Best Swinger Apps and Sites: Tools for Connecting With Other Couples

[Ed] Welcome back. This is Phoebe. And this is Ed. Welcome to Swinger University. Today we're[Phoebe] going to talk about communication tools for connecting with other swingers. We're going[Phoebe] to describe how insight email works, chat rooms, kick, mewi, and a handful of other swinger[Phoebe] dating apps. These technologies, some of them geared specifically to swingers, offer a[Phoebe] great way to get in touch and stay connected with other people in the swing lifestyle. However,[Phoebe] they do have their share of hiccups and we will share some stories about our adventures[Unknown] with virtual people. Yeah. So technology, this episode is going to be a little bit of a[Ed] kind of a tech brain dump. Yes. And because I'm the nerdy one and deal with most of the[Ed] technology, Ed's going to talk a lot. You're going to hear a lot from me. And I'm going[Phoebe] to try and ask Ed a bunch of questions. So Ed is the one, by the way, that does most[Unknown] of all the tech stuff, all the communication, etc, etc. I don't have the patience for it[Phoebe] honestly. I like it. I enjoy it. But I'd rather have him do it. So, you know, when you're[Unknown] good at something, just give it to the person that has more patience and is better at it.[Ed] So that's what we do. Right. And like I said, in a previous episode,[Ed] I deal with computers all day, which is why I hate them with a passion, but I work with[Ed] them all the time. And so I'm pretty comfortable with them. Right. So the first thing we're going[Ed] to talk about is in-site email. So all of these swinger sites that you go to, Cassidy,[Ed] SLS, etc. They've all got some kind of an in-app messaging system. They're terrible. Probably[Ed] the biggest problem with them is that they're not integrated in with your normal email. So[Ed] like, you know, you got an email from your phone, you can answer it. You can deal with it[Ed] right there. But these systems, they'll send you a notification, but like if you really want[Ed] to read the message, you've got to log in to a website and go play with it. So you'll get all[Ed] kinds of notifications. You've got a friend request. You've got email someone liked you[Phoebe] and the problem with it is it's meaningless. It drives me bonkers. Right. Because there's no[Ed] information in it. It doesn't tell you who it is. There's no pictures or nothing. I have to go[Phoebe] to the site, log in, navigate my way through the website to try and find this email. And if you've[Unknown] ever been on any of these swinger dating sites, you know how frustrating it is. And how archaic it[Ed] is. It's challenging to say the least. Yeah. Now, one of the other frustrations that we've run into[Ed] is free accounts. Now, free accounts are great. Don't get me wrong. You're just getting started.[Ed] You don't want to shell out 130 bucks for a lifetime membership or 50 bucks, which we had a hard[Ed] time with in the beginning. So it's, you know, I mean, it's a commitment. It's not necessarily a[Unknown] big commitment, but it's still a commitment. You don't even know if this thing's going to work out.[Unknown] Does this site do what you need it to do? So free accounts. People can't see the responses[Ed] until they pay sometimes or they have a limited number of replies. Well, you're a hot couple. You[Ed] sign up. All of a, you send out like five, six messages to people and all of a sudden all of[Ed] them reply back. Well, you can reply to a few of them, but not all of them want, want, want.[Ed] You're one of the couples that replied to them and you never hear a response. Why? Because they ran[Ed] out of tokens. They're going to put another quarter in before they can get the machine to restart.[Ed] So free accounts kind of make it a little cumbersome. And there's a lot of people who are just[Ed] dabbling. So you'll see it in their profile. They've got one sentence just trying this[Unknown] or brand new, not sure how we feel. Insert a bunch of different descriptions, but the concepts the[Unknown] same. How often are these emails checked by people in site? Not very often. And the big problem is[Ed] you've got to log in in order to see it. So I see email threads all the time and sometimes the[Guest] sites don't notify you that there's a new message. So a lot of times I don't even know that we've[Ed] got a new message until I log in. So unless I'm logging into SLS every night, which I don't do,[Ed] I don't see a lot of these messages coming through. And of course, we get those wonderful messages[Ed] that are, hey, hi, hey there, hi there, oh there. That's like three words. What do I do with that?[Ed] I don't know how to reply to half of those. It's not much of a message. Hi, how you doing? I actually[Ed] improv a little bit. You're very good with responses. But it is pretty funny. So, word to the wise,[Unknown] if you're going to send someone a message, make it longer than two words, at least a sentence.[Ed] A well-crafted sentence. Some of the best advice I ever read on dating sites was,[Ed] read someone's profile and message them with something from their profile.