How To Get A Second Swinger Date

[00:03] [Guest] You’re listening to Swinger University with Ed and Phoebe
Bringing you sexy lessons for sexy fun
Here are your hosts Ed and Phoebe

[00:20] [Unknown] This is Ed and this is Phoebe

[00:25] [Ed] Today we were talking about how to get a
second date
We talk about how to reach out to that other couple without sounding
desperate or creepy yet

[00:39] [Unknown] confident and

[00:41] [Ed] By the way, congratulations on your first date because if you’re looking for a second date
You had a first which is great and apparently you did lure them into your sex den

[00:55] [Phoebe] So you’ve had your first date and it was
Let’s just say it was fabulous
It was good

[01:03] [Unknown] You had a good time. Yeah, a good time because you’ll want a second date

[01:09] [Phoebe] So you and your partner will do this post-game wrap-up
discuss
With your partner how the evening went in your perspective

[01:20] [Unknown] You know ask your partner if they’re up for a second opportunity

[01:24] [Phoebe] What kind of signals and communication did you receive from the other couple to give you an indication of a second date
And then figure out if you’re all in
Sometimes you just know and you’re able to make a quick decision on the spot if asked

[01:42] [Ed] It just went so well that you both look at each other and you go oh yeah want more of that

[01:50] [Phoebe] We’ve had a couple of those right and we’ve had those where
We’re in the car on the way home. We just came from someone house someone’s house and we’re chatting
And my perspective is a little different from yours or vice versa and maybe you’re all in but I’m maybe a little on the fence
Right and you’re like oh really and I’m like yeah, it was kind of
I don’t know
Things change overnight right things changes you discuss things and process things so the next day may be
All-in or maybe not

[02:28] [Ed] It’s the equivalent of sleeping on it right exactly
You process it you think about it and then you remember something and you’re like
Yeah, you know there was that thing right

[02:40] [Phoebe] Right and you start to weigh things as as we’ve talked about in other episodes
That the hormones have have died down the adrenaline starting to wear off and then you know
You start to think about hey, yeah, are they really a good match? Is it worth it to have another have another date

[03:00] [Ed] And this is the important
Conversation to have to go if you’re all in and you want to have a second date you got to talk about it with your partner

[03:08] [Unknown] right, so
Talk about it exactly explain why you want to have a second date

[03:15] [Ed] Get into the details get
dirty
dirty details

[03:23] [Phoebe] So the timing also depends on the venue the timing of of
Getting that second date of connecting with that couple again, right
Say you’re at their house. I say for me within 45 minutes and definitely less than 24 hours. You need to make
Contact you’re texting them and usually we’re always doing that either in the car on the way home
Or as soon as we hit the door hey, we got home safe. Thank you for a fabulous evening

[03:58] [Ed] blah blah blah and we’ll give you some examples later on right and this is a good opportunity to just
Keep the connection to just reach out to them
If anything, it’s just being polite. Hey, you know, it was late at night. We were driving home
They may have been worried about whether we got home. Absolutely safe. Yeah, and so if you reach out
It won
It’s common courtesy to kind of absolutely. Thanks someone for an evening. Absolutely, but the second part is
You give them an opportunity to say something back and you can start to get more information from them right

[04:40] [Unknown] Right

[04:43] [Phoebe] Hotel event
You can just tell them right then and there
They they may be up for another one-on-one or are planning a room party the next night
And think that you might be a good fit for group fun group fun

[05:01] [Ed] Oh, I caught up this group fun
This hotel event really is for those one two night things or
For those couples who may be come in from out of town and they’re staying in extra night because they don’t want to travel again
New Year’s Eve is a great example and Halloween and Halloween
At least where we are
The events are usually two nights, but even even new years a lot of times people
Party it up and they may not want to drive home
The next day. That’s a little staycation. Yeah, they get a little room service get some breakfast in bed
a little sweet snack in the
morning and then
They’re up for more

[05:51] [Phoebe] Exactly
We’ll have an example also on what to say if you’re at and a hotel a hotel event right
Now if you’re on a cruise again
Tell them right then and there because even worse than a hotel it’s
So big and so many people

