everybody who’s listening takes showers.
So the slight extra with this is exfoliating.
So you’re getting hot.
You’re getting sweaty.
She’s scratching on you.
You don’t want dead skin coming off under her.
Oh, my God.
So much of this is.
You do what?
Oh, like flake flake.
What the fuck is under my nails?

[28:02] [Unknown] Oh, hair.
Although it’s never.

[28:04] [Phoebe] Yeah, I won’t go there.
Sorry.
So not sexy.
We have a.
Uh-huh.
One of those like nylon scrubbies.
It’s not a big deal.

[28:12] [Ed] But it’s kind of a scrubbie.
Don’t spark pretty good.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.

[28:20] [Unknown] It’s okay.

[28:21] [Ed] It’s okay.
It’s kind of a scrubbie.

[28:23] [Phoebe] It’s okay.

[28:24] [Ed] Don’t spark pretty good.

[28:25] [Unknown] It’s okay.
But the grade A number one.

[28:30] [Ed] Uh-huh.
Awesome exfoliator.
Yep, yep.
You’ll go through them quickly, though, because they.

[28:35] [Unknown] The seams.

[28:36] [Ed] The seams.
If you’ve got a better one, let us know.
But the one that we’ve been using is one called Durma Suri.
And there’s a link to it.
It’s really cool.
Like, it’s got a nice light.
It’s shark skinny kind of texture to it.
Yeah.
It’s toothy.

[28:57] [Unknown] But it doesn’t hurt.

[28:59] [Ed] But it doesn’t hurt.
It’s not scratchy.
But it does.

[29:02] [Unknown] It will like totally exfoliate.

[29:04] [Phoebe] Oh, yeah.
And so the trick with this, I got this.
And I turned Ed onto it.
The trick with it is that you want moist skin.
You just don’t want your skin really wet.
So what I do is I get in in the shower.
I get my skin moist.
And then I’ll stand outside the shower.
Do other things while my skin.

[29:22] [Ed] The spray.
Correct.

[29:24] [Phoebe] Or if I look down and I see a lot of water droplets on my arm,
or something, I’m going to exfoliate there.
I just like brush off my arm, right?
Get the excess off, right?
And then I go over my skin with that mitt.
Oh my god.
It’s really disgusting.
You can see the skin literally rolling up off the mitt.
Not everywhere on your body, but certain parts.
Yeah.

[29:47] [Ed] Usually my torso.
Shoulders, you know, the backs of the arms, those areas
that you don’t really spend a lot of time scrubbing.
Most people get in the shower.
You like clean your armpits.
You clean your junk.
And I’m out.

[30:01] [Phoebe] I’m a quick shower.
Because I take a couple of showers a day,
depending on what activities we’re doing.
Right.
So yes, this mitt will make your skin buttery soft.
If you’re a lady and you have no hair,
you are super soft.
And then if you put cream on after that,
oh my goodness.
You are just…

[30:20] [Ed] You are like the best dessert ever.
Rub the lotion.
Yes.

[30:27] [Phoebe] In a sexy way.

[30:28] [Ed] In a sexy way.
Yeah, not in that disturbing, surreal, killer way.
Right.
It rubs the lotion.
And I’ll let you in.
A friend of mine gave me some really cool soap.
He found it.
I like it.
Yeah.
Beebe really likes it.
It smells really good.
It does.
It’s a company called Man Made Wash.
And I put a link to it.
I have to refill because I have like a little tub.
Uh-oh.
A little jar of it.
The sample was great.
Like I use it for special occasions.
Because it’s not just getting clean.
It’s like getting clean and smelling good afterwards.

[31:07] [Unknown] Okay.

[31:08] [Ed] So this is going to sound weird.
It is.
But it’s where it smells really good.

[31:12] [Phoebe] It does.

[31:13] [Ed] Sweet tobacco.

[31:15] [Phoebe] Yes.

[31:16] [Ed] And I just discovered on Amazon that they have like a spiced vanilla.
And there’s a, there’s a mahogany flavored one.
They’re kind of manly.
Yeah.
Musky.
But like earthy smells to them.
And tobacco.
At least this particular one.
It’s kind of sweet and pungent.
But not in a stinky cigar sense of it.
Right.
Sweet.
But, but rich smell to it.

[31:48] [Phoebe] Exactly.
That’s a very good way to describe that.

[31:50] [Ed] You don’t smell like flowers, guys.
No.
You smell.
You smell manly.

[31:55] [Unknown] Yeah.

[31:56] [Phoebe] Without stinking.
They did a really good job with that scent.
It’s my press.

[32:01] [Ed] It’s a great soap.
It’s super good.
Mm-hmm.

[32:04] [Unknown] I like the smell of it.

[32:06] [Phoebe] Oh good.
I’m glad.

[32:08] [Unknown] Because I love it.

[32:09] [Ed] Standard shampoo and conditioner.
Clean your hair.
The technique from what I’ve heard from hairdressers.
And from people is, you know, just like a dime-sized dollop of shampoo.
Finger tips.
And you shampoo it into the base of your hair.
Yeah.
Not like all over the place.
Right.

[32:29] [Unknown] You’re basically cleaning the scalp and the root of the hair.

[32:32] [Ed] And then you kind of work your way out.
I have short hair.
I just stick it on the top.
Yeah.

[32:40] [Phoebe] Because.
I write.
What is that technique?
Because I have colored hair.
And my hair is really long.
So I definitely do just clean at the root.

