How Bad is Social Media For Your Swing Game?

[00:00] [Phoebe] and I get bit in real life.

[00:02] [Ed] It’ll be great.

[00:03] [Phoebe] You finally got invited because you had FOMO.
We can man walk around with it.

[00:07] [Unknown] It’s depending on the party.

[00:09] [Ed] Because it’s kind of addictive,
it actually has some of those downsides that addiction has.

[00:19] [Unknown] Hi everyone, I’m Phoebe.

[00:21] [Ed] And I’m Ed, and this is Swinger University,
but we are not in the studio.

[00:26] [Unknown] We are up in the mountains,

[00:28] [Ed] and we’re being attacked by flies,
so this should be quite interesting.

[00:34] [Unknown] Real nature happening right now.

[00:37] [Phoebe] Today we are talking about social media,
the effects of it on your regular life and your Swinger life,
and how do you get around all that?

[00:48] [Ed] And maybe some alternatives for better swinging experiences
when it comes to a biting fly.

[00:55] [Phoebe] He was huge.
He’ll get to see I have a spider web on my lip
and I get bit in real life.

[01:13] [Ed] That’ll be great.
Looking forward to it.
The upside of social media is that your brain releases dopamine,
which is great.
Makes you feel good, super energetic, and high.
The downside social media, though,
is that there are case studies which show
that there’s an increase in anxiety and depression
and even physical ailments.

[01:36] [Phoebe] Correct.
I remember when I was really stressed,
I had severe stomach issues.
I went to the doctor and they couldn’t figure out what it was
and they said, are you stressed out?
And I go, no, I’m not stressed out.
And then a few days later, I realized,
yeah, I’m really stressed out.

[01:51] [Unknown] So I resolved that pain went away.

[01:53] [Phoebe] It’s a real thing.

[01:55] [Ed] So let’s talk about dopamine a little bit.
I like dopamine.
What is it and how does it work?

[02:02] [Phoebe] It’s linked to pleasurable activities,
social interaction, food, sex.

[02:08] [Unknown] Right.

[02:10] [Ed] So as we interact with each other,
as we interact with other swingers,
as we interact with social media,
we get that dopamine release,
that feel good hormone gets released into our brain.
Our brain says, yes, I’ll have some more.

[02:28] [Phoebe] Is there still another upside?
Triggers the reward center?

[02:32] [Ed] Getting comments on your sexy pics
becomes addictive, why?
Because every time that happens,
it releases dopamine and your body goes,
okay, I want more of that,
which means that you have to do the thing that you did
in order to get that release.
So keep doing that thing.

[02:47] [Phoebe] Yeah, like 2D Tuesday,
Wednesday, hump day.

[02:51] [Ed] Man, meet Monday.

[02:54] [Phoebe] Each day of the week,
typically elicits a fun sexy pic
in your swinger chats.

[02:59] [Ed] Right.
And let’s be specific.
This isn’t just,
I’m going to use word Twitter.
This isn’t just Instagram.
This is any kind of social media interaction.
So it can be your telegram groups.
It can be your chat groups.
It could be that that forum on Reddit
that you post on a regular basis.
Or discord.
Yeah, it’s getting that feedback from other people
that’s triggering this response.
The downside of this is,
because it’s kind of addictive,
it actually has some of those downsides
that addiction has.
I must post until I get the comment.

[03:38] [Phoebe] And what also happens is,
without that affirmation,
you end up feeling down.
You end up feeling left out.
Maybe you get a sense of
fomo, if you’re not posting
and everyone else is posting,
then you feel like you have to start posting.
It’s kind of a catch-22.

[03:53] [Ed] There’s another aspect to this,
which is comparing yourself with others.
So Instagram is notorious for this.
And a lot of the studies have been
on teenagers and how their self-esteem
is basically weighed entirely
on social media and influencers
on whether or not they’re doing things.
And I think we’ve all fallen victim
to this to a certain degree.
Let’s start with some upsides
before we get into the downsides.
One, it can help you boost
your body image in self-esteem.
If you’re getting those positive comments
when you post your pictures,
the downside though,
if you’re not getting the positive comments,
or you feel like you’re not good enough,
as an example, you’re not getting as many likes,
or as followers,
as people who are in the same genre as you,
or in the same group as you.
If you’re in a big telegram group
and you post all the time
and nobody comments on your stuff,
you start to feel pretty bad
because you’re not getting the same response
that other people are getting.

[04:55] [Phoebe] Seeking validation.

