Fantasy vs. Reality in the Swinger Lifestyle

[00:02] [Guest] Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program.
Bringing you sexy lessons for sexy fun.
Here are your hosts, Ed and Phoebe.

[00:20] [Ed] Hi, this is Ed.

[00:22] [Guest] And this is Phoebe.

[00:23] [Ed] Today we’re talking about your perception of a couple or event.
Does your fantasy match reality?
Typically how you think it’s going to go doesn’t.
Sometimes it’s even better.

[00:41] [Phoebe] So you got all dressed up and met the other couple or went to an event and didn’t have that level 10 experience.
Well, you can count on that.
But what you can count on is having a good time with your partner experiencing some sexy conversation and seeing all kinds of sexy stuff.
Generally you will experience a blanket of sexiness or that sexy vibe, especially at events.
We’re going to break it down into different types of sexual experiences.
You’re going to have your orgasms, your orgies and types of people and situations.

[01:39] [Ed] I like the first two already.

[01:42] [Unknown] Right, right, orgasms.

[01:46] [Phoebe] I will also say you won’t always have an orgasm.

[01:52] [Ed] That’s true.
And it’s interesting because that’s actually come up with some of our recent play partners who were convinced that that was the whole point of swinging.
We’re going to have crazy orgasms all the time, right?
That’s the purpose, right?

[02:08] [Phoebe] Yeah, even after our play session, she’s like, oh, but I didn’t have an orgasm.

[02:15] [Ed] Yeah, it usually doesn’t happen.

[02:20] [Phoebe] She’s like, oh my god, I thought that was the whole point.
So in fact, we don’t, as we said, typically see this in playrooms or small hotel orges.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.

[02:32] [Unknown] There’s just so many sexy and pleasurable acts going on that we’re going to break it down.

[02:40] [Phoebe] Like why this happens.

[02:42] [Ed] Right, why no orgasm?
Yeah.
Because you’d think that swinging was like the place to go to just have random orgasms with random people.
Right?
But I know.
There’s a lot of really good reasons why that’s not actually going to happen.
Right.
Mostly not.

[03:04] [Phoebe] Right.

[03:05] [Ed] Nothing, it can’t.

[03:07] [Phoebe] That’s everyone right now is like, well, then what’s the whole point?
I know.

[03:12] [Ed] I just heard everybody just turn off their iPods and their iPhones.
They’re like, oh, screw this.
We’re out of here.
We’re out.
What?

[03:19] [Unknown] What the?
All right.

[03:22] [Phoebe] In fact, a side note when the, oh my gosh, many, many, many people, it would not have been hundreds,
but many, many, many people that we talked to that have gone to the resorts, all inclusive resorts,

[03:38] [Unknown] land resorts, not like the floating resort that we’re going to.

[03:42] [Phoebe] Oh, wow.
They say that a lot of times they don’t even play with other people.
They just go to have fun and be naked and do sexy things and flirt and, yeah.
And I’m like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[03:59] [Unknown] You just spent $68,000 for a week to flirt with people to be naked and flirt.

[04:07] [Phoebe] Wait, I can do that at my local nudist resort for 60 bucks a day.

[04:12] [Ed] Yeah, or a bar with a $10 cover charge.

[04:15] [Phoebe] Oh, yeah.
The bars around here?
Oh, yeah.

[04:18] [Ed] Oh, yeah.
You can go flirt with all kinds of people.

[04:20] [Phoebe] Oh, yeah.
Bump and grind on people.
Vanilla hunting.
Vanilla hunting.

[04:24] [Unknown] I know.

[04:25] [Ed] Just whatever.
All right.

[04:27] [Unknown] Okay.

[04:28] [Phoebe] Well, that was a side note.
Okay.
Back to orgasms.

[04:32] [Unknown] Hmm.

[04:33] [Phoebe] Some of the reasons why, if you’re curious, go for it Ed.

[04:38] [Ed] Well, the first time you have sex with somebody, it’s essentially a one night stand.
I don’t know how many people who are listening have actually had one night stands before.

[04:48] [Unknown] But it’s kind of random.

[04:52] [Ed] The person you’re with is not going to necessarily be very good.
They don’t know where your buttons are.
They’re too rough.

[05:02] [Phoebe] They don’t listen.

[05:04] [Ed] The pace is wrong.
The timing is wrong.
It’s just wrong.
Like, in so many different ways, it’s just wrong.
It’s fun.
It’s fun.

[05:13] [Phoebe] It’s fun.
It’s fun.
And exciting.
You’re like, ooh.
You had to touch this new hot guy.
He feels so good.

