Swinger Dating vs. Hit & Quit

[00:03] [Guest] Welcome to Swinger University, your horizontal enrichment program
Bringing you an educational podcast without swinging
Here are your hosts

[00:18] [Unknown] Ed and Phoebe

[00:23] [Phoebe] Today we’re talking about dating versus hit and quit
Which do you prefer?

[00:30] [Ed] We decided to talk about this topic today because we just got back from a date last night and we thought it was
Kind of timely
So we’re going to talk about a couple different aspects of dating and
Kind of couple on couple experiences instead of the usual
giant group orgy thing that happens at hotel parties. This is more of a

[00:59] [Unknown] double date

[01:01] [Phoebe] intimate one on one or couple on couple

[01:05] [Unknown] well

[01:09] [Phoebe] Okay, so dating

[01:11] [Ed] What are some of the advantages? Oh, yeah, they’re there are definite advantages
One of them is you build this long-term
rapport
with this
Other couple hopefully hopefully there’s this better connection this
You know once you get past that initial getting to know you phase that
That kind of awkward first date phase

[01:42] [Unknown] then

[01:45] [Ed] You really kind of get this
sex of the mind you get this
Almost for play because you can anticipate
What they’re into because you’ve been with them before exactly
And as we know familiarity equals better sex

[02:06] [Unknown] Definitely

[02:08] [Ed] It’s it’s not that one night hookup where
They’re fumbling and you’re fumbling and nobody knows what’s going on

[02:15] [Phoebe] It’s just don’t really care because you’re too drunk and it’s a warm body and there you go

[02:24] [Ed] This is definitely more of a friends with benefits kind of long-term thing

[02:28] [Unknown] Mm-hmm the other advantages

[02:32] [Phoebe] If you are
Having that couple over to your house you’ve got a more intimate setting

[02:40] [Unknown] You’ve

[02:41] [Phoebe] created the mood with
nice lighting and some music maybe some fun smells
And it’s fun to get all those pieces together in anticipation
You have some drinks or some
food and snacks
It’s always a really nice
way to
build up that
moment

[03:08] [Ed] Yeah, you’ve you’ve established this connection you’ve established this
Sense of who they are and what they like and so you can kind of
build up the evening for that encounter
Mm-hmm kind of fun exactly
So we’ve also got some tips for success
With dating couples and we’re going to go through these quickly because these are covered
basically in the whole podcast throughout
All of our episodes, but it’s good to kind of refresh these and have them in the front of your mind
Good thinking
So
First thing if you’re going to date a couple and you’re you’re trolling on the sites to find
that next couple

[03:55] [Phoebe] Pictures of both partners. Oh come on now Ed both partners really both partners do not hide your husband bring him out

[04:04] [Ed] He likes to see the sun sometimes. It’s important that he gets his
vitamin E every once in a while and gets that sunshine
Take a picture of the poor guy and share him with the world

[04:18] [Unknown] poor dude

[04:20] [Ed] Contact them ahead to confirm that both people are real

[04:26] [Phoebe] Yes
Could be fakes could be posters could be you know
Single men single women who knows just people trolling for photos

[04:36] [Ed] Yeah, so
If you’re going to set something up with them have a little bit of conversation with them to make sure that they’re real

[04:43] [Unknown] Absolutely

[04:44] [Ed] Although one of our next tips will kind of
Do some risk mitigation and that is schedule a short drink date yep

[04:58] [Unknown] so

[04:59] [Ed] Don’t plan for many hours plan for you know an hour or two
To just go meet these people and have some conversation over a few frosty beverages
It’s not a two-hour multi-course meal. You’re not stuck there. You’re not getting stuck with a bill
And if they don’t show up you just have a drink with your your partner and
Dancer go home

[05:28] [Unknown] But short drink date

[05:30] [Ed] It’s also in a public place for those people who are a little safety concerned

[05:35] [Phoebe] Preferably noisy good atmosphere
You don’t want too many people overhearing your conversation right and have a have a nice backup plan in case the date
doesn’t go well
Then you and your partner can either meet another couple or go have a good time yourself exactly
Hence the exit strategy