[Ed] That gives them an insight that you're actually conscientious. You actually read their profile.[Phoebe] You actually care. And I respect both. It's more than a half-assed[Ed] blank. Like you're trying to poke someone across the internet.[Unknown] Oh, and here I'm going to get on my little soapbox. It's like, if you are, if you're serious about[Phoebe] responding, at least pretend to be serious. Because when you're not serious and you give these[Unknown] three words, hey, hi there. It's nice. But I mean, this is the equivalent of a[Ed] gosh, trying to recall that it's a candy. It's exactly like walking past someone at work,[Ed] and they say, hey, how are you doing? And you go, I'm doing great. Thanks. And you keep walking.[Ed] Yeah. Or the nod to the person on the sidewalk as you're walking by. And you go like,[Phoebe] cute dog. Yes, it's exactly like that. And you just keep walking. Why? Because you got nothing else[Phoebe] to say. So why bother saying that on a swing or site? Exactly. Because I get that in my vanilla[Phoebe] life. So this is what I don't understand. And it frustrates me, which is why Ed takes care of[Unknown] the technology part because I don't have the patience. Exactly. So it's hard to check the email.[Ed] And then when you get in there and it's something that's half-assed to say the least,[Unknown] it just makes it kind of a silly experience. It's ridiculous. There's another layer of stupid[Ed] that's in here. And that is the way that the old system and SLS worked. Now it's gotten a little[Ed] bit better. And I'm picking on SLS a little bit because it is the most archaic of all of the systems.[Unknown] Cassidy's a little bit better. But SLS had a system where if you'd read the email,[Ed] it pulls it out of the inbox and moves it into a red section. And if you replied to it,[Ed] it moves it into a replied section. So it's helping you by managing your email for you.[Ed] So if you accidentally read something and have to go remember what you'd read,[Ed] you got to go look for it in a different box. If you replied, but you don't remember that you[Ed] replied, it's dumb. Nobody's email works that way. If you're having an ongoing dialogue with[Guest] somebody, you read, you replied, they sent something back to you, you want it in your darn[Ed] inbox so that you can see that there's this thread going on. Obviously they didn't have someone[Unknown] designed this. They just invented it, trying to reinvent the wheel somehow. Anyway,[Ed] now it's not all cons. There's some pros. So I'll go into some of those.[Ed] People open their locked and sexy photos and they share them with you.[Ed] Now what's kind of nice is that you'll get a message from someone and they'll say, hey,[Guest] we unlocked our pictures, come check us out. That's pretty cool, especially because most people[Ed] lock their face pictures away in some secret vault. If you want to see what they actually look[Unknown] like, they have to kind of unlock the photos for you. So that's one pro. Yes. Now the other way,[Ed] the other pro is this is a gateway. It allows you to send somebody a message and then[Ed] get out of that jail. Give them your kick email, sorry, give them your kick profile or your email[Ed] or text message or something. Some other means of communication besides message and you can kind[Ed] jump out of the rut that is the insight messaging and you can kind of escape. That works.[Unknown] There's pros and cons with that too. Right. Which we're going to talk about.[Ed] Yeah. And the biggest pro, and this is why you don't necessarily want to immediately give someone[Unknown] your real life contact information. That's because it's anonymous. It's protected. No one can get[Ed] into it except for people who are on the site. And there's in a way, there's no real connection[Ed] to who you are in real life. Exactly. So an email account or a Gmail maybe connected to a whole[Ed] bunch of different stuff could be connected to your Facebook profile, could be connected to your[Ed] Gmail. And now they've got a hook into who you really are. So a lot of people avoid messaging[Ed] outside of these insight messaging systems. And it's like I said, it's fairly anonymous and[Unknown] it's protected. It's just annoying. Now one last thing before we jump into the next topic and[Ed] that SLS recently switched over to a messaging style system. So it's more like kick or like SMS[Ed] text messages. So you can see a dialogue back and forth and back and forth and back and forth[Unknown] all on one screen. It's like a chat board. I don't have a strong opinion to whether it's better or[Ed] not. I'm still getting hi there. But you showed it to me yesterday. I have a very strong opinion.[Phoebe] I don't like. And why don't you like it? Because it took five pages to open it, right? That's[Phoebe] that is it. And it opens a new tab. You click on another link. Oh, you're talking about the chat.[Ed] We'll get to that. Oh, okay. I'm just talking about messaging. Oh, see, I'm already confused.