[06:12] [Unknown] And you get lost depending on the ship. Yeah, they keep getting bigger and bigger the police cruises

[06:19] [Phoebe] So
More important like
Make sure that you try and make a connection because you know you can’t text anybody. No one has their phone
Their phones are in the room. You can’t there’s no service. So

[06:35] [Unknown] It’s all very spontaneous and in the moment and there’s so many people on the ship that
They

[06:45] [Ed] They may remember you they may like you they may have had a good time
But there’s 3000 other good times walking around on the deck. So

[06:57] [Phoebe] You’re not the only good time in town right and even if they do want to get back with you
They may not be able to find you so they’re what are they going to do?
They’re going to take the next good time staring them in the face right

[07:11] [Ed] Opportunity right

[07:14] [Phoebe] So this is why you have to have your ho card
We talked about that in one of our first few episodes
Absolutely your ho card got ho cards got your your room number on it

[07:27] [Ed] And it they can find you there. They can write on your board. They can tell you where they’re going to be

[07:33] [Phoebe] your Cassidy profile name your SLS your
your

[07:38] [Unknown] Cash kick kick all that I was going to name all the other lifestyle

[07:47] [Phoebe] Um

[07:48] [Ed] Applications websites. Yeah SLS Cassidy, but those are the two that are in our areas

[07:53] [Phoebe] So those are the ones that are on the forefront of my brain lots of them there are a lot
Very important have your ho card
And make sure you explain what’s on the card. We even have a QR code on the back
So that makes it even easier for people to
Get our information in their phone

[08:14] [Ed] Super easy. They just take a picture the phone slurps all the information in they’ve got a contact
We’re right there

[08:21] [Phoebe] Absolutely
A lot of people will tend to stay a day after or a day before the cruise
So if if you can get connected the day before there’s a lot of groups that start chat groups that start up before a cruise
And you can connect with people before they have a meet and greet typically at the hotel before
So getting a room before the cruise is great
And then people like I said will stay that night after the cruise as well
Another good opportunity to meet up go to little Havana or something like that if you’re in Miami
In Florida and meet up and have a good time and continue the
The good times the sexy times. Yeah, and there are

[09:06] [Ed] There are lots of fun things to do in the cruise
ship
Doc towns, you know, whether it’s in Miami or Fort Lauderdale
There’s
There’s always something to do at night
So yeah, make connections. I’ve I’m distracted. I’ve got this brilliant QR code idea, which is
Uh-oh our profile and all the contact information goes in
I’ve got to figure out a way to get a photo
in with that

[09:36] [Phoebe] You can get a photo in with the QR code

[09:38] [Ed] I don’t know. I gotta I’m gonna
You probably can you have a geek brainstorm right now

[09:45] [Unknown] It’s gotta be a way to do it. I’m gonna figure it out

[09:49] [Phoebe] So that the photo pops into the contact so that when

[09:55] [Ed] It’s all right there

[09:57] [Phoebe] Everything our name shows up

[10:00] [Ed] Boom, there’s our faces. Bam. Oh faces. Yeah. Yeah faces
Open up our contact. There it is
Right in your face. Oh, I mean
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[11:21] [Phoebe] Okay, so there is a formula
If you’re gonna text someone and even if you’re in real life

[11:28] [Ed] You want to thank them obviously miss manners you want to compliment them obviously

[11:35] [Phoebe] and acknowledge and appreciate
Some shared commonality that you have state your interest
Because it shows confidence and
And this interest will be obviously the future date because you’re trying to get a second date

[11:52] [Ed] This goes into that whole
Closing the deal right mentality right which is
You you express your interest and then you go
Yeah, and we want a second date. We’d love to get together with you guys again, right and and confidence is

[12:12] [Phoebe] Confidence is very attractive
You may feel like it feels very forward and imposing but it’s not confidence is attractive and honestly
It lets people know where you stand and they can either go yay or nay and you know what then you’re not wasting any time
There’s no ambivalence. There’s no wishy-washy. You’re like oh, they’re not in for it again great move on because yeah
People are only in this lifestyle for 18 months and
On a cruise you probably will never play with

[12:45] [Ed] Yeah, it’s a couple twice at best. You might see them one other time right at that at another cruise if you happen to be