[06:01] [Ed] Right expect to be able to
Or have a plan for
Getting out or just ending the date gracefully. Yes, sometimes you just don’t hit it off and so figure out a way to say
It was really nice meeting you both and we’re going to go now

[06:19] [Unknown] yeah

[06:23] [Ed] And the last thing is if the date’s going really well
Have a signal with your partner or
Excuse yourself for a minute to have a quiet conversation and get on the same page as to whether
Are you going to fuck on the first date or not?
Some people do some people don’t
But hey if you’ve really hit it off with somebody the chemistry is there sparks are flying
Maybe you just go to the next level exactly
But you got to be able to have the conversation and one person shouldn’t commit for the for the other

[07:04] [Unknown] Yes

[07:05] [Phoebe] Your exit strategy could be to just say you know, we don’t fuck on the first date
And then you know people know that there’s no pressure. There’s no expectation because
I don’t know probably nine out of ten times that’s not going to happen
And some couples have that
Strategy anyway no matter
How good they get along because it takes them time to
Step out of that situation and think about it and regroup

[07:36] [Ed] Process those feelings make sure that you’re all on same page. Maybe they notice something that you didn’t right you get that
Time away from the spur of the moment to make a decision. Yes
It’s safe

[07:51] [Unknown] Yeah

[07:53] [Ed] Not quite as exciting or fun

[07:56] [Phoebe] But sometimes jumping all into quick
you don’t
Have that perspective and then later on you kind of regret a little bit or you’re in an awkward situation where you feel
less confidence saying
How you feel and you and maybe you end up taking
One for the team and it that doesn’t always go well

[08:22] [Unknown] Well for some people it goes well, but depends on your everyone depends on what kind of a

[08:29] [Phoebe] It’s on your perspective. Yeah, how it works for you

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[09:39] [Ed] So we open saying that we went on a date last night and this is actually a pretty cool story
We’d met this couple online through SLS and they contacted us
And sent us a kick message and we’d been exchanging information and
This was before the Halloween party that they contacted us and so
They wanted to have some good conversation to kind of get to know us and we’re a little afraid that the Halloween party was gonna be
Not conducive to having those kinds of conversations, right? So
They had some stuff come up. I think there was a birthday party the same day
And it just wasn’t gonna work out to to do Halloween and that other thing all the same time
So we’d said what about the weekend after what do you have going on work for them work for us
This lady had
reservations a time the date all of it figured out coordinated with me

[10:46] [Phoebe] Weeks in advance. Oh, yeah, she was on it. It was like
She was a messing around this date. Yes

[10:54] [Ed] How do you have a favorite restaurant? Yes, so close great. We’re going there boom boom boom. Boom. Everything was set
She yep message me back

[11:04] [Unknown] Baby sitter scheduled bam. Yeah, two weeks like

[11:09] [Ed] This is so unusual. We’ve never met anyone
This on the wall just

[11:17] [Phoebe] Just dialed. We didn’t know what to do. We’re like what?
What’s happening now?

[11:23] [Unknown] Hell just froze over a non flaky swinger

[11:33] [Ed] so last night

[11:35] [Unknown] we

[11:37] [Ed] Get ready for the date

[11:39] [Unknown] primping and pruning and
cleaning and all that

[11:45] [Ed] and
We get a kick message

[11:49] [Unknown] that

[11:50] [Ed] PG&E in their infinite wisdom decided to kill the power where they lived
So here we are thinking there’s date
But they don’t have any power
Needless to say they said oh, we’re still coming
Can you believe us? They’re like we’ve got to make some changes because
You know, there’s no power at the house, but
We’re going to be there and I gave them an out. I said hey, you know
Totally get it if that’s not going to work out

[12:25] [Unknown] And if you need to push it back just just let me know yeah

[12:30] [Ed] But 20 minutes later text back and say 730 instead of 630 it’ll be great perfect
Like yeah, no problem. Mm-hmm
We decided to go a little bit early to kind of snack a little bit kind of take off the hunger
And 730 low and behold they walk through the door
We get our table we get drinks
We have a fantastic conversation
Everybody’s just
Gelling it’s just great