[32:49] [Ed] So gentlemen, if you’ve got Fabio hair.
And you’ve got the long luscious roots.
Clean at the root.
Start at the roots.
Work your way out.
Your hair will actually benefit from not being scrubbed and dried out.

[33:02] [Phoebe] Mm-hmm.
It’ll get clean when you rinse out the rest of the shampoo.

[33:06] [Ed] Yeah.
Right.
Well, and the reason your hair isn’t clean is because of the oils from your scalp.
Not because of the hair itself.

[33:14] [Unknown] Mm-hmm.

[33:15] [Phoebe] Wait.

[33:16] [Ed] What?
Yeah.
So your scalp emits oils.

[33:20] [Guest] Yeah.

[33:21] [Ed] That gets into the base of your hair, into the roots of your hair.
Right.
Not typically onto the ends.
True.
So.
But.
The oily part of your hair is usually the roots.

[33:32] [Phoebe] Yes.

[33:33] [Ed] And that’s what the shampoo is for.

[33:35] [Phoebe] Right.
It does get out like, you know, environmental stuff.
You know, in pollens and whatnot.
But usually the stuff that just washes off the scalp cleaning as you’re rinsing.

[33:50] [Ed] It helps.
Yeah.

[33:52] [Phoebe] It’s so funny we’re talking about all of this.

[33:54] [Ed] I know.
It’s, well, you know, it’s important stuff.

[33:56] [Phoebe] It’s a swing or a pie gas.
We’re talking about shampoo.

[33:58] [Ed] Gentlemen.
If you work in a hazardous environment, you work in.
Oh, construction.
Or you spray.
Or you work in a place that’s like highly antiseptic.
Like you’re a nurse or a doctor or a restaurant.
You, yes, you may be your chef or your weight staff or whatever.
You have to share everything.
Rinsing your hair all the way out, cleaning your hair all the way out is more important.
If you got a silly desk job like I do.
Right.
You sit in front of a computer all day.
Probably not.
I don’t get that dirty.

[34:32] [Phoebe] But I will do it if I’ve been in the yard a lot.
And that in the, you know, we’re pollen and stuff, right?
So if you’ve got a lot of allergies, they always suggest that you shower before you go to bed.
So you don’t sleep.
It does in that pollen stuff.
It doesn’t get on your pillow, et cetera, et cetera.

[34:51] [Ed] Guess what I’m going to talk about now.

[34:53] [Phoebe] Oh, my God.
Are we finally finally to the balls part?

[34:58] [Ed] Yep.
I’m going to talk about balls.
Oh, God.
Thank goodness.
All right.

[35:03] [Unknown] We got an email from a listener who talked about rushing for his date, doing his man skating.

[35:10] [Ed] Oh, my gosh.
He was trimming with a razor.
And I guess he cut his scrotum.

[35:15] [Guest] Oh, yeah.

[35:16] [Ed] I have a story too.

[35:20] [Guest] I have a story too.

[35:21] [Ed] I have never cut the scrotum.

[35:24] [Phoebe] I have a story.

[35:25] [Ed] Do you have a story too?

[35:26] [Phoebe] I do.
But go ahead, continue.

[35:29] [Ed] Let’s get through this story.
And then we can do the other story.
Okay, cool.
He had a play date that night.
Put a band-aid on it.
Literally, he put a band-aid on it.
Right.
Like, yes.
Don’t know how that worked.
I’m curious as to what size band-aid.
And that fit the crinkly, crunchy, flexible skin.
How did it even stick there?
Clearly, you trimmed really well.
Or maybe it just stuck to the leftover hairs after you.

[35:58] [Phoebe] Oh, my God.

[35:59] [Ed] After you almost dismembered yourself.

[36:01] [Phoebe] Oh, my gosh.
I don’t know.

[36:03] [Ed] I don’t know.
But full disclosure to the play partners.
And everyone laughed.
They still had a great play tonight.

[36:09] [Phoebe] They did.
They did.
But.

[36:12] [Ed] Kudos to them.
Extra careful around the wounded testicle.
Of course.
I think there was a battle in World War II wounded testicle.
Maybe it wasn’t.
Oh, my God.

[36:23] [Unknown] Maybe it was earlier.

[36:27] [Phoebe] So is it time for my story now?

[36:29] [Ed] You can do your story.
And then I’m going to get into the disclaimer.

[36:32] [Phoebe] So my story, of course, I don’t have testicles.
Surprise, surprise.
But I was buried before.
And my husband loved to go commando.
Just like you do, right?
I’m so lucky to be buried to large men with no panties.
And so we, he was getting dressed for the day.
Oh, God.

[36:59] [Unknown] He wore jeans.

[37:02] [Phoebe] And he zipped.
Oh, my God.
It’s so hard to say.
He zipped his scrotum into the zipper of his jeans.
He was in so much pain.
He called out for me.
I came into the bedroom and I was freaked out because what the fuck?
I am not going to be in charge of that zipper because holy crap.
So it literally had gotten pulled up into the zipper.
Just like fabric does.

[37:31] [Ed] This has to happen so often because it was actually in the something about Mary,
the movie with Ben Siller.

[37:40] [Phoebe] And it wasn’t.

[37:41] [Unknown] I don’t remember that part.

[37:42] [Ed] Yeah.
He likes zipped his scrotum up.
They, of course, like greatly exaggerated because somehow he got the zipper over the scrotum
and passed the scrotum, which is not freaking possible.
Yeah.
But kudos to the special effects guys for making every single man watching the film just
roll into the fetal position on the floor of every theater and living room across America
and just say, oh, fuck no.
What?
No.
Why did you show that?

