Casual Sex Sucks – Could it be better?

[00:00] [Unknown] Honestly, I’ve never talked about this with anybody.

[00:04] [Phoebe] You’re like, brrring.
And things just start to spark.
And you don’t know what’s happening.

[00:10] [Ed] Right, because you don’t know what’s going on.
And it’s just, it’s all new and so shiny.

[00:16] [Phoebe] He opens the door.
And we’re all of a sudden we’re in the shower together
and I’m like, I didn’t even play with this, man.
I didn’t even see him in the bedroom.

[00:24] [Guest] And now you’re Lufa buddies with this guy.

[00:26] [Phoebe] And now, right, how many times do you leave
a swing or party, and you say to yourself, the sex sucked. Currently, you’re having great
sex with your partner, but the swinging sex blows. A major study found that women have better
sex and more orgasms in relationship sex than casual sex. What are we missing? And is it possible

[00:50] [Unknown] to get more out of casual sex while swinging? Welcome to Swinger University, I’m Ed.

[01:01] [Phoebe] Anna, I’m Phoebe. All right, let’s be honest. I mean, no one really talks about this.
Honestly, I’ve never talked about this with anybody in the Swinger community.

[01:16] [Ed] No, I mean, we’ve had a few conversations and we’ve mentioned in episodes how to make sex better
and we’ve talked about trying to find long term partners instead of casual sex partners

[01:32] [Phoebe] in a lifestyle. Right. Thinking this is the mysterious formula. Right. Right. So,
why don’t we ask what is the quality of sex in the lifestyle? We never, is it too personal?

[01:50] [Ed] I don’t know why. I think we should. I think at the next party, we should absolutely lock up

[01:55] [Unknown] to people and go, do you orgasm? And orgasms aren’t even necessarily the measure of whether

[02:02] [Ed] you’re having good sex or not. Exactly. So yeah, that’s a really good question.

[02:09] [Phoebe] How many times do you have great sex at a lifestyle party? Right. And I don’t think a lot of people
really think about that. I think they think about having a good time and there’s a lot of good
times that we have had. But when it comes down to the sex, was it really a good time? Right.
Do you ever wake up the next day and go, hmm, that really wasn’t that much fun.

[02:36] [Unknown] It wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be. Right. Yeah. I have had this question the next

[02:45] [Phoebe] day many a time. Yes, she has. And as you mentioned, what constitutes great sex or a great time

[02:54] [Unknown] is it the orgasm? All right. So that’s the story, right? Like that’s what everybody’s thinking,

[03:01] [Ed] that’s what we’re thinking about with the episode. Let’s talk about some facts. We’ll get a few
numbers in here. And then later in the episode, you want to stay tuned because we’re going to talk

[03:11] [Unknown] about how to potentially make the sex better. And we’re going to give you five tips
to having better sex in the lifestyle. Hopefully. No guarantees.

[03:25] [Phoebe] Right. Because we can’t guarantee anything. But we think that these will help.

[03:29] [Unknown] We think these will help. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So a study was done. Well, there was there’ve been
multiple studies, multiple multiple studies done. And what they found was around 20,000

[03:46] [Phoebe] undergrads across 20 plus colleges in the United States. And I picked this one study because

[03:51] [Ed] it was pretty significant. And what was this study? It was a study on hooking up.

[03:58] [Phoebe] And how do I sign up for the next study? Right. I know. Like, hello. Hello. Yes, please.
I volunteer as tribute. So they were asking people about penetrative sex and orgasms.
What we found was 70 to 90% of women are unable to orgasm vaginally just period. Right.
More so on the 70% 90s. Pretty high. But I’ve found other studies where it’s 70%
women can’t orgasm vaginally alone. They need some other stimulation. And 90% of women say they
can’t even get there vaginally with an orgasm unless they’re on top. Right. And I have seen that

[04:51] [Ed] and heard that from women in the lifestyle. That makes sense. Now, here’s what’s interesting.

[04:57] [Phoebe] When you’re hooking up once with someone as a woman, you have a 15% chance of having an orgasm.