[13:09] [Unknown] Yes

[13:11] [Phoebe] Remind me
You know what I’m just going to interject right here
This woman was so motivated
she
Had
Her husband plug her curling iron into his truck because he had some sort of converter thing
Yes, so she’s outside
With the truck with her mirror perched on a rock curling her head
With her phone flashlight that’s how motivated this woman was I was like I love you
I mean that’s

[13:52] [Ed] We could hope that it was us like they were so motivated to co on a date with us that they were not going to let
Anything stop them, but I think this woman is just super woman and she’s just got it dialed

[14:07] [Phoebe] She’s awesome. I was pressed
I was like wow

[14:10] [Ed] Her husband was also on the ball. Oh, yeah, no shower water. So he went to the gym and took a shower there. So

[14:18] [Phoebe] They made it happy it happened. I know

[14:22] [Ed] On it like I said
And we had a good time we did great conversation with them. So a lot of fun. We’ve set up a second date

[14:33] [Unknown] and

[14:35] [Ed] We both confided in each other later in the evening that
We both what a fucked on the first day. Yeah, but we didn’t last night
But yeah talk about a dating success story. So yes contact timing

[14:55] [Phoebe] Confirmation

[14:57] [Ed] Being persistent and just
Taking care of business. Absolutely
So no exit strategy needed for that one. Nope

[15:07] [Unknown] All right

[15:10] [Phoebe] Disadvantages to dating Ed

[15:12] [Ed] Well, yeah, you can talk to these two. Yeah

[15:16] [Phoebe] Can be very time consuming
You know, you have to sift through a lot of profiles and as we said earlier a lot of the profiles don’t have
Pictures of both people. So
Honestly, we just don’t waste our time because
It just really hasn’t
Panned out
either they don’t respond or the response is
Not
Non-committal right and when you do request a picture you get a dick pick or a boob pick and I guess
Our fault is not asking for a

[15:57] [Ed] Base pick right so and a lot of people will not send those
Unless they’re on something like kick so
That’s true you surf the profile you find the couple you read their details you go. Okay, they’re great
They match up. They seem like

[16:16] [Guest] compatible

[16:18] [Ed] You click on the gallery you look for the pictures boob boob boob
Okay, no faces. So now you got to contact them back and say hey, we didn’t find any pictures
Would you mind? Would you mind sending some things that we know who the heck you are and what you look like?
Yeah, so we know who we’re meeting and then you still aren’t guaranteed that they’re actually who they say they are so
It’s a very
Long process to get to the restaurant to get to the bar. It is and

[16:55] [Phoebe] some of the
Success that we’ve had to is by meeting people at these events that way you have a built-in backup plan for everybody

[17:07] [Ed] Well, you’ve already cut the coordination out and you’ve cut the the profile surfing out
And you’ve cut the picture thing out right because they’re right in front of you and you’re both at the same place at the same time

[17:19] [Phoebe] so and we had good friends that had
Good communication and pictures of the individuals of two two separate couples

[17:30] [Ed] They were supposed to meet at the event right and when they met at the event these

[17:37] [Unknown] Neither couple they said they were anything like their pictures. So they

[17:43] [Phoebe] were very disappointed

[17:45] [Unknown] but

[17:46] [Phoebe] They’re at a two-day event
So they had lots of other opportunities to meet other people and have other great experiences
That would be us by the way the other great experience. Oh, oh was that the pointing fingers at myself? Yeah, that was

[18:03] [Ed] Ooh, let’s just say we didn’t get to bed until five o’clock that morning
That was the first and that’s okay
I would do that all over again

[18:15] [Phoebe] All right, I am the happy backup plan

[18:18] [Ed] Yeah, I’m happy to be the backup plan. Yep. We’re a sure thing
So
Sifting through profiles is the first part once you’ve gotten through all that now you’re coordinating dates
That’s the hardest thing
Hell Phoebe and I can’t even coordinate dates sometimes for ourselves and that’s only two people and we live together
It’s it’s tricky to
Get two different households out on the same

[18:48] [Phoebe] Calendar, right? That’s the key household because households contain more than two people, right?
kids with soccer practice band practice whatever cheerleader practice you’ve got two partners in a different house