[38:14] [Unknown] We have to watch that movie.
It’s a good movie.

[38:18] [Phoebe] So anyway, yes.
I tried to help.
I tried to assist.
I felt really nervous.
I was really freaked out.
Eventually, he had to pull the zipper down.
Break the beans.
Yeah.
He was in a lot of pain.
It was not a pleasant experience and it was very pain.

[38:36] [Ed] I have not.
You have not.
I am knocking on wood.
Never.
Never done that.
I know.
Well, probably because I’ve almost pinched it, but I was not dumb enough to keep pulling.
Like, I backed off.
The first nibble.
The first nibble.
Like, if you dangle your tackle in the water and the fish start biting, pull it out.
All right.
There actually is a serious disclaimer.
So when I looked up, like, testicle-saving, man-scaping, a reddit post came up and a guy actually
was like, this is serious.
This is really serious.
But bad shit can happen.
And I was like, oh, okay.
Oh, according to this reddit poster, that any infection on the scrotum needs to be treated
as a medical emergency to avoid.
Dun, dun, dun.
And there’s a link to this if you really want to read something horrible.
Because I didn’t even look at it.
Because I’m not going there.
You didn’t look.
I can’t.
No, I’m not going to look at this.
I’m going to look at it.
It’s called forniase gangrene.

[39:48] [Guest] What the fuck is that?

[39:50] [Unknown] Well, as soon as they said gangrene, I was like, no, pussy testicles.

[39:55] [Ed] I’m not going.
I’m not clicking on it.
I’m not going to look at it.
I see it.
It’s gross.
Okay, so check this out, guys.
This is a rapidly spreading condition with a 40% mortality rate.
What?
With treatment.
Oh, my God.
So anytime you have any problem with your balls, go to the doctor immediately.
All right.
So I put that out there.
I read it.
I had to pass this on.
Holy fuck.
If you’ve trimmed your junk to the point where you’ve infected it, probably go see a doctor.

[40:33] [Unknown] If you’ve just got a scratch, I don’t think it’s going to get gangreness.

[40:38] [Ed] But you know what?
Soap, water, clean.
If you’ve cut yourself.
And clearly, you haven’t been keeping your razor clean.
If you’re getting gangrene.
Like, if it’s infected, if it starts getting red at all or infected at all.
Oh, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Go see a doctor.
Because there’s nothing like losing your balls or your penis to an infection.
I put the link in here.
Click at your own risk.

[41:08] [Phoebe] Okay, so I will say, because I’ve looked this up now, that Ed started talking about it,
because I had to look.

[41:14] [Unknown] Don’t look.

[41:16] [Phoebe] I went to Wiki.
And there was a really gross photo there.
About one in 62,500 males are affected per year.
So it’s not a lot.
But it’s, you know, it can, this type of gangrene can happen to anyone more so males.
But it also happens to people that have blood sugar level issues.
So if you’re like an alcoholic or a diabetic or malnourished,
you’re going to have some, some issues.
So, you know, also, if you’re not very clean and hygienic,
it’s going to cause a lot of issues.
But, but still don’t mess around.

[42:01] [Ed] Yes, yes.

[42:02] [Phoebe] So which gets me back to the electric trimmer.

[42:07] [Unknown] So, I’m 100% love my Narelco trimmer.

[42:13] [Ed] I wouldn’t put that anywhere near my testicles if you paid me.
Oh.
I’ve pinched myself with a hair trimmer,
and I have pinched myself shaving my legs before with an electric trimmer.
Because any time the skin kind of puckers up or, you know, it’s a little loose.
Yep, testicles are not that smooth like a leg hair or a face hair kind of thing.
I don’t want a little basically hedge trimmer blades near my junk.
Right.
Not going there.

[42:50] [Unknown] Okay, so what do you use?
Straight up razor and soap.

[42:56] [Ed] So the face razor that I use?

[42:58] [Phoebe] Like a three blade razor?

[42:59] [Ed] Three blade razor.

[43:00] [Unknown] What?

[43:01] [Phoebe] Wait, so how does this happen?
Because your balls are like, you know, loose and like, they’re not tight things.

[43:10] [Unknown] No.

[43:11] [Ed] But in a hot shower, your balls tend to stretch out a little bit.

[43:17] [Phoebe] Right.
So then how?

[43:19] [Ed] Well, what that allows you to do is pull them.

[43:22] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[43:23] [Ed] So that the skin is flat.
And then you can use a regular razor and you can shave them.

[43:29] [Unknown] Okay, kind of like what I do with my labia.

[43:34] [Ed] Exactly like what you ladies do with your labia.

[43:37] [Phoebe] You kind of pull it a little bit and you shave them.
Yep.

[43:41] [Ed] So the big trick is, once again, I cannot stress this enough.
Do not use disposable razors.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hey, the heads don’t move around.
They don’t adjust.
They’re very rigid.
So if you get the wrong angle on them, you’re guaranteed to slice something.
Oh, my gosh.
You do not want to slice your testicles.
See the Wikipedia article about 40 days game green reference Wikipedia.
Yeah.
But using an electric trimmer, supposedly some of these landscaping razor companies
will say it’s skin safe.
Sorry.
Don’t trust the marketing.

[44:25] [Unknown] Not going to do it.

[44:27] [Guest] Not going to do it.
Not going to do it.

[44:30] [Ed] So I just use a regular face shaver.
Safety razor works really well.
You kind of pull the balls.
The trickiest part about shaving your balls is you miss hairs.
Ladies, you can empathize with this.
Yeah.
It’s hard to get all the hairs on your leg because you get them wet and they slick down.
You can’t see them.
Right.