[Ed] See, so a lot of these sites have multiple ways of communicating. So I'll talk about insight chat[Ed] rooms. This is great. This is the most archaic section of SLS. Now a couple of the other sites have[Ed] chat rooms too, but nobody uses them really. Even on Cassidy, I think I've only ever seen two[Ed] couples in a chat room and at once. I think people rely on real chat rooms like Reddit and other[Ed] places in order to actually have a chat. And there's there are thousands of those. Like if you[Ed] really want to chat with somebody, you know, go to chatterbait or cam for hundreds of these.[Ed] Anyway, kick me away all that. Right. So SLS has insight chat rooms. They're all flash-based,[Ed] which means that they're going to die probably in two weeks because Flash is officially dead.[Ed] Dobies ended support for it. And none of the browser support it anymore. So you have to like[Ed] right click accept flash turn on plug in blah blah blah blah blah. But it's new.[Phoebe] No, this is an old one. Oh, this is old. The chat rooms are different than messaging. Oh,[Ed] oh, sorry. See, still confused. If you're confused, you're not alone. And I've been around for a while.[Phoebe] It's I was around when there were five inch floppy disks. There's really too many different ways[Ed] on the site to send messages back and forth. They really only need one.[Ed] Chat rooms are fun, right? You can put your camera on. You can do all that kind of stuff. The good[Ed] news is that the new messaging system that they have has cameras. So theoretically, they're going to[Unknown] kind of combine the older technologies into this one new messaging thing. But here's the trick.[Ed] So let's go let's go straight into chat rooms. Okay, you go. Go ahead.[Ed] Very few people are actually in the chat rooms. So just for giggles last night, I took Phoebe in[Ed] just to show her what it looked like. And four pop up windows later, we finally got a chat room up.[Phoebe] And to your surprise, there were surprise. There were three women in there. There were one couple[Ed] and two women, right? And my personal favorite, which I just, you know, love, an endless stream of[Ed] cock. It's a sausage fest. Pretty much that's all you're ever going to find in the chat rooms.[Ed] I've only seen one woman or like I said last night, there were three. Yeah.[Ed] That is rare, very unusual. And I pop in there like every once in a while just to see what's going[Unknown] on. Who knows? Maybe I'm just there on the wrong night. Yeah, maybe. But even if it's a couple,[Ed] which I see very few of them, it's usually one partner of the couple. And it's usually the guy.[Ed] And usually he has his cock in his hand. And he's hoping to find a couple or a woman. And I feel[Ed] bad, but they're not there. Dude, move on. So here's a pro. So if you're looking for a lot of older[Unknown] penises, I got the place for him personally, not my thing, but hey, you know, some people are[Ed] into that. So chat rooms for novelty go check it out. But hopefully that'll go away in the new[Unknown] messaging system will fix that. Thank you. All right. We need your help so that your community,[Ed] the very one you love and have so much fun with can also find our show. Here's a really easy way[Ed] to do that. If you're listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify, hit that follow button and leave[Ed] us a rating. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn on notifications. We can't emphasize[Ed] enough how much this helps the swing our community. And it truly is up to you to make that happen.[Ed] It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can even find us. And here's the thing.[Ed] When someone searches, swing or podcast, the algorithm doesn't care how good our content is or[Ed] how long we've been around. It only cares about ratings and reviews. We'd appreciate it. And your[Unknown] community will really appreciate it. Thanks for listening. We're taking care of all that and I don't[Ed] even have to bother myself with that. That's that's right, honey. Highway through waste high[Ed] cocks just to just to find the one couple that we're going to take out on a drink date.[Phoebe] Well, okay. Let's transition over to kick a messaging system that another couple told us about.[Unknown] Yeah. We love it. It's fun. It's interesting. It's it has some of the same drawbacks that a lot[Ed] of the other systems do and that's that not everyone is all talking at the same time. Yeah. But[Ed] it's anonymous. It's totally anonymous. It's just a screen name. There's no connection to the real[Ed] world. You can create new kick profiles anytime you want. You can bury the old one, start a new one.[Phoebe] It's all have a photo, no photo, whatever you want to do. Exactly. Yeah.[Ed] Totally anonymous name. Yeah. So and you can send pictures and you can send videos. And I think[Ed] you can even delete the pictures after you send them. It doesn't quite work like Snapchat where[Ed] there's a timeout on the pictures or that you can see when people download your pictures. So[Ed] keep that in mind. If you don't want your tits on the internet, don't send your tits out on the[Ed] internet. But kick doesn't have any kind of protections on it for that. Not like Snapchat.