[19:04] [Ed] With their own job schedules their own hobby schedules, you know soccer league
Yep, yep, they know it bowling whatever they know it it is

[19:18] [Phoebe] Insane yes, so
courting dates coordinating place time
um, you know can’t be a disadvantage. It’s all time-based and then when you get down to it
You could go to the place that you’re gonna meet and they just don’t show, so no go no show

[19:40] [Ed] Not to mention if they do show up you’re investing a certain amount of time with that couple yeah and
Heaven forbid you picked a dinner date and it’s
Before dinner drinks appetizers dinner dessert and
Halfway through your first cocktail you were like honey. We got to get out of here. I’m I’m like chewing my leg to try and get out of the trap or
You just never know which is why those tips that we said about yeah doing a short date and this is this is great advice
I know single people are probably not listening to this unless they’re in the lifestyle, but this is great dating advice
I learned that when I was dating
No first date dinner dates just nope don’t do it. They could be crazy
Yep, and you do not want to be tied to a table with crazy

[20:36] [Unknown] Don’t do it

[20:39] [Phoebe] Okay, so
Also, never do your first date at your house never why is that Ed

[20:48] [Unknown] well

[20:50] [Ed] They could be crazy
And you’ve invited crazy into your house. Yeah, but that’s like worst-case scenario
Yeah, we’ve got the other portion is it just maybe awkward
You just don’t have anything in common with them. They don’t look like
Their pictures right
You think UPS has brought you a package because this person shows up at your door and you’re like oh, no, that’s the date
I was not expecting that
Worst case wait she shows up and the guy that she brought is not the guy in the picture because that was from 20 years ago
Yeah, anyway

[21:32] [Phoebe] And most importantly you don’t you don’t have a backup plan
Always have a backup plan always have an exit strategy
How would you get them out of your house if you had invited him over for a first date? What’s your exit strategy? Right Ed
Told me earlier he said just ask him to leave

[21:59] [Ed] Easier said than done. I fully acknowledge that but
Sometimes you’re gonna have I mean if you’ve invited somebody to your house. You’re gonna have to say
Hey folks, I hate to say this, but this is this is not working and we’re gonna have to call it so yeah
It was nice meeting you, but
I don’t you don’t have to go home, but you gotta get the hell out of here
Oh

[22:28] [Phoebe] Yeah, I tend to be a little more
subtle. I don’t like to
wound

[22:36] [Unknown] people

[22:39] [Phoebe] I feel slightly
Responsible for how they feel I know I shouldn’t but so I try a little more subtle social approach like yawning

[22:51] [Ed] And that’s the first stage you try that you obviously go to the gentle approach the
I forgot I’ve got this you know work thing early thing tomorrow morning whatever most people who are aware and respectful they pick up on those right
See note one if they’re crazy they may not pick up on that but
Try not to invite crazy back your house and that’s why you don’t do the first date at your house

[23:20] [Phoebe] Okay, we’ve never actually had crazy at the house thank goodness, but no to those people who have
We’re so sorry. That’s right
All right, sometimes you’ll have a hit and miss right so there’s

[23:37] [Ed] this
Concept floating around in the lifestyle of hit it and quit it and we actually think that there’s this intermediary layer
Which is this hit miss that we’re gonna talk about

[23:49] [Phoebe] And mind you the hit and quit term gets thrown around kind of it as a negative right
depth definition connotation
And I don’t really think so I mean if that’s what you prefer then that’s what you prefer and we’ll go into that
It’s just different
Preferences in the lifestyle just one other layer

[24:18] [Guest] Here’s why we sail on virgin
It’s adults only
No kids screaming at breakfast no family buffet lines just champagne at noon
Late-night pool parties and people who actually want to be there

[24:35] [Unknown] the vibe
Think

[24:37] [Guest] boutique hotel that happens to float
Tattoo parlors drag brunch restaurants you’d actually pay for on land
Plus when you’re looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun
Let’s just say virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous
No wonder bread cruisers here just your people