[04:57] [Ed] Part of the posting process,
there’s a little little iteration for us.
You’re really seeking validation.
So by posting,
you’re hoping that that picture,
that lifestyle,
snippet,
that thing that you’re doing,
other people will recognize as being
cool, or hip, or sexy,
your self-worth becomes based entirely
on whether you’re being validated by other people,

[05:22] [Unknown] which is kind of unfortunate

[05:25] [Ed] and in many respects, very shallow.
And not a really good
evaluation of your self-worth,
because maybe somebody didn’t see the post,
and that’s why you didn’t get the comments.
To base your entire

[05:40] [Unknown] self-worth on that is kind of risky.

[05:44] [Phoebe] I agree.
A lot of people will get plastic surgery,
do fit-in, conform.
We all love plastic surgery.
We all love it.
Some people hate it.
I’m seeing people do it for
for very specific reasons.
I think a lot of people find great benefit
out of getting plastic surgery.
But I guess where the downside comes in
is when you get to that comparison place,
a few times when we’ve been at events,
and you have
different women in the same room,
say it’s an orgy event,
and I’ve had a couple of women express that they,
their boobs are too small,
because they’re looking around,
and they’re seeing sizes bigger than an A cup,
or sizes bigger than a B or a C.
We always say,
oh my god, no,
like we love that you’re different,
because you’re different,
and you aren’t us,
and you have something we don’t have.
It’s like a candy store, right?
Everyone’s unique,
and we love the variety.
That’s why we like swinging,
is because of that variety.
So I always feel a little sad when someone expresses that,
but I understand,
and I understand that the desire
to make some body modifications if you choose to do so.

[06:58] [Ed] And if you’re a driver for
kind of altering your body in some fashion,
is based on whether you’re getting likes or follows
on social media,
or whether people think your pics are sexy,
that’s probably not a good foundation
for making those kinds of decisions.
It’s risky,
and plastic surgery in and of itself
is also a risky thing.
It’s a surgical procedure,
and so it doesn’t come without some,
either A side effects,

[07:27] [Unknown] or B potential complications.

[07:30] [Ed] So it’s something to really seriously think about,
and not go into lightly,

[07:33] [Unknown] just because you don’t feel like you’re sexy

[07:37] [Ed] as the other people who are posting on social media.

[07:39] [Phoebe] The other downside with comparing yourself to others
is the avoiding dates,
avoiding going out with people,
because you’ve gained too much reading.
You gained 10 pounds or 20 pounds,
since the last time you saw them,

[07:53] [Unknown] and you’re not as confident anymore.

[07:57] [Phoebe] It happens, I’ve been there,

[07:58] [Unknown] and you turn down that date.

[08:02] [Phoebe] Maybe you see a social media post of them,
and they’ve lost a lot of weight,
and now you’re feeling even more subconscious.
I understand that,
and I understand wanting to feel good about your body
before having a play date with somebody.
I wouldn’t say,
force yourself to do that
if you’re not feeling comfortable in your body,
for sure, do what feels good to you,
but to turn down just a vanilla date,
even though you’re a swinger,

[08:31] [Unknown] you could still do that,
and I encourage you to do that,

[08:37] [Phoebe] even though it’s not a play date,
you can still connect with your show of your friends,
but please don’t just…

[08:42] [Ed] And I’ll add this, too.

[08:45] [Unknown] We’ve got friends who we’ve known for a number of years,

[08:52] [Ed] and our reason for going out with them on dates
has nothing to do with their physical appearance.
Sure, we find them sexy, et cetera, et cetera.
But for us, it’s that intellectual connection,
that emotional connection that we have to those people,
and it’s not about the physical,
and weight fluctuations happen.
We all go through periods of time.
COVID was horrible for a lot of us.
Right around the holidays,
we all put on a little bit of extra weight, et cetera, et cetera.
For those of you who don’t, congratulations, that’s awesome.

[09:26] [Unknown] But for everybody else, it happens.

[09:29] [Ed] We probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it
if we had gone out with that person,
they had gained a little bit of weight.
Either A, we wouldn’t have even noticed,
or if we had noticed,
it wouldn’t have affected our experience that night.
So, there you go.
In a sense, it’s all in your head.
And you’ve got to figure out how to quiet those voices somehow.
Speaking of quieting those inner voices,
let’s talk about FOMO a little bit
and how social media kind of inspires

[10:03] [Unknown] this sense of missing out.

[10:06] [Phoebe] Yeah, it’s a big driver.
It’s a big driver for events.
It’s a big driver for parties.
You want to be where everybody else is.
You’ve got this new, shiny experience.
It’s exciting.
You want to go do fun things with all the people.
And you want to be there.
You’ve found a new tribe.
And when you can’t financially,
or you’ve got kids, and they’re in school,
you don’t have childcare, right?
All the factors, there is some serious FOMO with that.
And it sucks.

[10:48] [Ed] They’re having these amazing experiences at desire,
or hedonism, or wherever they are that week.
And it’s week after week after week
of people posting these amazing,
getaways and adventures.
And not everybody is in the financial position
to be able to run off to

[11:06] [Unknown] an all-inclusive resort one to month.