[Ed] Now pros and cons. Some people communicate more than others. But everybody can communicate[Ed] at the same time. We actually have several kick rooms set up with another couple and all four of[Ed] us are in there. And we send pictures back and forth. We flirt a little bit. We talk about what[Unknown] we're going to do when we're going to see them next. And it's fun. It is fun. But it's it's great[Phoebe] because everyone's included. And even though everyone can't chat simultaneously because you know,[Phoebe] you're at work. You've got kids that you're managing. You're out of sports event. Something.[Phoebe] You know, you're doing other activities. So usually one person has more time to keep the[Phoebe] conversation going. But the other partner can check in, see the thread. And you're part of it.[Phoebe] And that's what's important. You're part of it. If nothing's hidden, it's all there for you to[Ed] read and participate as you wish. It's all out on the table. So everybody has awareness of what's[Ed] going on and what's being talked about. It's great. We find it comforting to know that[Phoebe] there's nothing funny going on. And nothing's lost in translation. It's just like you said,[Ed] all out on the table. Exactly. Now, one of the things that you'll probably want to do[Ed] is use kick to do video verification. Now, it's anonymous. And if you can get into a two-way[Ed] communication of basically a live video chat with somebody else, you can see if it's actually[Unknown] couple or if it's just some 40-year-old guy living in his mother's basement.[Ed] You can do that on kick. Yeah, kick allows you to do a live video chat, which is we've never done[Unknown] that. Pretty cool. No, we haven't. But we're not meeting anonymous people usually. We usually[Ed] have met them at an event. Yeah, usually by the time we're exchanging kick information,[Ed] we've had some conversations. We've established a little bit of a relationship, if you will.[Ed] One problem we ran into it was there's a cap. You can only have so many people in a kick room.[Unknown] When we were going on the cruise, we overloaded the room. We couldn't get everyone who wanted to[Ed] participate into the room. And we had to flow over into the next application that I'll talk about,[Ed] which is Miwi. Now, Miwi is trying to be an alternative to Facebook. I don't know that it's[Ed] ever really going to be an alternative to Facebook. It's kind of a cross between Facebook and kick.[Ed] It's messaging its chat rooms, but you can kind of have an established profile with information on it.[Ed] When we went on the cruise, there was a Miwi group where I had set up a profile for us, posted a[Ed] few pictures, a brief description of which cruise we were going to be on, what room we were going to[Ed] be in, et cetera, et cetera. It was pretty nice. People could engage with you in conversation,[Ed] but they could also go check out your profile. Con is no one's using it. And because it's[Ed] being sold as an alternative to Facebook, I don't know how they're advertising it, because the[Ed] only way I found out about it was through this kick group that overflowed. And I don't think I[Phoebe] ever would have discovered this app. So can you create a private group for swingers?[Phoebe] In Miwi? In Miwi? Yeah. The cruise group was private. Like the private groups that used to be[Ed] in Facebook. Absolutely. And that's what the cruise group was. It wasn't public. It was a private group.[Phoebe] So you actually have a profile just like in Facebook? Exactly. Interesting. Yeah, it's,[Phoebe] isn't exactly. They have any restrictions on naked photos? None, private groups.[Ed] There were all kinds of stuff. Book has that now. Yes, the Facebook police will find your naked[Ed] titties and they will ban you for a period of time. They'll put your pasties on. This is why we[Ed] can't have nice things. And we don't play on Facebook anymore because our group got really boring,[Ed] really quick. Yep. So as I said, you've got social profiles. You can get large groups in there,[Unknown] and there doesn't seem to be a cap. So if you're going on a cruise or if you're going to a[Ed] desire event, something like that, look for a Miwi group. Check out SLS. Contact a few people maybe[Ed] start your own group. That'd be fun. Heck, if you want to start a Miwi group with us, let us know.[Ed] All right. Apps. Oh, there's an app for that. There's so many. Oh my goodness.[Ed] There's a flood of apps. And we're not even on Android devices. Android Zip and even more[Phoebe] crazy app market. And we tried most of them on the iPhone. We did. Anytime there was a[Ed] search term that matched up with Swinger and an app, we download it. Yep. Why? Because we're horny.[Ed] So we download all the apps mostly because we keep hoping to find something better. Yes.[Unknown] And so far, we haven't. No. So some of the examples of apps. And I think we've talked about some[Ed] of these before. Bumble, three fun. There's another one called Swinger Safari. Bumbles of vanilla[Ed] ish app. So you will meet your co-workers on it, especially the your maybe your boss who's[Ed] recently divorced. So if you don't want to be exposed, no, I'm serious. You will find your boss.[Ed] Yeah, you have to be very careful about that. Bumbles a bit of an exposure issue.[Ed] Same thing with Tinder or any of these. Okay, Cupid. Yes.