[12:53] [Phoebe] Yeah, the likelihood will there is actually a good likelihood of that on another cruise

[12:58] [Ed] Yeah, people stay in touch for that reason although we were almost at the 18 month mark if we’d gone back in november
From the first cruise and that’s because there’s a spring cruise and a fall cruise and we went spring the first time a year past
And then it was going to be fall
Which was another six months which puts us right at that 18 month mark for a cruise for the cruise right but not for everything else
Not for everything else
But for a lot of people this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
You know the the stars kind of align to go to some of these things right or it’s their one year

[13:36] [Phoebe] event because there’s nothing in their community. There’s nothing in their state

[13:40] [Ed] Or they’re or they’re very private and they don’t want to do true public

[13:46] [Phoebe] True, yeah, or they they can’t because of their their job and and all that
Yeah, they don’t play in their town. Yeah, it happens. That’s a lot
There’s a lot of people like that
So the last thing in your formula is follow up. So first we had thank compliment appreciate and acknowledge
State your interest and then follow up
And it’s that follow up that’ll get you that second date. Yeah

[14:13] [Ed] Hopefully because you’re you’re kind of
Rapping up that evening and then when you follow up with them
You’re keeping that connection alive. You’re giving them another opportunity. You’re setting that next

[14:27] [Unknown] Date up exactly

[14:30] [Phoebe] So here are some of the examples that we were
hinting at at the beginning
So for example in a text you could say
Hi Ken and Barbie we really enjoyed the evening and would love to get together again
We will reach out in the future
If you have a date in mind feel free to contact us and let’s coordinate wink wink

[14:56] [Ed] Here’s another example
Hi Ken and Barbie. We arrived home safe. We hope you arrived home safe
Depending on who left whose house exactly
Thank you for a great evening. You were both so fun and easy to relax with
We look forward to another play date and we’ll reach out to you in the future with plenty of notice
Especially if they have child care exactly

[15:22] [Phoebe] Exactly and you’ll know that obviously because
They’ll probably talk about their kids. They’ll tell you. Yeah, and they’ll talk about the kids
So if you’re in real life and you’re at a hotel takeover
You’re coming out of the room
You’re hugging in your kissing
Thank you bus so much for such a sexy and fun time
We are here for the next several days and would love to meet up again
Here’s our ho-card

[15:52] [Ed] And on the ho-card remember you got to write your room number
So that they can
Call you through the phones or they can just swing by and you can even hit to them
Hey, we’ll be there all day. We’re relaxing in the room. Maybe watching a movie swing by if you want

[16:10] [Unknown] Knock on the door. We’ll happy to have a nooner with you. We’ve had people call us over for morning

[16:17] [Phoebe] Breakfast. Yeah, there were some several times hot butter croissants
One time there was actually breakfast

[16:26] [Ed] Yeah, yeah, that that did happen

[16:31] [Phoebe] Cruise yeah, let’s talk about cruise example

[16:35] [Ed] Thank you both for a great time. We would love to meet up with you another time
Here’s our ho-card with our room number on it
And you can find us at
Every meet and greet and in the playroom and be specific about which play room
And which meet and greet which meet and greet and keep in mind on up and this is
We’re distracting you a little bit with this, but it’s important details
Playrooms on cruise ships are huge. So
They’ll have to look for you, but you can still space but do you like have
Last one had four playrooms. Yeah, so be specific which playroom and even then

[17:21] [Unknown] you may have

[17:25] [Ed] A hard time finding them again

[17:27] [Phoebe] But they can look yeah
They control the area and they’ll have separate meet and greet areas on the on the ship to the
Martini lounge was one correct and there’s

[17:41] [Ed] Specific groups of meet and greets for you know certain age groups certain
Sexual preferences certain
Yes

[17:50] [Phoebe] Et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, so you can meet up there too and it’s great. We we did do that and it worked out really well
Another thing we would do too is tell them to look for us in the buffet

[18:04] [Ed] dining because everybody’s got to eat yep, so
Tell them to meet you in the buffet and we’ll eat each other. I mean we’ll have dinner together