[44:53] [Phoebe] The light’s not necessarily gray.

[44:55] [Ed] The quadruple shave and area just to make sure you got all the weird strays.

[45:00] [Phoebe] Yep.
And not only until you step into the sunlight, can you find all those random hairs?

[45:08] [Ed] Which is absolutely why we recommend nudist resorts and getting naked as often as you can in public
because you got to check to make sure that you got all the hairs and sunlight.
Sunlight is the best way to do it.

[45:21] [Phoebe] I’ve considered taking a razor blade when I’m out of nudist resorts because you look down.

[45:25] [Guest] You’re like, we got to do it.

[45:28] [Phoebe] But yeah, my neighbor’s probably a really appreciate when I step out on the back patio
and the sunlight and shave things that I didn’t get while I was in the shower.
At least until the trees grow up and then they won’t be able to see me anymore.

[45:43] [Unknown] But until then, I really don’t get the fuck.

[45:47] [Phoebe] They’re super cute.
Too bad they’re not swingers.
They have young kids.

[45:50] [Ed] No, that they’re not swingers.
We haven’t thrown the bait out.

[45:54] [Unknown] Hey there, podcast listeners.

[46:00] [Ed] You’ve been tuning into our episodes.
But have you ever wondered about the steamy details of our adventures
or maybe hungry for some sultry erotic stories?

[46:11] [Phoebe] Well, guess what?
We’ve got something special just for you.
Our exclusive Patreon page.
It’s like a VIP pass to the saucy side of our world.

[46:22] [Ed] So if you’re ready for an exclusive behind the Mike experience,
head over to our Patreon page now.
Trust us.
This is where the magic happens.

[46:32] [Unknown] See you there, patrons.

[46:39] [Phoebe] No, we haven’t.
But I doubt it.

[46:42] [Ed] I kind of doubt it too.

[46:44] [Phoebe] I doubt it though.
They have all these, yeah, never mind.

[46:47] [Ed] Oh, that.
Yeah.

[46:50] [Phoebe] They have all these other organized events in their backyard.
And so not, you know,
but they’re frequent enough where I think that they’re probably still invested
in that type of organization.

[47:01] [Unknown] Could be.
Yeah.
Okay.

[47:04] [Ed] The other last bit of advice when shaving the balls is soap and rinsing often.
So as you, especially with longer hair,
as you shave with a razor,
your razor will get clogged up.
So run it under the shower head,
clear it out and begin shaving again.

[47:24] [Unknown] Why don’t, why don’t you try?

[47:26] [Phoebe] You know what?
I’m going to buy you that good, clean, love product.
Cleanzer for men.
You might want to try that.
They have one.
Yeah.
They have one for women’s,
that’s pH balance for women’s vaginas and the,

[47:42] [Ed] I’m open to trying it.

[47:44] [Phoebe] Because then it won’t get clogged.
It’s more of a gel.

[47:47] [Ed] Well, the trick is the hair and the length of the hair.
So if you trim often,
the hair won’t build up as much.
True.
But you still want to rinse between strokes.

[48:00] [Unknown] Really?

[48:01] [Ed] I don’t.
Well, especially with facial hair.

[48:05] [Phoebe] Well, yes.

[48:06] [Ed] There’s a lot of hair in there.

[48:07] [Phoebe] There’s a lot of hair.
But your balls don’t have that much hair.
My balls are fairly sparse.

[48:12] [Ed] I don’t have like this particularly hairy balls.

[48:16] [Phoebe] No, I don’t wouldn’t say that you do.

[48:21] [Ed] But I also trim pretty regular.
True.
Maybe I’m just like keeping the jungle at bay.

[48:27] [Guest] But the big trick is shaving the balls.

[48:32] [Ed] And actually, I forgot this in the notes.
But gentlemen, if you like to get rimmed,
some gentlemen do.
Oh, yes.
You like a woman who’s just,
you just want to be presentable everywhere.

[48:44] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[48:45] [Ed] Shave your anus.

[48:46] [Phoebe] I do.
And I don’t like to be rimmed,
but I like to be presentable.
Because you’re going to see it.

[48:53] [Ed] Don’t want some random Sasquatch chocolate starfish going on.
Chocolate starfish.
Oh, my goodness.
So how come you never,

[49:03] [Phoebe] you might actually like my razor.
My isn’t a really nice razor.
Are we to that part yet?
Where I get to shave my labia?

[49:10] [Ed] Yes, we are.
We can talk about labia.

[49:12] [Phoebe] So I failed to bring the razor blade
into the podcast room.

[49:17] [Ed] You use a Venus shaver.

[49:19] [Unknown] Okay.

[49:20] [Ed] Perfect.
Not just crazy.
Andy.
Like super extra like lubricating strip.
No, no, no.
Venus razor.

[49:29] [Phoebe] It’s specific for shaving the private parts.
And I will tell you,
I did not fall for the marketing bullshit.
And I was like,
your crap’s not going to work on me.
I’m just going to trial this other crap,
you know,
the disposables and any other thing.
And it did not work.
And I got tired of it.
And I said,
all right,
I’m going for the marketing line.
And I bought it.
And I love it.
And it’s worked great.
Now, is it a three blade or a five blade?

[49:58] [Ed] I don’t know.

[49:59] [Phoebe] I think it’s a three blade.
It’s either a three or a four.
And I love it.
And I do change it frequently.
Yeah.
And they said,
you use it three to five times.
And you change it out.
And I’ve never had a problem.
I’ve never had a cut.
It chaves.
Amazing.
Yeah.
And it is worth it.