[Ed] Pro and con. It's highly location based. So if you live in an area where there's a high saturation[Ed] of individuals using it, bingo. You're you're all in. It's perfect. So if you live in the San Francisco Bay[Ed] area, you are golden. Now if you live out in the valley like us in the Sacramento area,[Guest] yeah, not so much. You want to drive a hundred miles. You can go hang out with the San Francisco[Ed] crowd. But we've got few and far between in terms of finding couples. Yeah, I mean, when you[Phoebe] think about it, you're trying to get a very small portion of the population that are swingers[Phoebe] all on the same app or the same five apps out of 25 right that are checking them on a regular[Unknown] basis. So it's it's very it's a pretty small market. Yeah. And because there's so many apps out[Unknown] there, it's watered down quite a bit. Yeah. And I think everybody's trying here and there's[Ed] and a lot of them after you download them, they go into a pay model. So you've got to shell out[Ed] more money to actually have it work. Swinger Safari was like that. It was free for the longest time[Ed] and then they started trying to charge people. I laughed because I'm not paying for something where[Ed] there's nobody on it. That's just dumb. Now if you had a large market, absolutely monetize that[Ed] sucker because there's value add, you're getting a return on your investment. For us, hell no.[Ed] But if you're in the right area, there's a large quantity of profiles. You can have a lot of success[Ed] and anecdotally through all the Reddit groups, Reddit swingers groups. A lot of people have had good[Ed] luck with three fun, which is one of the apps that we dabble in every once in a while.[Ed] People like it. It seems to work. There was another one too. It was a tinder knockoff and then they got[Unknown] sued field. That's what it was. F-E-E-L-D. Strange name, but I guess it's all the fields. That app[Unknown] has a pretty good reputation on the Reddit groups. We haven't had such good luck because, of course,[Ed] it's all San Francisco based, a lot of Bay Area people. I think if you lived in a major metropolitan area,[Ed] you'd probably be pretty good. Now it's a little strange and no one thinks this is true, but Sacramento[Ed] is actually a huge swinger population. There's a lot of us horny people out here in the valley.[Ed] Didn't know that. Discovered that recently and was like, oh, that explains a lot.[Ed] So we've had hit and miss luck, but we've never been on a date with anybody with any of these apps.[Ed] We've had some conversations, but they usually kind of peter out after a couple back and forths.[Unknown] So there you go. What's another con?[Ed] Oh yeah, this is one of my favorite. And this is true of most dating apps. So when I was single,[Ed] recently divorced and looking for the next lady in my life, I kept running across the same[Ed] photo, but different names or slight variations on the names. Same thing on three fun and field.[Ed] I'm like, wait a second. I know this couple. Dude's got like the hipster beard, red headed wife.[Ed] Like you can't mistake this couple. Like it's obviously them.[Ed] You know, they're it's a photo of them at Burning Man. Who knows?[Ed] And you swipe a few times and you go, wait a second, I just saw this. Oh, the name was[Ed] hot couple COU PLE. This one is hot CPL. And you swipe a few more times and it's hot with two[Unknown] T's coupled. And you're like, oh, so either this is the same people who keep forgetting their[Ed] username and password and they just keep creating new accounts or it's just straight up bullshit.[Phoebe] I can't tell. I don't know. I've convinced the app trying to make you feel better that there's more[Unknown] people on the app than there really are. And I have no evidence to contradict that. It certainly[Ed] seems that way. And I know that that was true on the dating apps when I was single. That was[Ed] absolutely what was going on because I saw these chicks on there and I swear they were[Ed] Russian escort pictures and they were on there all the time. You'd never get a chat from them[Unknown] but you could see them all the time. Anyway, no real people. That's that's a thing. Welcome to[Unknown] the internet. So eventually you're going to have some conversations. You're going to go back[Ed] and forth and it's going to seem like you've got a good connection with them. Well, you can[Ed] transition over into the real world and send them your phone number and start sending them text[Ed] messages or a kick profile and you can actually try to set things up to meet them. I mean,[Ed] if you just want to stay in virtual land, that's great. But if you actually want to have a drink[Unknown] or better yet, bring them home or to a hotel room if that's your preference,[Ed] you're going to have to give them a real phone number because you're going to have to show up[Ed] at a real place in the real world to have real sex. Just it just works that way. Right.[Ed] So text messages are pretty much the standard communication these days. And it's great. You send[Ed] them your phone number. You can send a text message, hey, we're on our way to the restaurant. We'll[Ed] see you in 15 minutes. So you're still on for Friday night or whatever. There's a few cons with it.