[18:14] [Phoebe] And we’ve specifically said you know stop by sit down with us. Don’t feel like you’re interrupting
You know, we’re sitting there by ourselves

[18:22] [Ed] You know come in you know sit down. There’s a group of us comes sit down because the more the merrier and

[18:29] [Phoebe] We have done that to people too. We’ve seen them. Maybe we’ve played with them or recording them and we’re like hey
And we go over and we walk and we chat and I mean yeah, they may be with a group, but
It doesn’t matter people you feel like you’re interrupting but you’re not everyone’s friendly everyone

[18:49] [Ed] Wants to know everybody everybody wants to have a good time and if you’re a good time

[18:54] [Phoebe] They want to meet you. Yeah, it’s that simple. They’re not there for the exclusive little small
six-person interaction on the ship for an entire week. No

[19:05] [Ed] They’re on a cruise ship with three thousand swingers. Yes
They’re looking for as much fun as they can get us. Yes
So we were sitting in the buffet one night and the couple that we were sitting with
We were all at the table admiring this one couple that walked by and she was bold and very forward and said
Mommy come here
Called her over to the table. We all met
Introduced ourselves. We ended up having sex with them the next night

[19:38] [Unknown] In the playroom

[19:43] [Ed] true story
So
Definitely reach out and say hi. So your friends could have

[19:52] [Phoebe] Other attractive friends that may be interested in you so they’re like, you know
It’s good. It’s all good. It’s all good
All these responses are when you’re you know sure that you really want to play again and you may be really sure that you want to play again
But again as we said in the beginning you might sleep on it and you sent a response
You said something in person and the next morning you’re like
I know right. I don’t know. I feel a little different this morning after I woke up
So you know just be prepared to back out gracely if something’s changed for you and your partner, but
You don’t always know in the moment. I mean even if you’re like
75% you’re like yeah, I’d play with them again
Why because it was fun the adrenaline’s going on all the blah blah blah?
All of that the hormones, but then the next day you’re like
And and that’s okay. That’s okay, but you’d never really know
Don’t make a true hard and fast decision
Unless it was just really awful and you know, you know right obviously

[21:08] [Ed] You’re gonna know and you’re not locked into anything. I mean remember this is
Consent right so you can change your mind at any point so exactly

[21:18] [Phoebe] If anything do it anyway, so you have practice

[21:25] [Ed] Following up and setting up the second date

[21:28] [Phoebe] Well, not if you not if you know that you really don’t want to yeah, yeah, that’s just
That’s just then it wouldn’t come from a genuine place. So okay
Never mind. It’s not like an interview

[21:42] [Ed] But it does give you the opportunity to craft your gentle letdown, which is yes
Another aspect of this which is you decide not to do it. You definitely have to
Let them down. You still thank them. You still yeah go through most of it. You just go
Hey, maybe we’ll see you at the next party and it’s a very soft letdown. Yeah

[22:07] [Unknown] Yeah

[22:10] [Ed] Follow up
You’ve gone through that evening. You’ve said your goodbyes. You’ve
Let them know your interest
You’re gonna follow up at some point
And this is just like any other transaction. You’re gonna follow up
Reach out to them in a few weeks
See how they’re doing. Yeah
State your desire to get together
So if you are interested let them know again go hey, we had a really good time
We still want to get together
What does like next weekend look like or the weekend after that or hey

[22:47] [Phoebe] Bliss cruise 2020 spring 2020 was so great because it didn’t happen just getting um
Are you gonna be on the next one? Are you gonna be on the November one?

[23:00] [Ed] And you can set things up for the next
event exactly cruises are tricky because
There’s a year that goes by people change

[23:12] [Phoebe] Over a year right, but I know that some people’s specifically plan
They’re cruises to be there at the same time. I know that happens. That’s gonna be like out of your level 10

[23:26] [Ed] Hit it off versus the
Six it was good
Yeah, and if we ran across them again, we try again
I know it does I know
So reach out in real life cruise hotel no matter how it happened and basically say
Hey, it wasn’t the event great
I had a great time. We had a great time. How have you guys been?
You can’t open it segue. You remind them of who you were