[50:17] [Ed] Yeah.
Now, I have,
I have used the Gillette Venus razors before
for my face and my balls.
Those work really, really good.
The three blade Venus is fantastic.
And I will say,
gentlemen,
any three blade razor
will also work equally well
as long as it’s not a disposable,
as long as it’s got that pivoting head.
You’ll be OK.
Right.

[50:43] [Phoebe] And I would say also,
whatever you use on your face,
don’t use on your balls.
Keep them separate
because the hair on your face
is 10 times more rough
and stout.
And so you’re going to
dull that razor a lot faster.
So keep one for the privates
and one for the face.
No.

[51:05] [Ed] That’s what I do.

[51:06] [Phoebe] I use one for the legs
and one for the privates.
No, I’m going to throw a monkey wrench

[51:10] [Ed] in Phoebe’s advice here.
Oh my gosh.
My testicle skin is actually
more resilient, more tough
than my facial hair.
My facial skin.

[51:24] [Unknown] Huh.

[51:25] [Ed] I have a baby face.
I’ve got a really delicate,
soft skin on my face.
The testicle skin is
kind of like car tire rubber.
It’s pretty light.
What?
It’s stretchy.
Then you should not

[51:41] [Phoebe] have a problem
with me sucking your balls
into my mouth.

[51:44] [Guest] It’s not the skin.
It’s the delicate, sensitive
things inside the skin
that I don’t want sucked

[51:53] [Ed] and bitten off.
And you get really enthusiastic
with your low jaw.

[51:58] [Phoebe] I do.
I get so enthusiastic.

[52:00] [Ed] Which I absolutely
appreciate when it’s
around the cock.
But the balls make me nervous, honey.

[52:08] [Guest] I’m nervous, honey.
I’m nervous, I’m nervous.

[52:11] [Ed] But maybe, you know,
maybe it’s an acclamation
thing, maybe you just
need to suck my balls more.

[52:15] [Phoebe] I think I just need to do it
more.
And I don’t do it more
because I know you’re nervous
and I don’t want to make you
nervous and I want you to have
a good experience so I don’t do
it more.
But I really love it.

[52:25] [Ed] A baby.
If your face is anywhere
near my cock.

[52:28] [Phoebe] I know.

[52:29] [Ed] You love it.
I’m having a good time.
You love it.

[52:32] [Phoebe] I’m having a good time.
But I like to change up
the scenery while I’m down there.

[52:37] [Ed] Baby, you do what you want to
do down there.
If you’re doing anything
down there, I’m happy.
I’m just saying.

[52:45] [Phoebe] One of my favorite things
is sharing your cock
with another mouth.
That is super fabulous.

[52:52] [Guest] Yeah, that’s nice.

[52:54] [Phoebe] When there’s one on one
side and one on the other,
that is probably
honestly one of my
one of my top

[53:00] [Unknown] three days.

[53:01] [Phoebe] I think that’s going to be a

[53:02] [Ed] Olympics fort.
The tandem cock sucking.

[53:06] [Phoebe] I’m pretty sure it’s

[53:08] [Ed] an exhibition sport
in the next Olympics.

[53:10] [Phoebe] Olympics?
I can start a
petition for that.
That would be great.
We’ll put that on Twitter.

[53:15] [Ed] I will freaking sign up
for that.

[53:17] [Phoebe] Tandem cock sucking.

[53:19] [Ed] I will be the equipment
for that sport.
All right.

[53:22] [Phoebe] I’ll be there.

[53:24] [Ed] There’s a couple other
things that we,
you wanted to talk about
in terms of like
labia and hair.

[53:30] [Unknown] Yeah.

[53:31] [Ed] So a lot of women,
wax,
the whole Brazilian wax.
A lot of my

[53:37] [Phoebe] super scary friends wax.

[53:39] [Ed] I’ve seen the videos.

[53:41] [Unknown] Yeah.

[53:42] [Ed] I’ve scared the
shit out of me.
Yeah.
I’m not sure my balls
could handle that.
Yeah.
But supposedly,
it works really well.

[53:50] [Phoebe] It works really well.
I’ve had it done once
maybe twice.
And I’m not a fan.
I’m not really a
fan of waxing.
I’m not really a fan of
waxing my legs
or under my arms
or my labia.
It’s extremely painful.
What I have done is
a lot of laser treatments.
Before, some of the
laser treatments were great.
So over the years,
I still need a few more
laser treatments.
And I’m actually going to
go back and have my
good friend finish off
the job because I am having
to shave.
And I don’t like having to shave
those last few stray hairs.

[54:30] [Ed] I was going to say,
it’s just a couple
of hair.
It’s annoying.

[54:34] [Phoebe] Well, it’s a little
more than a couple.
But it’s enough to be
annoying.

[54:39] [Ed] I try to get down there
as often as I can to
inspect and make sure.
And I get pretty close.
You do a really good job
of trimming.

[54:49] [Phoebe] You do get really close.

[54:50] [Unknown] Almost close enough to touch.

[54:55] [Phoebe] But I will say that the lasers
now are way better
than they were before.
They’re a lot more powerful.
They’re responsible for the

[55:06] [Ed] techniques over the years.

[55:07] [Phoebe] Oh, my gosh.
It’s amazing.

[55:09] [Unknown] It’s years ago.