[Ed] It is your real phone number. And if you happen to meet someone who's a stalker and you can tell[Ed] stories about dating guys and wanting to burn your phone afterwards and have them never contact you[Unknown] again, show up at random parking lots calling you. Here's why we sail on Virgin. It's adults only.[Ed] No kids screaming at breakfast, no family buffet lines, just champagne at noon,[Unknown] late night pool parties and people who actually want to be there. The vibe, think boutique hotel[Ed] that happens to float. Tattoo parlors, drag brunch restaurants you'd actually pay for on land.[Ed] Plus, when you're looking to connect with other couples who know how to have fun,[Ed] let's just say Virgin attracts a very specific type of adventurous. No wonder bread cruisers here,[Unknown] just your people. Woohoo. That was pretty creepy. Yeah. God, you were there. Yeah.[Ed] Getting photographs of you from like another aisle being sent to you.[Ed] Strange stuff. That was pretty creepy. Yeah. You are exposing your real self, but here's the thing.[Ed] Video verify with people in the virtual world, send them some information. Have a little bit of[Ed] confidence that it's a real person and then you know what, at some point you're going to have[Ed] to pull the trigger and have a little bit of trust that this is a real person and that they're not[Phoebe] really fucked up. More anonymous than the video verification, which we've only done once,[Phoebe] and I was very nervous even about that, and I probably won't ever do it again. Or if I do,[Phoebe] it's going to be very situationally specific, but a lot of people, especially if you're meeting[Phoebe] someone random on from a website or something, you've never seen them before. Right.[Phoebe] We had friends that would frequently post an ad on Craigslist when you could do that,[Phoebe] and they would do a phone verification with the women. That way they could ensure that[Phoebe] it wasn't just a guy pretending to be a woman or pretending to be a couple,[Phoebe] and they could actually talk to the women, and the women could chat, have a brief conversation,[Phoebe] and feel comfortable, and then everyone would get together. And that seemed to work really well for[Phoebe] them, and they could vet out who is legit very quickly by doing so. Yeah, and you can still get[Ed] fakers and posters even with that. So there's no guarantees in life. Speaking of no guarantees in life,[Ed] one trick, and here it is, I'm going to share with you a geek secret. I'm going to pass on some[Phoebe] of my geeky wisdom. Oh yeah, you guys are going to love this. This is great. I love this feature.[Ed] It's really cool. Go download an app called Pick Find. If you're on an iOS device,[Ed] you can submit photos to Google Search. Now, this is why you want to do it.[Ed] Having a great conversation with a couple. They're sending pictures. They're really hot.[Unknown] Send the picture through Pick Find to Google Image Search. We'll find out very quickly that there are[Ed] a thousand copies of that picture all over the internet. Turns out she starred in 300 adult films.[Ed] Oh, that's not the woman who is supposedly meeting me for the first time and wants to date my wife and I.[Phoebe] It could be very pickful. And if you want to believe that, it's very flattering, but the reality is it's not true.[Ed] It's not really her, and it's certainly not her boyfriend. So the good news is Pick Find will allow[Ed] you to verify pictures and find out if they're very common and it's a porn star or it's just[Ed] a picture of some random person. And you can do a little bit of sleuthing. It's almost like a[Ed] background check for photos. It's really cool. Now, if you're on a desktop computer, it's even easier.[Ed] Drag the picture over to Google Image Finder and you can get the same result. But if you're on[Ed] your phone, you don't really have an option to do that. You can't drag things around. It's getting[Unknown] a little better, but Pick Find great app. You can find those people who are catfishing. They're[Ed] basically sending you a bunch of pictures and hopes that you'll send a bunch of pictures and then[Unknown] they've got all your pictures. Long story short, if it is, you never know if it's a real person[Ed] until you meet them in real life. So that's our trick. That's our secret. Actually go meet them[Unknown] in real life. So we've talked a lot about technology and applications and different ways of[Ed] communicating. And we want to kind of get into an overarching statement about just online[Unknown] communication in general. The big thing is these aren't necessarily real people. It's not real[Ed] life. It's very anonymous. People pretend to be somebody all the time. You hear stories about the[Ed] 40 year old guy who's pretending to be the 16 year old girl in order to lure her to the mall and[Ed] then kidnapper. Well, it's no different for the swinger lifestyle. People pretend to be who[Ed] they're not all the time. It's a single guy and you want pictures of your wife's tits. It happens.