[23:57] [Unknown] Yeah

[24:00] [Phoebe] Life you life happens life happens and sometimes you don’t remember

[24:06] [Unknown] It’s okay

[24:08] [Ed] You restate your desire
There’s another hotel takeover coming up. Are you going? Will you both be there? For example

[24:18] [Phoebe] We’ll be there. We have monthly

[24:20] [Ed] We used to have monthly parties hotel takeovers
I would reach out to people who were interested in say hey, we’re gonna be at the blah blah blah party
Do you are you guys going right and it’s one of those things where you just kind of open the door for that next opportunity

[24:37] [Unknown] Exactly

[24:39] [Ed] Always be respectful. So leave it open ended be polite don’t be rude don’t send them dick pics unless of course they ask for them

[24:48] [Phoebe] It’s so funny. We have to say that especially in this day and age and what happened with
all this nonsense in
The 2020 election

[24:58] [Ed] Be respectful

[24:59] [Unknown] Be nice be respectful nice

[25:02] [Ed] You catch way more flies with sugar than you do with

[25:07] [Phoebe] vinegar. Yes

[25:09] [Unknown] But I don’t know why you’d set something up. Maybe it’s just don’t be a dick. Yeah, don’t yeah or don’t be crass

[25:16] [Ed] Maybe it’s more like be

[25:20] [Phoebe] Anyway, I’m not sure where you’re going, but I was thinking dick. So I just had to say dick

[25:28] [Ed] And the most important thing with this is to propose a date the next hotel takeover the
A dinner and drinks kind of a thing
Movie at our place

[25:42] [Phoebe] Netflix and chill who knows yeah, and and we’ve done that too or you know
Maybe a significant amount of time has gone by six months right because it took that long because a job family illness
child care

[25:56] [Unknown] whatever

[25:58] [Phoebe] And the other couple kind of needs to
Reestablish that connection. They don’t want to play on that that night, but they’re like hey, let’s go to dinner
Let’s have some drinks and then we’ll go from there kind of

[26:10] [Ed] Prime the pump. Yeah, you get that spark going again
Have a little sexy conversation talk about what they’ve been doing
Lean heavy on the sexy
Right
Exactly the work and the kids and the
Right whatever right your health issues

[26:34] [Phoebe] Right because this is a vacation away from the normal. This is hey

[26:40] [Ed] Let me throw sexy thoughts at you and some of them are gonna stick, you know
Hey, we’ve got a small gathering in our room before the next party or
Here’s our phone number call us. We’ll get together
Or text us when you check in and then we can coordinate
Yeah, those are all really good things to kind of start the whole thing. Oh yeah, or hey, we’ve checked in

[27:09] [Phoebe] We’re gonna go get some dinner. Do you want to join us? Yeah, all of that we’re gonna hit the ball about or

[27:15] [Ed] I know there’s so many different ways to segway

[27:19] [Unknown] Uh-huh. Reel them in. Yeah, it’s a phishing x

[27:23] [Ed] Exercise a little bit. Yeah, you got to throw the lure out there. You got to
Yeah, bring it so none of you are in sales

[27:32] [Phoebe] Sales has this concept of filling the funnel, right? You just fill the funnel fill the funnel fill the funnel
Eventually things circle around circle around start to trickle down and eventually you get the content
But you’re always fishing fishing for the one
Fishing for the one fishing and eventually it’s a numbers game, right? Right or if you’re into, you know, Vegas

[27:55] [Unknown] gambling

[27:57] [Phoebe] Or eventually the art local, you know
Indian casino
It’s a numbers game. Yeah, eventually you win
And a casino they usually win, but you know

[28:11] [Ed] Yeah, don’t gamble. We’re not big gamblers now
But definitely take a risk with asking that couple out on their second day. Yes

[28:21] [Unknown] Again, be respectful

[28:25] [Phoebe] complimentary
direct and
confident
And you will find that you have some amazing results

[28:36] [Ed] Because if you had a good time and they had a good time
They may want to repeat that and it’s easy to ask for it

[28:45] [Unknown] You just got to have some confidence to do it exactly and if you’re

[28:51] [Phoebe] Don’t think if you don’t think you have a confidence remember
They can tell you make it
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