[05:05] [Unknown] When you’re hooking up with that person, maybe the second time twice, right?

[05:11] [Phoebe] 20% chance of having an orgasm only 5% more. Right. And women in relationships six months
or longer can have an orgasm about 73% of the time. So, I mean, what this is telling me is

[05:29] [Ed] longer a woman has a connection with a man or the experience with a man or they’ve instructed
him how to do things properly the third, the fourth, the fifth time. However many times they’ve
had sex in the first six months. And depending on the frequency, it takes a while to learn your
partner. It takes a while to kind of understand what their buttons are. And if the guy’s not paying
attention or not listening to direction and just doing his own thing, I mean, I’m not surprised

[06:04] [Unknown] that it’s in that lower percentile because I think guys can pretty much come with the

[06:13] [Ed] blowing of a wind. But, you know, women take a little bit more work than that. And I think also
there’s a little bit of an emotional component to this, which we have seen in numerous studies as

[06:24] [Phoebe] we’ve been doing the podcast. Right. And if it’s not emotion, I can see the emotion being in the
relationship aspect of it, of this part of the study. But also that just that level of intimacy
goes a long way. And intimacy doesn’t mean relationship. And it doesn’t mean you’re crossing
any lines. But we are human beings and we find warmth and compassion within each other. And it’s

[06:53] [Unknown] okay to have an intimate moment. It doesn’t have to be like, bam, bam, thank you, man, black

[06:59] [Phoebe] and white. Right. You’d be more fulfilling with that. You’ve got a better connection with that

[07:03] [Ed] person. And that connection can kind of vary in terms of how you feel connected to them. It doesn’t
necessarily have to be a ring on a finger. And, you know, walking down the aisle, kind of level of

[07:15] [Unknown] commitment. But yeah. Yeah. So concepts of sexual satisfaction. Let’s let’s talk about some

[07:24] [Ed] of these different concepts. I think one of the most important things that I’ve learned is really
understanding what techniques work with each partner. The same technique that you use all the time
with your regular partner may not work with your casual partner, the partner who you’ve just met.
Yeah. You’re going to have to ask for some direction. You’re going to have to ask for do they
like it harder? Do they like immediate stimulation? Do they like a little bit more warm up? Do they
prefer dirty talk? Do they need a little bit of domination? Yeah. I had a partner recently who
actually preferred that. Like she wanted a little bit more of an aggressive male kind of a thing.

[08:11] [Phoebe] That’s kind of what got her juices going. Yeah. But there’s a lot of other women like you who

[08:17] [Ed] like a long slow, maybe a massage instead of a direct, literal stimulation, right? Yeah.

[08:25] [Phoebe] Exactly. Yeah. That’s worth it. That consent conversation comes in. And a lot of times we just
don’t do that in the lifestyle. Right. Because you know, things change and the parties are different.
Themes are different. The vibe is different. And orgies are fun. And sometimes you want to jump
into the puppy pile. There’s not a lot of time for conversation. Yeah. And I think that’s most of it.

[08:52] [Ed] I think most of it is everybody’s really excited that they’ve got a new partner. It’s not their spouse

[08:59] [Unknown] or their significant other. And they’re like holy crap. Do I get to, can I open my present now?

[09:06] [Ed] Yes. Yes. And sometimes that’s like, okay, let me get a condom. Yes. And you’re like, whoa,
whoa, slow down, buddy. Yeah. Take a little time. Now I can appreciate an aggressive woman who
wants to just get straight down to business. I have a couple partners who really like that. And
it’s fun and different for me because you are such a slow warmer. Yes. Which I also enjoy.