[25:04] [Ed] So with hit and miss and I can honestly say that we’ve been guilty of this and when I say guilty
It’s not something that we set out to do
It’s just kind of how it happened
So we we meet a couple we seem to hit it off
We get together
maybe we have sex with them
And it just doesn’t go the way that we thought it was gonna go

[25:33] [Unknown] now

[25:35] [Ed] Meaning the sex was okay or it was just outright bad or it was just awkward

[25:42] [Phoebe] So conversation was great connection seemed great
But then you get to the act and it’s kind of
Oh hum

[25:50] [Unknown] Yeah

[25:52] [Ed] Or you’ve met them for that drink date and it seemed to go good
But then when you actually interact with them and you know invite them back to your house
Or meet them at a party for a get together
It just doesn’t go the way that you thought it was gonna go
Something’s off
It’s just not quite
It’s not connecting

[26:13] [Phoebe] Can’t figure it out

[26:14] [Unknown] Can’t figure it out

[26:16] [Ed] Now we always have a
Two date rule with that kind of stuff and that is
Maybe they’re just having an off night. Yeah, everybody has

[26:27] [Phoebe] Absolutely

[26:28] [Ed] Weird things going on in their brains

[26:31] [Phoebe] Could have been a rub
Exactly could have been a rough week
Maybe you drank too much

[26:37] [Unknown] Something there’s tons of stuff going on

[26:40] [Ed] Yeah, so we give them the benefit of the doubt
We give ourselves the benefit of the doubt
I mean heck we can be off on a night too
And so we’ll always reach out and go
And maybe it was us. Maybe it was them. Let’s let’s try it again. Yeah. I’m all right with that
The point where it’s
Not okay the second time that’s where this starts to fall into the hit and miss now
I mean you could have a disaster as first encounter and not even bother with the second one
And that’s definitely a hit and miss
I mean it can just go bad and we’ve had those experiences we talked about one of those on the cruise where the guy was just
rough just
Abusively rough not like violent but not
Not passionate or compassionate right not empathetic and not listening right and it’s
It’s just a stupid experience. It just doesn’t make any sense. Yeah, not a good fit not good
and
That’s kind of what we call the hit and miss so
It’s different because the intent is different mm-hmm now hit and quit
Is
Did you did you want to talk about one more thing in hit and miss?

[27:59] [Phoebe] Well, let’s see
Did we talk about oh not vibing well? I guess you kind of touched on the not vibing with the hit miss although you have a really good

[28:10] [Ed] You have some good examples about that and so one of the examples of how you get a miss is there’s just not that chemistry

[28:18] [Unknown] Yeah, or you know, I don’t know maybe the guy

[28:24] [Phoebe] You get along great he’s sexy, but then
We talked about maybe he can’t follow direction or
He sweats
profusely and you just can’t stand that Chinese torture of the drip drip drip drip between the remaining men oh wait wrong

[28:44] [Ed] I don’t think that song meant that

[28:47] [Phoebe] And it just turns you off. There’s something about it. Maybe he has chronic halitosis or you know
I don’t know maybe he was great in a group setting, but not so great in a couple setting right and there is a dynamic with that

[29:09] [Ed] There are some people who work really well
In you know a two on two situation where everybody kind of gets along and sometimes couples are really good
When there’s more couples to kind of interact with
Kind of buffer the conversation in the room. Yeah, and they you can you have more people to play off of

[29:31] [Phoebe] a little more
Distraction, but also a little more excitement
So some people may need to feed more off
That type of group energy right
And you won’t really know what that is until you have time to kind of step away and think about that a little bit

[29:53] [Unknown] Absolutely

[29:55] [Phoebe] Okay
You are gonna say
Hit it and quit it hit it and quit it

[30:01] [Ed] This is the classic one night stand this is
Put notches in the bed post
Yeah, right names in your little black book
Doing the not this is sport fucking. Yeah, I mean straight up. Yeah
Just hit it and move on
Now there’s some advantages to this. Yep. This isn’t particularly
our style with the exception of
group play in like a playroom
Where our intent isn’t to date or kind of build any kind of long-term rapport. I mean we’re playing in the playroom