[55:10] [Phoebe] It’s so much different now.
And you can probably get,
oh, I can’t estimate.
Everyone’s different depending
on how much treatment
you have.
But I will say,
laser treatment has improved
over the years.
It’s going to go get that
done.
It’s so worth it.
I mean, when you think about
how much money you’re spending
waxing in the time,
you just get a laser
and it’s done.

[55:32] [Ed] Now, I will say,
ladies,
I kind of miss having a
little bit of a landing strip
going on the top.
I do.

[55:43] [Phoebe] I have thought about that

[55:44] [Ed] over the years.
The labia part
where you’re like really
down there with the tongue
and the mouth

[55:50] [Phoebe] eating part.

[55:51] [Ed] Yeah.

[55:52] [Unknown] Having no hair down there?

[55:54] [Ed] It’s nice.
Okay, with that being
completely shaved clean.

[55:59] [Unknown] Yeah.

[56:00] [Ed] But having a little bit of
pubic hair, it’s kind of
70s sexy.

[56:04] [Phoebe] I know.

[56:05] [Ed] And you don’t have the
really horny watching
all that vintage
porn.
And I kind of miss that.

[56:11] [Phoebe] I know.
I agree.
I have had a little bit of
hindsight 2020 and go,
gosh, you know,
I really wish I hadn’t
lasered off all the top part
because I’ve lost the
flexibility.

[56:25] [Ed] Maybe there was a hair

[56:26] [Unknown] club for women.

[56:27] [Phoebe] Good gosh.

[56:29] [Ed] You know, there’s
merkins.

[56:31] [Guest] The merkins.
We could do the

[56:33] [Ed] merkins.
But I don’t want to
too pay things.
Like that just comes
off in your mouth.
And then you’ve got a
like, and that’s awkward.

[56:40] [Phoebe] But if it’s a little
landing strip, maybe it’s
not as noticeable, I don’t

[56:43] [Ed] know.
What if we just got like
eyelashes and we just
kind of glued them on?

[56:47] [Phoebe] I knew you were going to
go there.
It’s a business now.
We should start it.
We should start one.

[56:54] [Ed] All right.
We’ve gotten completely
silly at this.

[56:57] [Guest] So decorative we could do

[56:59] [Unknown] in hair.

[57:01] [Phoebe] You can do words like
fuck me.
Oh.
In letters.
Or just in hair.
In hair letters.
Just pointing down.

[57:08] [Unknown] Yeah.

[57:09] [Phoebe] That’s what tattoos are
for.
There you go.
Oh, I’ll just tattoo on
some hair.

[57:14] [Unknown] No.
Okay.
No.

[57:17] [Phoebe] All right.
So let’s see.
Are we done with my section?

[57:20] [Ed] We are.
We have finished with the

[57:22] [Unknown] labia.

[57:23] [Ed] And the fact that I’m
terrified of waxing,
although I haven’t
done it yet.
But now I’m thinking about

[57:28] [Phoebe] Mrs. Red and no Mrs.
real and light.
She’s got a little bit of a
landing script.

[57:33] [Unknown] Does she?

[57:34] [Ed] I didn’t notice.

[57:35] [Unknown] No, she doesn’t.

[57:36] [Phoebe] She’s very cleanly
shave and then it was very
nice to be done there.
Okay.
Continue.
Otherwise I’m really
in a side-direct.
Yes.
We won’t talk about other
regiants that we’ve

[57:46] [Ed] experienced in.
Yes.
The authorities have.
Mm-hmm.
Gentlemen, towel off.

[57:51] [Unknown] You’ve cleaned.

[57:52] [Ed] Yes.

[57:53] [Unknown] Yes.

[57:55] [Ed] Gentlemen, towel off.
You’ve cleaned.
You’ve shaven.
Towel yourself off.

[58:00] [Unknown] Now, it’s time for the
blowjob.

[58:02] [Ed] What?

[58:03] [Unknown] No, not your wife actually

[58:06] [Ed] sucking on your face.
You need a blowjob after you
towel off from a shower?

[58:09] [Phoebe] I do.
I blowjob myself.

[58:11] [Ed] Oh.
Every time I get out of the
shower.
Wow.
Specifically, we have a hair
dryer.

[58:17] [Unknown] Yeah.
In the little shower area.

[58:21] [Guest] Mm-hmm.

[58:22] [Ed] And I will blow dry.
My testicles.
The underparts.
The taint.
Et cetera.
What do you do that?
As well as my hair.
So that I can prepare for that.

[58:35] [Phoebe] Oh.
For the gel and the.
Yeah.

[58:38] [Ed] For gel or whatnot.
But one of the things that I
found is by not only
towing off, but drying that
moisture off, you reduce the
moisture that you’re going to
trap inside your pants or
inside of your fancy
underwear, if you wear them.
Right.
And that’s going to reduce
bacteria and smells and
potential sweat.
In other words, you’re kind of
staving off.
You just did all this work to
clean.

[59:04] [Unknown] Yeah.

[59:05] [Ed] Get the moisture out of there
because moist balls breed
smells.
Yeah.

[59:11] [Unknown] So just blow dry a little bit.

[59:13] [Phoebe] Right.
And I’m going to throw something
in there because you didn’t
put my one of my favorite
products that I like to use
when we’re swinging is
loom.
Yes.
And they have, it’s, I don’t
know exactly what’s in it, but
it’s essentially, let’s just say
it smells really good.
And it’s, it’s like what’s the
white powder that you put in
the refrigerator.

[59:38] [Unknown] Baking soda.

[59:39] [Phoebe] It’s kind of like baking soda.

[59:41] [Unknown] Yeah.