[05:19] [Unknown] I get to rub my body all over him.

[05:20] [Ed] And he was a, you know, one pump chomp.
Right.
Or he did the hammer time.

[05:25] [Phoebe] Right.
Wait, wait, wait.

[05:27] [Unknown] What are you doing?

[05:30] [Ed] I’m done.
It’s like a race to the finish.
No.
So, the orgasm is rarely good the first time.
Why?
Well, like what we’ve been saying.
Yeah.
Basic, usag.
You don’t get the rhythm down.
And really orgasm, sex, it’s all about having a dance partner.
Somebody who’s not going to step on your toes but like get into a rhythm with you.
Someone’s going to lead and someone’s going to follow.

[06:01] [Unknown] And there’s a progression.

[06:04] [Ed] You kind of build up to it.
Mm-hmm.
But getting that the first time, remember this is the first time you’re probably having
sex with this person, probably not going to happen.

[06:15] [Phoebe] Mm-hmm.
And there’s a lot of sensuality and foreplay and build up.
Sure.
There’s different from a one night stand.
Right.
And this is why we like kissing in the lifestyle because it adds to that experience.
It is like foreplay and a build up.
So, it adds a different level of experience when you get down to the sex part.

[06:44] [Ed] Well, and a massive difference between a one night stand, it’s a blind date.
You’ve never met this person.
You think they’re hot.
You get them into their bedroom and it’s not hot.
When you’re at a swinging event, you have your spouse or your partner with you.
You’ve got a backup plan and you’re in it together.
So, the flirting aspect, everything kind of gets amped up a little bit.
So, you don’t have that nervous stuff going on that you would with like a one night stand
or a first date because you have a partner who’s with you going through the experience.
So, it is different.
Right.
You’ve got a lot more opportunity for build up and flirting and sexual tension

[07:33] [Unknown] because your spouse or your partner is sitting right next to you going through it with you

[07:39] [Ed] which is pretty fricking hot.

[07:41] [Phoebe] Right.
Right.
Orgis is the next one.

[07:46] [Ed] Got to love an orgy.

[07:50] [Unknown] We love orgis.

[07:52] [Phoebe] We do.
And our first orgy, it was not, I don’t know if anyone had an orgasm there on the bed.
It was a hotel room.
It would have probably, oh gosh, 20-30 people standing around.
There was a bed of about six to ten people on it, a bunch of women.
I happened to be on my period so I didn’t take my bottoms off at all.
But found myself on the bed and some lady was stroking my hair and someone was caressing my nipples
and someone was stroking my legs while someone was fucking in a chair off the side.
People are standing in the room watching.
It was this just sea of sexy, warm bodies floating over.
Right.

[08:44] [Ed] It’s the puppy pile.
And it was a soft swap orgy.
Yes.
And some people, if you disagree with that actually qualifying as an orgy,
find email us, complain all you want about it.
We’d love to hear your complaints about that.
But it was fantastic to just have so many bodies experiencing sexual pleasure.
Even though it was only oral and touching and what not.
It was our first experience, so obviously it was super hot for us.
Yes.
But it was hot.
It was hot.
Like if we went back today and had that same experience that same night,
we were to like go back in time and like relive that experience knowing what we know now.
Yeah.

[09:39] [Unknown] It still be fucking hot.
It’s a matter of fact.

[09:42] [Ed] I’d love to go back to that night because it was fucking hot.
And I want to know who Marianne was because we never got to experience hurry.
Oh, yeah.

[09:51] [Phoebe] I know.
We never saw them again.
Oh, it’s a fake name.
It’s a fake name.
But yeah, we didn’t get their names.
We had to assign a name.

[09:58] [Ed] And you picture Marianne from Gilligan’s Island, right?
Like super wholesome, prunette, super cute.
So many things about that night.
We’re amazing.

[10:11] [Phoebe] And you know, people tend to get off on the mood in the room.
And if you venture into a play room,
you typically can watch for all that visual excitement,
the sounds, and the smell of sex.

[10:26] [Unknown] So.

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[11:30] [Unknown] Not everybody’s into that.

[11:37] [Ed] It’s interesting how many people we’ve run across
who don’t like to be, quote, seen in public.
Right.
But it’s more like the exhibitionist side.
Some people just don’t have that.
They like to be private, close the door.
It’s a matter of fact, the last party we were at this last weekend,
that there were two couples.
And they were both like, well, let’s go into this room and we’ll close the door.
And we’re like, what?
Can’t we do it on the dining room table so like everybody can watch?
Right.
That’s hot for us.