[Ed] So be aware that people aren't always who they say they are. I mean, an even more benign example is[Guest] people who post pictures that are 10 years old. You see their profile. They look super hot. And then[Ed] you kind of think that there's something off because the photos don't quite look right. And then[Unknown] you meet them in real life and you go, wait a second. They're about 50 pounds and 50 years different[Ed] than the pictures that we saw of them. There was one guy. Yeah. Could have been 50 years.[Phoebe] It was clearly a picture from the 70s that had that kind of yellow patina. Yeah, it had the style[Phoebe] of his clothes. It was awesome. It was paneling in the house in the background. It was so funny.[Ed] You know, if you're going to put a profile up and I do recommend that you go back and listen to[Unknown] our episode on creating an online profile because yeah, people do some crazy stuff with profiles.[Ed] And it's amazing to us. Every time we see it, that people are convinced that they can get away with it.[Phoebe] That's right. You really think you get away with that?[Ed] I mean, yeah, you're anonymous until the point where you step into the bar and you're actually[Unknown] meeting someone face to face. And I have a story about that. Yeah. Well, not now, but well, okay,[Phoebe] I'll tell it. It was before I met Ed. And it was your the classic example you just gave someone[Phoebe] posted a picture. It was probably 10 good 10 15 years younger. I'm waiting outside BJ's restaurant.[Phoebe] We're going to meet for a drink date. I can't find the guy. I'm looking at the profile. I'm looking[Phoebe] all of a sudden this stranger walks up to me and says my name. And I'm like, yeah, do I know you?[Phoebe] Yeah. And so there's this awkward conversation. And he says his profile and his name. And I go,[Phoebe] oh, hi. And so now you're stuck. And it's like, I didn't want to be rude. I thought, okay,[Unknown] I got dressed up. I'm out on a work night. Maybe I can clearly this, this guy is not,[Phoebe] this is, I know this is not for me. But how can I salvage the night? Maybe I'll learn something[Phoebe] from this individual. I always go into a situation. Look, how can I make lemonade out of this? Right?[Ed] Yeah. Oh, my lord. And honestly, if you show up to a bar and the person has lied to you[Unknown] about their profile, their photos, et cetera, they were the ones who were rude in the first place.[Ed] So you should not feel bad. And I'm telling all the listeners, you should not feel bad about,[Ed] wow, you look drastically different than your photos. And it kind of feels like you weren't very[Unknown] honest with us. We're going to go now and just turn around and walk away. I was just going to ask you[Unknown] how that would, how you would say that if that ever happened. Just like that. That sounds[Phoebe] perfect. You say it so well too. You always have such a soft voice. Not a soft voice, but a,[Unknown] a compassionate voice when you say that. I know. Got that deep voice thing going on.[Unknown] So that's the thing. When you are transitioning from virtual life to real life,[Ed] you got to realize that you're going to get caught if you're lying. Yep. Here's another story.[Ed] Phoebe and I were on kick or one of these. Maybe it was pretty fun. Thanksgiving weekend.[Ed] Thanksgiving weekend. We got nothing better to do. We thought we would find somebody to have some[Phoebe] fun. We're tired of spending time with the vanilla family. That's right. You can only have so many[Ed] turkey conversations before it's like so much for maybe we could go fuck somebody. Yeah.[Ed] You know, that would be much more fun right now. Yeah.[Ed] Now for the politics and the sports. Yeah. Let's do some indoor sports.[Guest] So we're contacted by a couple and they're all in. They're excited. They, you know, they're having[Ed] a great conversation with us. They send some photos. They're cute. Maybe not quite our style.[Ed] I think they were into choking, which is a little bit outside of our boundaries.[Ed] But, you know, a lot of people are flexible. And so maybe we wouldn't necessarily have to go into[Phoebe] like full throttle mode, so to speak. Was she chatting also? Well, no. It was just one person.[Ed] Which kind of leads us into the next part of this story.[Ed] Interestingly enough, at some point, he says, hey, we've got a buddy who's hanging out with us[Ed] today who'd like to join us. And then they send another picture with this other guy.[Ed] We're like, well, no, we're not really interested in that. A big guy shaved head, lots of tattoos.[Ed] Just didn't look sexy or friendly. Got nothing against tattoos. I'm covered with them. But[Ed] it's just something about him didn't quite fit our taste, at least for that day. Yeah, I don't know if[Phoebe] it was the photo because I like a big tall bald man. Exactly. There was just something. But I think[Phoebe] I wasn't interested in having three men in the room that's more comfortable with you and one[Phoebe] other, especially for the first time. Right. We didn't know these people. We were[Ed] straight from the internet to, hey, we're going to come over to your house. Yeah.[Ed] Make sure you hide the chain saws before we show up. So the conversation kind of progresses.