[59:42] [Ed] It’s got a little bit of

[59:43] [Phoebe] effect.
Forgive me.
I’m a little ear-
prepared for representing that
product in a, in a great way.
But I love it.
And it reduces any kind of
odor.
So you’re on the dance floor,
you’re mingling all night long
for hours and you’re sweating.
And you will not smell.
I will tell you, it’s amazing.
You can use it as a deodorant.
It’s pretty damn good.
Right.
So when I go to a swinger
party, I put it all on the outside
of my labia.
I put it around my butthole.
Or anywhere.
It’s going to sweat.
One of the boobs.
And I smell amazing.
And I don’t have to freshen up.

[01:00:19] [Unknown] So.
Because I already smell fresh.

[01:00:21] [Ed] I’m going to try some loom on the,
the dry.
See how that works.

[01:00:25] [Phoebe] I know.
We’ll put that in the show notes.

[01:00:27] [Unknown] Yeah.

[01:00:30] [Ed] The aftershave part.

[01:00:33] [Unknown] Gentlemen, you like to wear

[01:00:37] [Ed] a cologne.
I’m going to throw this out here.
Go to a nice place.
Try the aftershave out on your skin.
Because your skin.
Chemistry will actually affect
how the cologne smells.
Yes.
Smells good in the bottle.
But it may not smell good on you.

[01:00:57] [Phoebe] And I would suggest going to Nordstroms

[01:00:59] [Unknown] because they have this perfume department.

[01:01:03] [Phoebe] Right.
It’s complete just perfume.
It’s right near, at least they used to,
near the cosmetics.
And they will help you pick out a scent
that works for you.
It was an art.
Amazing.
It was like custom.
It was great.
And you don’t want to use too much
because I will say,
if you’ve used a lot.
It’ll take you.
Yeah.
And you’re regardless of whether
you’ve had a good experience
or not with that play partner.
At the end of the night,
when I want to connect with you,
I smell some other guy.
And for me,
that doesn’t turn me on.
I want to smell you.
And so I feel like I have to take a shower
to get the scent of somebody else
off so that I can have
reconnect sex with you.
And so I just don’t want that
extra cologne sticking to my body
in excess, right?

[01:01:59] [Ed] With that kind of just points to
is a little bit is good.
Too much, like don’t bathe in the damn stuff.
Right.
So for me,
it’s a couple of sprites on my chest.
So like one on each pack.
And then one on my wrist.
And then I rub my wrist together.
So I get a little bit of the smell.
But it’s not overpowering.
It’s not too much.
Yeah.
Don’t do it on your neck or face, please.
No.
Especially if you’re kissing.

[01:02:26] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[01:02:27] [Ed] Because then you eat it
and you taste it.
And you taste it.
Yeah.

[01:02:31] [Phoebe] And then you kiss someone
and then it’s on them.
And then they went to kiss somebody else.
And then now the lady smells like a man.
So that’s not cool.

[01:02:37] [Guest] But a little bit on your chest.

[01:02:39] [Ed] They get the scent.
They’re not typically
licking your nipples.
No.
There’s some freaky chicks in there
who are doing the people licking thing.
I know.
I know.
I know.
I’m still trying to
come into terms with the nipple licking.
Gentlemen,
a little bit of moisturizer on your skin.
You just soped and scrubbed.
Put some moisture back in.
Seal that moisture in.
You don’t get the dry, flaky skin.
Moisturize is good.

[01:03:07] [Phoebe] And the eyebrows too.
Because the eyebrows can get flaky.

[01:03:11] [Ed] And everywhere on your face,
except for your lips,
you can use a little chapstick to kind of help your lips.

[01:03:16] [Unknown] Hair products.

[01:03:18] [Ed] Whatever your favorite hair product is,
I’m not going to go into that.

[01:03:22] [Unknown] I personally like

[01:03:25] [Ed] a little bit of a, like a pomade or wax.
It’s nice and clean and dry.

[01:03:32] [Unknown] And it’s fun and lirty.
Keep your hair.

[01:03:37] [Ed] And I cannot stress this enough.
Brush your teeth.
Oh my gosh.
And some mouthwash.

[01:03:49] [Guest] Do we floss too?

[01:03:51] [Ed] Absolutely.

[01:03:52] [Guest] Okay.

[01:03:53] [Ed] Brush floss.
And mouthwash.

[01:03:56] [Phoebe] Oh my gosh.

[01:03:57] [Ed] What else?

[01:03:58] [Phoebe] Brush your tongue.
Yes, I always brush my tongue.

[01:04:01] [Unknown] All right.
And last but not least,

[01:04:05] [Ed] we’re now putting the clothing on.
We’re layering clothes on.
Huh.
Question, of course, is
Commando or fancy pants?
So do you wear underwear or do you go commando?

[01:04:17] [Phoebe] Just I just learned that
Ed goes commando at all the parties.

[01:04:23] [Ed] Almost all the time.

[01:04:25] [Phoebe] I honestly didn’t know that.
And I don’t know why I didn’t know that.

[01:04:30] [Ed] You’re usually not the first one in my pants.
That’s true.
So you’re not storming the beach.

[01:04:38] [Phoebe] That’s true.
So I’m not noticing when you
Disrobe because somebody’s
Disrobing me.
So I’m focused.
You’re busy.
Yes.

[01:04:48] [Ed] Get busy.