[30:41] [Phoebe] right and a lot of times
the
Group play situations that were in
People come from all around so they’re 100 miles away or 3000 or more miles away. So
You just can’t date people that far away. It’s just not it’s very

[31:02] [Ed] The characters like that for us. Yeah people were there from all over the world
And there’s no way that we’re gonna connect with them again unless we all happen to be in Fort Lauderdale leaving on the same boat

[31:15] [Phoebe] But we have that experience locally as well people come from hundreds of miles away

[31:20] [Ed] Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely. Halloween. Yeah, there were people from different states
We had people from Oregon. There were people from back east. That’s true
um
Some of our friends from
Mm-hmm. Oh, where were they from? Virginia. Virginia. Mm-hmm
Yeah, all over the place yep
And other than some text messages back and forth every once in a while like we just don’t see them. There’s no way. I know
If I were wealthy and could fly the country at my leisure
Yeah, we’d go visit these people all the time, but we I’m not Batman
so
Okay, we’ve covered the people
Traveling but one so one of the other advantages in terms of this travel is
people who do travel a lot and this is kind of like a

[32:13] [Unknown] Hall pass kind of situation for the hit and quit check for the hit and quit

[32:18] [Ed] list

[32:19] [Unknown] so

[32:20] [Ed] You know if you’re if you’re traveling or they’re traveling you kind of just meet up have some fun everybody goes their own way
one of the other ones is

[32:32] [Phoebe] The the fuck it list. Yeah, really you’re just checking boxes. Yeah, you you have a list. Do you have a short tall list redhead brunette blonde yeah

[32:44] [Ed] Some ethnic variety of exotic locale sure here along here all of it
Yeah, I mean we have friends who spent an entire cruise
Basically checking that list, huh, and they they made
Kind of they took a blood oath at the beginning of the cruise

[33:04] [Unknown] blood oath

[33:06] [Ed] to
to literally not
Do the same couple twice
just because

[33:14] [Phoebe] They’d never done that before and move outside their box. So they stretched their comfort zone check in boxes outside the box
Yes

[33:26] [Ed] And and that’s totally legitimate. Yep, everybody’s
Most people have this kind of this internal checklist of things like you know, I’ve always wondered
I’ve always wanted to drive a Ferrari

[33:41] [Unknown] yeah, and

[33:44] [Ed] This kind of hit and quit it you’ve checked that box you scratch that itch
Yeah, do you want to itch it some more you want to you know maybe
But maybe not you’re like okay, that wasn’t any different than I thought it was gonna be right right

[34:00] [Unknown] So you just move on yeah, I don’t have I don’t have a checklist

[34:05] [Phoebe] I have preferences
But they’re broad pretty broad preferences
Maybe I have a small checklist you have looking at me like I’m insane
But I guess I do have a very small checklist of like one item

[34:22] [Ed] I think we all have
Checklists we may not be aware of them some people are consciously some people have written them down
Like it’s it’s in a notebook someplace and they go
Ah item number 143
I’ve got some things I’d like to try yeah, and
One you know, and I’ve been slowly checking through them and some of them I want to revisit yeah, and I think that’s
Two of our check boxes are ones that we’re like okay, we tried that but we want to try it again
Because it wasn’t as good as we wanted it to be so we’re gonna
We want to do over
And emphasis on the do

[35:02] [Phoebe] Yes, we’ve got a few of those yes, it’s like going to the
Candy store and you get to sample and
And then you’re like oh that was really good, but you know, I think I need another sample of the

[35:19] [Ed] Pardon me can I get a pound of this to go
We know this is chocolate samplers okay
But you just kind of made me thirsty for more

[35:35] [Unknown] Can I get a bushel
Delivery

[35:40] [Ed] One of the nice things too is that this is a time saver you don’t have to date them
You don’t develop this long-term connection you don’t have to kind of
Invest serious time in it you
And some people are like really
Efficient with this and that is
Make contact if they don’t follow through they don’t have pictures
You don’t even contact them in the first place if they don’t follow through you don’t bother you just drop them and you just move on