[11:12] [Ed] We’re certainly not,
but we often feel like we’re missing out on something
because we can’t do that, you know?
We’d love to fly around the world
and see all of our friends all the time.
But have you been to an airport lately?

[11:26] [Phoebe] Or be on every cruise twice a year
and be at every resort,
although I’m not a resort person
every quarter four times a year.
Like, I just don’t have
$20,000 or $30,000 laying around.
I can go do that every year.

[11:43] [Ed] There’s another aspect of this
that we’ve heard about throughout the years
that we’ve been doing that.
And that’s the Swinger Toyset,
the Toy Collection.

[11:53] [Unknown] For example, almost all areas,

[11:56] [Ed] there’s a Swinger boat day.

[11:59] [Unknown] There’s a Swinger motor cycle ride.

[12:03] [Ed] There’s a Swinger RV camping thing.
And we know a number of couples
who have gone out and bought the boat
and bought the motorcycle and bought the RV or two.

[12:17] [Unknown] Just to be able to do those things

[12:20] [Ed] with those groups, when those groups do it.

[12:23] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[12:23] [Ed] And inevitably, we talk to them after the fact
because they felt like they were missing out
six months or a year later, they’re like,
oh yeah, we had to sell the boat
because we couldn’t afford to keep it.
Or we only used it once a year
or whatever.
I have a motorcycle sitting in the garage
that I won’t get rid of
because I’m afraid of missing out on something.
So, there you go.
It’s real and it happens.

[12:49] [Unknown] Yeah.

[12:50] [Phoebe] The other part of FOMO is missing out
on this new trend of getting invited to a special group.
There are, oh my gosh, about nine telegram groups in our area.
And you want to be in all of them.
You’re like, what’s that one?
Well, how come I’m not in this one?
Well, you want to be in all of them.
And trust me, when you’re in nine at the same time,
it’s impossible to keep up and work a full-time job.

[13:17] [Ed] It is a full-time job.

[13:18] [Phoebe] It is, honestly, a full-time job.
And what ends up happening is if you’re getting to the group late
because what happens is the group forms
because six to 10 people get together
and they loved the interaction.
They’re like, let’s just start a chat group.
And then they invite somebody.
And they invite somebody.
And they invite somebody, well, by the time you get up to 30, 40, 50 people
and you’re just coming in, you don’t know what’s going on at this point.
You’re way late to the game.
And they’ve all got there inside jokes.
Even though you finally got invited because you had FOMO
because you didn’t even know about the telegram groups,
then you get in the group.
Now you have FOMO when you’re in
because you know what the fuck everyone’s talking about.

[14:07] [Ed] Right.

[14:08] [Phoebe] It’s frustrating.
Really, the groups really work is
if you are on the ground floor of that group.

[14:14] [Ed] Right.
So we’ve talked about all the kind of the downsides
and the upsides of social media.

[14:19] [Unknown] And I kind of propose at the beginning

[14:22] [Ed] that there were some alternatives
for a more positive swinging experience.
And I think there’s a couple different aspects to this.
I think one aspect of it is
take social media for what it is.
It’s plastic, it’s fake,
and sure you can be inspired
by all these great, amazing vacations
and these luxury lifestyles
that everybody’s living.
And maybe it’s something to aspire to
or maybe it inspires you to, I don’t know,
work harder or save more or do something.
Maybe you save up for that one big trip each year.
If you can use that as a positive motivator, great.
But don’t let it get you down.
The other alternative to social media,
it’s to take the media portion out
and to just be more social.
So get out, talk to real people,
go to real events, have face-to-face conversations
and engage with people.
A, you’re going to have a much better experience.
You don’t have to keep up
because you’re right there.
You’re present and everybody talks about
being mindful and present in life.
And the best way to do that
is to actually be part of life.
If you’re absorbing life
through a five-inch screen and scrolling,
you’re missing out on some key,
amazing, sexy interactions with real people.
And who knows?
Maybe that interaction turns into something
even more fun.
But you’re not going to get that through your phone
and you’re not going to get that through social media.
So get out there and actually talk to real people.
Put the phone down.
And unless it’s to like call them and say,
hey, let’s get together.
But take it in smaller doses.
Heck, you could even look at,
Apple has this great screen time metric
that you can look at how much time
you’re spending on your screen each week.
And you know what?
Try and tailor some of that back.
Try and spend some of that time
actually calling and having a phone conversation

[16:36] [Unknown] or a FaceTime conversation with real people.