[01:04:49] [Unknown] Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

[01:04:51] [Ed] So I struggle with this
cotton synthetics,
breathable fabrics, sweat,
reducing that, you know,
I don’t want any kind of
Bacteria going on.
I don’t want any kind of sweat going on.
So for in my mind,
going commando means one less layer,
my balls and my cock are not restricted.
They’re not sweating on each other.
I’m not holding that heat in.
Commando for me means I’m getting
A little air circulation in there,
which is fresher when she zips or
Unzips and whips it out.
She’s not going to get a
Face full of ball sweat.
So that’s thoughtful.
That’s at least my methodology.
Now, if you guys know,
and I haven’t done a lot of research
About this, of a particular pair of
Underwear or fabric that works really good
And doesn’t have that problem,
Let us know.
But me,
Commando is pretty nice.
It’s kind of like the boxer shorts,
where you get a little bird breathing room.

[01:05:58] [Guest] Mm-hmm.
Things circulate.
Mm-hmm.

[01:06:01] [Ed] Can’t stress this enough.
Dress to impress.
Gentlemen, where are some slacks?
Yeah, put on a nice dress shirt.
Put some nice shoes on.
Uh-huh.
Match the occasion.

[01:06:14] [Unknown] If it’s a nice hotel party,

[01:06:18] [Ed] Dress like James Bond a little bit.
You don’t have to do the full
Tuxedo penguin suit.

[01:06:25] [Guest] Yeah, but at least look like you’re trying.

[01:06:28] [Ed] Yeah.

[01:06:29] [Unknown] T-shirt, jeans,

[01:06:31] [Ed] Great for motorcycle ride.
You’re going to go out in the country
Said on your Harley.
Mm-hmm.
Not for a nightclub.
Not for trying to impress the ladies.

[01:06:41] [Phoebe] I would recommend that the
Stitchfix for men,
Because it’s kind of fabulous.
For several reasons.
One, they will do a video interview
With you that you have told me about.
And they will match you up pretty darn well.
In fact, you’ve gotten three or four boxes of stuff
And you’ve almost purchased everything every single time.
Yeah, good stuff.
Not only do I like that aspect of it,
But I like the fact that it takes me out of the role of buying you clothes
Because I had a relationship where I did that for my partner.
And it kind of made me the mom in the relationship.
And I didn’t like that.

[01:07:26] [Ed] Yeah, it’s not back to school guys.

[01:07:28] [Phoebe] Right.
Because I was doing all the shopping.
And so you don’t want to fall into the mom role.
You want to stay the 60 wife.
Now I will say,
Shopping with you when we go shopping together.
And you are picking out things and I’m like,
Ooh, or I’m picking out something like,
Ooh, I really like that.
Try that on.
And then maybe we have sex in the dressing room.
But yeah, that’s hot.

[01:07:52] [Ed] Yeah.
Right.
Or at least I’m taking pictures of my
semi-naked self and sending them to you.

[01:07:58] [Phoebe] And sending them to me when I’m outside the dressing room.
Yeah, that’s really hot.
So that’s fun.

[01:08:03] [Ed] No.

[01:08:04] [Phoebe] Sorry, side tracking.
Yeah, no.
Are we moving on now?

[01:08:07] [Ed] That’s all good.
No.
The other aspect of this is,
I’m recommending a nice dress shirt and slacks.
You’re going to a pool party.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you’re not wearing slacks.
No, no.
But you know what?
If your swim trunks have got big holes in them,
and they look like you’ve just wore them in the garage,
like don’t wear them.

[01:08:26] [Phoebe] I know.
People are pretty good.
People are pretty handy.
People will play a hen to be pretty good.

[01:08:31] [Ed] Good.
Then throwing it out there has just a sanity.
Dress nice.

[01:08:37] [Guest] We are going to a pool party next weekend.

[01:08:39] [Phoebe] So please tune in.
We’ll see what happens.

[01:08:44] [Ed] I’m sure all kinds of naughty wonderful things are going to happen.

[01:08:50] [Unknown] And I wanted to throw this in.

[01:08:53] [Ed] this in. Gentlemen, all of this stuff I went through probably grand total takes you
half hour 45 minutes to do all of that. It’s not a lot of time. I want you to be considered
of your wife because it will take her two hours to get ready. Yep. Because not only will
she do makeup and hair and a whole bunch of other crazy shit that I just I still can’t
process. My brain is unable to process all of that prep time that women go through on a
regular basis. But she will also change her shoes and her dress at least five. I was going
to say two times. Five times. You’re probably more accurate if you be. Yeah. Five times.
Five times. So in the meantime, while she’s doing all of that, you’ve gotten dressed,

[01:09:44] [Unknown] showered, prepped, prepped, shaved, trimmed, get the gobag ready. Yeah. Get anything that

[01:09:54] [Ed] you need ready. Get your energy drinks for the night, whatever you need and prep the
rest of the party while your wife is still getting ready. Yeah. And I would say somehow

[01:10:05] [Phoebe] time it so that the dude is doing his shower well before. That’s where well after because
of our hair because if we’re growing our hair, we don’t need moisture in the shower area.

[01:10:20] [Ed] So that’s the problem. Showering before has been our technique.
Strategy. Remember, it’s not how you feel. It’s how you look and you look fabulous. Taking
the time to groom and make yourself presentable not only makes you feel better, but it helps
to give you that edge for those first or repeat impressions. If you look and smell like
Sasquatch, oh my, she’s going to run for the hills. So take a few minutes, make the effort.

[01:10:57] [Unknown] She’ll appreciate it. Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any

[01:11:22] [Ed] way, the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It
takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they’re searching for relationship
education. And we’ve made it easy. Visit SwingerUniversity.com-forge-review. All the instructions
are there. Thank you for being part of this community. We’ll see you again soon.