[09:34] [Unknown] It’s a bit of a tease. But it gets me there. And I think that the more time you spend with a

[09:44] [Ed] partner, so like the statistic said, first time, second time, not so good. But if you’ve met
a couple and you’ve had a couple dates with them, that second and third experience is going to
be better, possibly because you’ve asked questions and you’ve learned the technique that works for
them. And you can just apply that technique immediately. But the other part of it is you actually
may be more comfortable asking them about techniques the second or third time. Right. Or even

[10:16] [Phoebe] after you’ve had sex where you’ve had a good time. Maybe this sex wasn’t great. But the vibe was fun.
And you you played and you had some soft swapping. Maybe you had soft swapping. And then you’re
laying on the bed and you’re laughing and you’re going, wow, you know, that was that was a blast.
I really liked when you did XYZ. Right. Let’s try that again next time or next time. If you guys

[10:41] [Guest] are up for it, we’d love to explore this. Yeah. And those are those fun conversations that you

[10:47] [Unknown] get to have with people that you have nice connections with. All right. We need your help so that

[10:58] [Ed] your community, the very one you love and have so much fun with can also find our show.
Here’s a really easy way to do that. If you’re listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify,
hit that follow button and leave us a rating. If you’re watching on YouTube, subscribe and turn
on notifications. We can’t emphasize enough how much this helps the Swinger community. And it

[11:24] [Unknown] truly is up to you to make that happen. It makes a massive difference in whether new listeners can

[11:30] [Ed] even find us. And here’s the thing. When someone searches Swinger podcast, the algorithm doesn’t care

[11:38] [Unknown] how good our content is or how long we’ve been around. It only cares about ratings and reviews.

[11:46] [Ed] We’d appreciate it. And your community will really appreciate it. Thanks for listening.
Yeah. And that’s a good segue to kind of this whole concept of like commitment and affection.
And I could imagine in, and this is just imagining because we’ve never been in this situation,
but in like a poly relationship where you’ve established kind of a long-term sexual relationship
with another partner that you’ve started to learn their buttons. You’ve started to learn their
kind of ins and outs of what excites them and how they like to be turned on and what gets them there.
And I think if you try to apply that to a casual situation, you could also say
that the quality of the relationship also affects casual sex. You’ve had really good flirty
conversation with this couple. I think I’ve had better sex with that couple than the ones that we

[12:53] [Unknown] just kind of ran into in the playroom. You know, the whole hey, there’s some room on the bed.

[12:59] [Ed] Can we lay down next to you and then some stuff kind of happens. They’ve been exciting
because it’s random, like totally like, oh my. What’s going to happen?
But not exciting from the standpoint that they did anything right or they did anything wrong.
It was just kind of, it was fumbling sex in the backseat kind of thing.

[13:25] [Unknown] Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s awesome. That’s a great way to describe it.

[13:29] [Ed] So it’s fun. It’s novel and I think the novelty is why it’s so exciting. But you don’t have any

[13:38] [Unknown] kind of quality. It’s drive by sex. This sometimes literally is, she slipped and fell and landed

[13:50] [Phoebe] on his dick. Yeah. So now I get it. I get it. Like this whole fumbling in the back seat. They’re
coming out in the way back machine because it brought me back to those feelings of when you’re
in junior high, right? You’ve got all these emotions going. Right. Something random happens.
You’re like, bring and like things just start to spark and then you don’t know what’s happening.

[14:15] [Ed] Right, because you don’t know what’s going on. And it’s just, it’s all new and

[14:20] [Unknown] so shiny. I know. Yes. Now, the other component that works, I think in long-term relationships,

[14:32] [Ed] is that that emotional component, right? You’ve, you’ve chemically bonded with that other person.
And it’s not just chemistry. There’s a lot of other stuff too. There’s social aspects and
emotion. And the emotions, though, are kind of based on a lot of those things, those sub components.
And I think with your long-term partner, you have built that emotional component. And I think with
repeat customers, you could get some kind of an emotional bond with them, which will improve it,

[15:03] [Unknown] which kind of, you know, to keep back on topic, casual sex doesn’t have most of these components

[15:12] [Phoebe] because you just met these people. Right. Right. Exactly. Okay. So we’ve talked about these