[12:14] [Phoebe] Right. Right.
So if you get a couple that their preference is to be in private
and you are in a larger playroom,
they’re not going to feel comfortable, you know,
more gathering in front of others.
And they’ll be a little more restricted connect.
Right.

[12:31] [Ed] And the chance for orgy goes way down if they like to play in private
because you’d have to have enough people.
I guess the question is, what’s private?
What’s the threshold for private?
Because if there’s four or six couples in a room,
is that still private?
Because eight couples aren’t watching?
In other words, like what?
What’s the private line?

[12:54] [Phoebe] Right. Right. Right.
Types of people.
A lot of times we were surprised by how much fun we have
with a different types of people that we didn’t even think to play with.

[13:07] [Unknown] Right.

[13:08] [Phoebe] And you interact with those individuals and they become sexy.
We’ve talked about this many, many times.
Their conversation is sexy.
Their personality becomes sexy.
The way they carry themselves, whatever they say.
The way they flirt with you becomes.
Their confidence is sexy.

[13:24] [Ed] Yeah.
Or just the simple fact that they’re a couple on a bed at the same time
as you orgasming or having a good time.

[13:35] [Unknown] Right next to you.

[13:36] [Phoebe] That’s fucking hot.

[13:37] [Ed] Fucking hot.

[13:38] [Phoebe] I know. I stole your line.

[13:40] [Ed] Yeah.

[13:41] [Phoebe] It’s because it’s fucking hot.

[13:43] [Ed] It is fucking hot.
And we’ve been in many a play room and had just a random couple
either on the next bed or on the same bed as us.
We’re like, hey, there’s room here.
Do you mind if we share?
No. Good.
You know.
Right.

[13:59] [Unknown] Cabasquat.

[14:00] [Ed] And they sit down and next thing you know.
Tastes are flying.

[14:07] [Unknown] Dicks are out.
Everybody’s having a good time.

[14:10] [Ed] It’s just hot.
And people have sex. Right.
And the differences are fun.

[14:16] [Phoebe] You know, body hair, size, snatcher, muscles.
All the contrasts.
It’s all a big sensual buffet.
We engaged in a play session in an after party.
Borgie.
There was an Indian guy I got to play with.
And it was fabulous.

[14:39] [Ed] He was super like long hair.
I know it was hair.
He was very like.

[14:43] [Unknown] Awesome.

[14:45] [Ed] I know.
I know.
Kind of a vibe to him.
He was super cool.

[14:49] [Phoebe] Yeah.
And he came in the room.
We didn’t get a chance to meet him earlier.
He came in the room.
I got a chance to talk with him.
Kiss him.
Oh yeah.
It was freaking hot.
It was so much fun.
I was like, oh my god.
I just had sex with somebody different.
That’s really, really fun.

[15:04] [Ed] Yeah.
Never experienced that before.
No.
I never got to experience that.

[15:08] [Phoebe] It was really awesome.
And then New Year’s.
We were being.
We were being pursued heavily by this very young couple.
And I was like, oh, they’re pretty young.
And I was like, do I do I need to.

[15:23] [Unknown] This couple was pursuing us heavily.

[15:37] [Phoebe] And we were a little on the fence because they were so young.

[15:41] [Unknown] Kind of outside of our age window, so to speak.

[15:45] [Phoebe] And because she was so persistent.
She’d be like room number one, two, three, four, right?
You got it, right?
Say it out loud.
What’s our room number?
One, two, three, four.
Okay, great.
Should I write it on your arm?
Like she.
Like.
She really wanted it.
She really wanted it.
Yeah.
So we went.
We went.
And you know.

[16:08] [Ed] And we weren’t.
We were expecting.

[16:11] [Unknown] I don’t know what.

[16:13] [Ed] But we were expecting something.

[16:14] [Phoebe] I was expecting them to be.

[16:17] [Unknown] New.

[16:20] [Phoebe] Inexperienced.
Right?
We hadn’t had that real conversation.
Right.
But it didn’t really matter because she was all over me.
And.
And the girls started off the party.
And we had a lot of fun.
And we.
We.
We ended up.
Of course, contacting tried to contact them later.
And they were just.
I don’t know.
They split up.
Who knows.

[16:44] [Ed] We got ghosted.
Yeah.
We got ghosted.
They.
They checked their box.
They got to do the.
And the.
Yeah.
And.
We checked their box for them.
And.
Off they went.

[16:56] [Phoebe] Yeah.
So.
So you’re.
You’re hearing a theme here where.
There’s.
There’s types of people that you wouldn’t maybe have considered playing with.
But you’re in the right situation.
And you do.
But.
Because of whatever physical attributes that you think you may or may not like.
Or.
Or ages that you may or may not.
You know.
And.
And.
And then.