[36:11] [Unknown] In other words

[36:13] [Ed] Don’t waste a bunch of time on people who aren’t even gonna follow through yeah like
You’re you’re wasting your time. Yeah, don’t do it
So they do they just kind of rip through and find the first available person that’s on their list and
If it works it works you make it happen you do it and you move on

[36:37] [Phoebe] Disadvantages of that would be
Your experience may not be quite as rich and fulfilling

[36:46] [Unknown] Right

[36:47] [Phoebe] because you haven’t
Spent enough time with that same partner to communicate what you like and what you don’t like or for them to have enough time to discover your buttons

[36:59] [Ed] Yeah, now if you’re really good communicator and you like giving direction and he’s good at following or she’s good at following
Then it might be able to just hit them on the first date and go no no no down left
Right

[37:17] [Phoebe] Swirl twirl. Yep harder faster deeper

[37:22] [Unknown] longer

[37:27] [Ed] But not everybody’s good at following directions
So giving you may not be comfortable giving directions and if you’re not good at giving directions or not comfortable giving directions
Hit it and quit it may not be very satisfying right
It’s quick. It’s efficient
but
You’ve got to be
You’ve got to be a type A personality. Yeah, I would do it really well

[37:52] [Phoebe] You have a really competent in your sexuality and and know what you want and if you want to ride him
Like a cowboy
Cowgirl. Sorry

[38:01] [Ed] Now if you happen to be a common a tricks and you are all in control

[38:05] [Unknown] Yeah

[38:06] [Ed] Then maybe that works out really well for you of course
We like to
Repeat if it’s really good and if they follow directions really well, wouldn’t you want more of that?

[38:19] [Phoebe] You’re always responsible for your own orgasm

[38:23] [Unknown] Indeed

[38:26] [Ed] Now one of the key things that we like to do when we date is the follow-up
So we went on a great evening or even not great evening
We always contact the couple afterwards and say you know what we really appreciate you taking time to
hang out with us
spend time with us and
We enjoyed it
Will you there if it was a great date we’ll do the whole
Thank you for a wonderful time. We look forward to meeting you again
We are currently checking our calendar for the next available date

[39:02] [Unknown] Yeah

[39:03] [Ed] And we did that last night. Yeah, and we are definitely looking forward to our next date. Yes
Now let’s say it’s a bad experience. How do you how do you close or just not the right fit
Well, yeah bad not the right fit. Yeah, not

[39:21] [Phoebe] repeatable not repeatable

[39:23] [Unknown] Yeah, you’d say

[39:26] [Phoebe] We maybe you’d say something like K. We made it home safe
Thank you again for your warmth and hospitality. We really enjoyed your company
Because you did I mean in the moment. Yeah
I mean, they spend time to get ready and
I choose to be over or meet you at
Dinner for drinks and their time is just as valuable and there’s always something to
Get from every experience

[39:55] [Ed] Absolutely, this is the equivalent of writing grandma the thank you letter for the socks you got for Christmas. Oh
You didn’t want socks. No, you really wanted that brand new iPhone
Yeah, yeah, something

[40:11] [Unknown] rubber ducky

[40:14] [Ed] But you got socks for a sweater or something. Yeah, but you still write a letter
You still send them a note and say hey, you know what?

[40:22] [Phoebe] Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you

[40:28] [Ed] We hope we’ve given you some great tips for navigating the Swinger dating scene
It’s more challenging than dating as a single person
If you even remember that what that was like
Because the dynamics are four times as complex
Getting four people to agree on a date and time
Show up
Experience a great vibe all around the table and be on the same page with their goals for the evening

[41:00] [Unknown] Let’s just say it’s complicated

[41:04] [Ed] We’ve had some success and it’s worth trying at least a few times
Who knows you may have great luck and fun doing it

[41:16] [Phoebe] Before you turn off our podcast to take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away
Please reach out and give us a review
I am the first to admit that it is much easier to give a five-star rating
Which we appreciate but if you could take 43 seconds to type a review we would love it
If you want to share a personal story
Ask us questions or share your comments. Please contact us at
Swinger University at gmail.com or tweet us at Swinger you podcast

[41:49] [Unknown] Oh one last thing before you go if this episode helped you in any way

[42:02] [Ed] The single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review
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