[Unknown] And then he says something that makes us pause and kind of cock our heads for a second and go,[Ed] did he say what? Let me reread that. We reread through the thread. And it turns out that the guy[Ed] who had contact us was actually the third guy. Uh-huh. Because he switched[Ed] they with I, something he switched. Yeah, the the the pronouns switched in the sentence.[Ed] All of a sudden we were talking to the third guy, but it wasn't the third guy. It was the first[Ed] guy who just was supposed. He admitted accidentally that he was the third guy. Yes.[Ed] This couple was actually this tiny little woman and the big bald guy. So here it is.[Ed] Now it's one of those. Okay, wait a second, dude. You you started off telling us that you were a[Ed] couple and now you want to add a third. Turns out you're the third. Yes.[Ed] You were such the liar. We have no interest because at this point I'm expecting there to be a chain[Unknown] saw when we show up. I'm expecting that, you know, we're we're never going to come home after this[Ed] or at least, you know, not in the same psychological state. It's it's it's just dishonest.[Phoebe] It is dishonest and if someone's being dishonest, you don't want to be in a vulnerable position with[Phoebe] them sharing your wife or sharing your body. You want to know that you can trust people,[Phoebe] they're honest, they're respectful, they can follow direction. If they can't do that,[Phoebe] I'm not taking my clothes off in front of you. Sorry. I'm not even stepping inside your house.[Ed] So here you have it. If you can't be honest about the situation and who you are[Ed] that you're trustworthy, I'm certainly not going to trust you with my wife or my safety. Right.[Ed] All kinds of red flags. So creepy. There you go. Watch for red flags. Check the pictures.[Ed] Hmm. Do everything that you can to vet people. And honestly, the first date, go to a bar. Yeah.[Ed] Go to a restaurant with a bar. Go to an outdoor concert. Meet these people in a nice,[Ed] loud environment. Have a couple of drinks. Have some laughs. And find out if they are who they say[Ed] they are. If there is hot as they portray themselves to be. And then take them home and fuck them.[Unknown] You keep saying that, Ed. Well, you know, we've never actually done that. Oh, actually we have.[Ed] So one of the big pros for online, though, is that you can send photos, you can send video[Ed] and text and it can be kind of anonymous and you can kind of have some flirty fun. And you can be[Unknown] you can be that persona online and not let it invade your personal life. Yep. And that's[Ed] kind of cool. And I think there are a lot of people who have these virtual lives online,[Ed] where they get fun and flirty and sexy. I mean, heck, browse through anything on Reddit. And[Ed] everybody's like, I think my tits are too small. What do you think? No, your tits are perfect.[Unknown] And everybody knows that. But thank you for sharing. The other big pro with online is it's safe.[Unknown] Because it's anonymous, you can communicate with people freely. You can find out a little bit[Ed] more about them and you don't risk exposing who you are in real life that you're the CEO for[Ed] some major corporation or, you know, you run a you're an elementary school teacher. Yeah,[Ed] we've met a few of those. And the last pro is that there's less commitment because you have[Ed] this anonymous safety net. You're you have no obligation to these people online. And there's[Ed] a little bit of etiquette to the whole thing where you just you shouldn't be a douchebag. But yeah,[Ed] you know, you don't have to follow through. You don't have to meet them in real life. And you[Ed] can pull the record anytime you want and just get out of the situation. You go, thanks, but no,[Phoebe] we're out. We're going to move on. In closing, we talked about inside email, inside chat rooms,[Phoebe] kick, mewe, and a few swinger and non-swinger apps. Be cautious when moving to text-based communication,[Phoebe] but there's no need to be paranoid. We have found 99% of true swingers are some of the nicest[Phoebe] people on the planet. Use the helpful tip on Google Images and Pickvine and never send a photo[Phoebe] or video to someone you don't have a high feeling of trust and confidence that they will respect[Ed] your privacy. Before you turn off our podcast, take care of all the vanilla things pulling you away.[Ed] Please reach out and give us a review. I know mashing a star is so much easier, but a review[Ed] is so much better for sharing your love of what we're doing with others. We would appreciate it.[Ed] If you want to share personal story, ask us questions, or share your comments. Please contact us[Ed] at swingeruniversityatgmail.com or on Twitter at SwingerYouPodcast.[Unknown] Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way,[Ed] the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review.[Ed] It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they're searching for relationship education.[Ed] And we've made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com-flash-review. All the instructions are there.[Unknown] Thank you for being part of this community. We'll see you again soon.