[17:20] [Ed] It’s.
It’s that.
I have a type.
Definition.
Right.
And I’ve.
I gave up types a long time ago.
Yes.
Like I just don’t have types anymore.
I have a range.
Yes.
Very wide.
But it is a range.

[17:36] [Unknown] Yeah.
But even then.

[17:39] [Ed] Sometimes, you know, things bump outside that range.
Sure.
Because.
At the moment.

[17:45] [Phoebe] At the moment.
And at the time.

[17:47] [Ed] It’s fucking hot.
Yeah.
So what are you going to do?
Exactly.

[17:51] [Unknown] I’m going to draw my pants.

[17:52] [Phoebe] And here’s the last example of a type that you would never expect.
Oh my gosh.
So we were on a bliss cruise two, three years ago.
Two singles came on to the ship.
They shared a room.
And one of the singles was a.
Was a gay man.
Right.
Share the room with his.
His other friend who’s a girl.
So we.
We meet them.
They want to go to the playroom.
Well, I didn’t know he was gay.
They didn’t.

[18:20] [Ed] They didn’t disclose that.

[18:22] [Phoebe] They didn’t.
I mean, they did say they were two singles playing together.
And I was like, okay.
So.
So he and I have sex.
And then.

[18:30] [Unknown] He goes.

[18:31] [Phoebe] Oh, then we kept in touch.
And in a.
In a text.
Oh.
She disclosed to me later that evening.
That.
He was really nervous about having sex with me because he’s gay.
And he hasn’t had sex with a woman a while.

[18:47] [Unknown] And I was like, what?

[18:48] [Ed] What?
Dun-dun-dun.

[18:50] [Phoebe] Of course, after I’ve had sex with him, I was like, well,
the sex was really good.
And she’s like, oh, was I go, uh, yeah, was really good.
It was really.
Oh, okay.
I have to tell him.
I mean, he was really nervous and being self-conscious.
And I was like, what?

[19:03] [Ed] Yeah, they were.
They were a fun couple.
They were so fun.

[19:06] [Phoebe] To this day, we still say in touch.
And he’s like, I might just have to have some non-gay sex again.
Because that was the best non-gay sex ever.

[19:15] [Ed] Which is so funny.
I don’t even know how to process that other than,
I know I enjoy having sex with you.
So, you know, I’m biased.
But like, what is that even?

[19:31] [Unknown] I know.

[19:32] [Ed] Apparently it’s a thing.

[19:34] [Phoebe] I guess it’s a thing.
I don’t know.
It was so fun.
So again, you know, types of people, types of situations.
And then, moving into types of situations.

[19:45] [Unknown] Right.

[19:46] [Phoebe] Where maybe, maybe, well, let’s just say,
I’m a slow warmer to oral sex.
Yes.
Yes.
There’s a very specific technique, a very specific process, etc.

[20:07] [Ed] You have to be mentally prepared for it because.
Yeah, you need to be the Yoda.

[20:12] [Phoebe] I’m very, very sensitive.
And if you attack it, she screams.

[20:17] [Guest] So, we go to a bar with a bunch of swingers.

[20:23] [Phoebe] We all have a good time.
We go back to somebody’s house.
Their house, maybe it was their house.
People are in the kitchen.
People are in the living room.
Chits going down.
The owners of the house, the couple,
two backpacker couple, I think she was a redhead.
Who we’ve never hooked up with again.
Why?
Because they’re out of the lifestyle.
Ah!

[20:46] [Unknown] It’s crazy.

[20:48] [Phoebe] It’s crazy.

[20:49] [Ed] Anyway.

[20:50] [Phoebe] That was the best oral ever on the couch in the living room
in front of everybody, which is not my normal mo.
I’m not like a blah, much of an exhibitionist.
But something that he did,
which I have later explained to Ed,
and now Ed, as has worked in his repertoire of oral,
which I love.

[21:11] [Ed] I take good notes.

[21:12] [Phoebe] Yes.
Oh my gosh.
I was literally, you guys.
I was literally taking notes.
I was like, okay, he’s licking me this way.
He’s like, I think it’s a flat tongue.

[21:22] [Unknown] Oh.

[21:23] [Phoebe] Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, focus on the technique.
No, focus on the pleasure.
Wait, focus on the technique.
Oh my god.
Trying to take notes for Ed.
Trying to focus on my own pleasure.

[21:33] [Ed] Feeding is having 69 in her own mind.