[16:39] [Ed] I don’t know where that went,
but it flew right through there.
We’ve set up regular FaceTime calls
with some of our really close friends.
So even though there are 3,000 miles away,
they’re on the other side of the country,
we can still kind of feel like
we’re having a face-to-face conversation with them
and engaging with them.
And honestly,
we get more out of that than we do out of the social media,
especially the stuff that we do for Swinger University,
social media for that.
Really, it’s just publicity.
And we could do a whole episode on our FOMO
in terms of publishing the podcast
and having social media
and the number of followers that we have.
I mean, we have serious FOMO
and we try to talk ourselves out of it all the time.
We always feel like we’re less than everybody else.
And it drives us, it drives us nuts,
but we try to like take a step back from it
and go, you know what?
We’re doing this because we enjoy it
and because the people who watch us
enjoy what we do,
and that’s why we do it.
So…

[17:45] [Phoebe] And we get a lot of positive feedback.

[17:48] [Ed] We do.

[17:48] [Phoebe] We get a lot of positive feedback.
When we are in person with people,
they come up to us often.
And honestly, we rarely get any negative comments.
I mean, I like, I could count them on one hand
since we’ve been doing it.

[18:04] [Unknown] Yeah.

[18:04] [Phoebe] So I am thankful for that.

[18:07] [Ed] We’re either extremely lucky

[18:09] [Unknown] or we’ve had a good impact on a lot of people.

[18:14] [Ed] So there you go.

[18:15] [Phoebe] There you go.

[18:16] [Ed] In wrap-up, we could all use a break from social media.

[18:22] [Phoebe] This is our break from social media.
We don’t have no access to anything.
That’s it.
Three.

[18:30] [Ed] This thing is the only technology
that we have with us out here backpacking,
so to speak.
And we have no internet connection.
It’s amazing.

[18:41] [Phoebe] Three glorious nights with no nothing.

[18:46] [Ed] Right.
Give yourself a break
and pull yourself away from social media,
occasionally.
Seek real life connections with other couples.
Those face-to-face conversations,
those group interactions,

[18:59] [Unknown] those funny stories

[19:03] [Ed] that you’re all sharing together.
Those are the real interactions
and those are the ones
that you really want to strive for anyway.
And guess what?
People like talking to you at parties.
That’s better validation than some button
that somebody pushed on the screen
because they happen to see your post
and they happen to be in the mood to like things.
Having a good positive interaction
with a real human being face-to-face
way better affirmation
of whether you’re a likable person or not.

[19:32] [Phoebe] And honestly, I’m going to remember you more
with we’re having a face-to-face conversation
than your boob pick

[19:40] [Unknown] because I usually the boob pick

[19:42] [Phoebe] doesn’t match the face
and I don’t know whose boobs I’m looking at.
So…

[19:46] [Unknown] Right.

[19:47] [Phoebe] If your boobs aren’t out at a party
and I don’t recognize them.

[19:52] [Ed] That may also be a good solution
though to a different problem
having your boobs out at a party.

[19:56] [Phoebe] Having your boobs out at a party?
Yeah.
Then we would recognize these people.

[19:59] [Ed] Right.
So…

[20:00] [Phoebe] It would be so much easier.

[20:01] [Ed] If you post boobs all the time
and you’re at a party,
clearly you just need to walk around
with your boobs out.

[20:07] [Phoebe] There you go.
Can men walk around with their dick out?

[20:11] [Ed] It’s depending on the party.
Where it is, sure.
As long as nobody objects.

[20:15] [Phoebe] They do that at our New Districts Art.

[20:18] [Unknown] I mean, at some point in the evening,

[20:20] [Ed] I usually end up wandering around like that.
So there you have it.
Thanks for tuning in.
We appreciate you joining our community
and if you’re interested
in more spicy content,
please check out our Patreon
at patreon.com forward slash
Swinger University.
You check out our website
at SwingerUniversity.com.

[20:39] [Unknown] And if you have a great story,

[20:43] [Ed] we’d love to hear your story
or if you just want to leave us
affirmations and positive feels,
you certainly can.
We have a voicemail
and we’d love to hear from you.
We don’t get nearly as much voicemail
as we would like,
except for those spam calls.
I get a lot of those.
916-538-0482
or email us at SwingerUniversity.com.
Love to hear from you.
So reach out and touch someone.
Keep learning, keep growing,

[21:13] [Unknown] and keep it sexy.

[21:19] [Ed] And we also are convinced
that there are some alternatives
for better swinging experiences
than social media.

[21:27] [Phoebe] Yes.

[21:32] [Ed] Do you want to re-record this?

[21:34] [Phoebe] Just re-record it.

[21:35] [Ed] Okay, I will try.

[21:37] [Phoebe] It’s just a hot mess.
And you can use some of this as B-roll.

[21:41] [Ed] That’s the A.

[21:43] [Phoebe] We’re only three minutes in.
I know.

[21:46] [Ed] Oh, one last thing before you go.
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