[21:36] [Phoebe] Yes, I was.
It was a torture.
But I learned some of the techniques
that I brought them back home.

[21:43] [Ed] Yeah.
And you have instructed many who have followed
in that, in said technique,
just for your very specific pussy,
which brings you back to the first point
that we made about orgasms.
And it’s like everybody’s a little different
and that specific technique worked for you,
but it may not work for other people.

[22:05] [Phoebe] Right.
Right.
It’s probably one in a hundred.
You know, I mean, something about it just worked.

[22:15] [Ed] What’s this one?

[22:17] [Phoebe] Sitting on the couch with two women touching me at breakfast.
This must have been early on.

[22:23] [Ed] Do tell.

[22:24] [Phoebe] I know.
You know what?
I don’t remember.
But I had it in here.

[22:29] [Ed] I want to be sitting on a couch with two women
eating breakfast.

[22:35] [Unknown] This may have been in Reno.

[22:40] [Phoebe] But who expects to be touched by two people
in a public place at breakfast?
Yeah.

[22:49] [Ed] I expect it all the time.
It doesn’t happen very often,
if ever.
But I hope that it does all the time.

[22:58] [Unknown] I’m sorry.

[23:00] [Phoebe] I don’t have the best example for that for you guys.
But it is a type of situation once again
that you don’t expect you’re going to be in.
So you’re going to have expectations to get something.
And then you’re going to be in situations where
you’re going to get something that you didn’t expect
and vice versa, as far as I’m basically trying to say.

[23:23] [Ed] The surprise experience.
Yeah.

[23:26] [Phoebe] Yeah.

[23:27] [Ed] And we’ve had a number of those kind of surprise experiences
where we didn’t expect anything to happen.
Right.
But the situation was just right.
The situation, the people, the mood, the conversation
kind of led to something being really hot at the time.

[23:47] [Phoebe] Right.
And I think, again, once again,
coming back to the orgasms at the very beginning
that we were talking about,
it’s okay to have expectations,
but just know that, you know,
you’re not always going to have that orgasmic experience
in every situation or with every person.

[24:08] [Ed] Right.
Yeah, fireworks don’t always happen.

[24:11] [Phoebe] It really doesn’t matter.
I mean, the experience is so much more than that.
It’s pretty great.

[24:19] [Ed] Yeah.
And you learn to take something from it,
even if you don’t have that big O at the end.
Yeah.
It’s more the experience.
I mean, you got to think about this.
You’re pretty greedy if you expect to get an orgasm
when you just had sex with six random people on a bed.

[24:39] [Unknown] Take it as a win.

[24:42] [Ed] You just had sex with six random people.
That’s pretty freaking hot.
Like the orgasm would just be,
that’s just greedy at that point.
Right.

[24:54] [Phoebe] Is it?
No, no, no.

[24:56] [Unknown] I don’t know.

[24:57] [Ed] It’s not.
You can hope to have an orgasm.
I’m just saying,
I enjoy the experience of just having that experience.
Yeah.
Being in that environment, having those sexy conversations, flirting,
and kind of just getting to do things that most people,
quote, normal people, vanilla people,
just don’t ever get the chance to have.

[25:24] [Phoebe] Yeah.
You’re having,
you’re experiencing your sexuality in a completely different way.
Right.
That is really fun.

[25:33] [Ed] We, a boring swinger event,
boring swinger night,
is 10 times more exciting than what half the people do
in their straight missionary once a week,
15 minutes,
because it’s required of them sex.

[25:49] [Unknown] Yeah.

[25:50] [Ed] You get to like dance around half naked and flirt with anybody
and your spouse isn’t, you know,
hitting you because you looked at her butt.
Right.
We got to count this as a win, folks.
I’m just saying.

[26:03] [Unknown] Exactly.

[26:04] [Phoebe] It’s hard to even think back to that.

[26:07] [Unknown] I know.

[26:08] [Ed] We’ve come so far.

[26:10] [Phoebe] You’ve come so far.
Not that you and I have ever had that.
No.
But that very close-minded perspective
of what should and shouldn’t be done in the bedroom,
what you should and shouldn’t do as a couple.
What you should and shouldn’t do in public.
Yeah.
All that.

[26:28] [Unknown] All that bullshit.

[26:31] [Phoebe] All right, everyone, in closing,
as you’ve heard,
your experiences will vary in new situations.
Feel free to embrace the unknown,
experiment with your sexuality,
and above all, be safe.

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[27:38] [Unknown] your horizontal enrichment podcast.

[27:54] [Ed] Oh, one last thing before you go.
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