[15:20] [Ed] connections that you make with people and kind of why orgasms can work once you’ve had a little
bit of a connection. So how is it that hooking up in the lifestyle is different? Like, why
doesn’t it work? Why doesn’t it hit the right buttons? I think a lot of it has to do with
partners that you run across. They just may not have the skills. And it’s not that they’re bad

[15:47] [Unknown] lovers. They don’t know your buttons. They don’t know how to please you as a partner because

[15:56] [Ed] they’ve never played with you before. Right. And everybody’s buttons are different. Yeah.
I mean, there’s some general rules like probably don’t go straight to the hammer time,
slow down a little bit. But even beyond that, it’s the right level of penetration to deep,
to shallow, too fast, too slow, like all of that stuff, you have to kind of learn it.

[16:19] [Phoebe] Right. And I am going to throw in there the longer you’ve been in the lifestyle as a
male or female, you’re going, males are going to be better at not allowing the distractions in

[16:31] [Guest] the room to throw them off. Right. Right. Because they’re used to that. Now they can focus

[16:37] [Phoebe] because that’s a huge factor when you first start out. And the second thing is they
get really good at reading women, honestly. They’re better. Yeah. Yeah. If they haven’t been good
at reading women in the past, different women, they’re good. They get really good at reading

[16:54] [Ed] different women by being in the lifestyle. Yeah. And I think that there’s an aspect of experience

[17:01] [Unknown] in interacting with different partners that you start to learn, oh, God, they are different.

[17:08] [Ed] Or they listen to our podcast and learn, oh, God, women are all different. And I think the second
and third partner that isn’t making good noises or isn’t moving around as much or is clancing
at their partner making weird faces at them, you start to pick up on that and go, okay,
I haven’t figured this out yet. And I think you’re right. With experience, they start to realize
I got to change my game. Right. I got to step up. Now the other part, the other part,

[17:37] [Phoebe] my point was to women will start to speak up and ask for what they want. Now I’ve done that.
Hopefully. Yes. I know I’m in charge of my own orgasm and I’m responsible for that. So I
ask for what I want. I started to really use my voice. And that was a huge improvement in
the satisfaction that I received in the lifestyle. Now I will say, I don’t see a lot of women do that.

[18:04] [Ed] I really don’t. No, I have very few partners that will verbally communicate, like explicit
directions. A lot of them are happy to say, I really like that or that’s good, which is great.

[18:21] [Phoebe] You’ll get like slow or don’t go too deep. Yes. That’s that’s just hard. I need to warm up more or
or the nipples thing is a big one. Sensitive on the nipples or bite them harder or yeah,

[18:36] [Ed] don’t pinch you. Right. Those things. Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes down to
it’s uncomfortable. Yes. And they speak up because they’re like, I don’t want this to continue.

[18:46] [Phoebe] Yes. Or it has happened in the past and they’re like, I don’t want this to impact my experience
with you. So I’ll just tell you upfront. But we’re moving past that. We’re moving to

[18:56] [Ed] how do you get them to orgasm? So yes. Yes. Yes. These were all, you know, don’t
back the car into the pole kind of things. And what we’re trying to get to is, okay, how do we
make this better? Yes. Let’s get to the let’s just do it. Let’s just do it. We’re going to get
to our five tips for making casual sex better. And this works for swingers. And it will probably
work for singles too because casual sex is still casual sex. Yes. Confidence about your body,

[19:28] [Phoebe] body image, confidence, your loving your body, feeling good in your skin. Right. And knowing where

[19:37] [Unknown] you’re confident to know, how do I want to say that? Confident, the compassion that you have

[19:46] [Phoebe] for yourself, be confident to have that compassion when you’re not feeling it that night or maybe
you don’t want to dress the theme that they have the night or maybe you don’t want to change into

[19:58] [Unknown] that lingerie at 10 o’clock or whatever. Right. Be compassionate to yourself. Have that confidence

[20:04] [Phoebe] do things that that will help your confidence. And also talk about the sex. Right. Talk about what

[20:14] [Unknown] you want. Maybe talk about what turns you on. Yeah. And I think I think the confidence component

[20:20] [Ed] is really important. Having confidence allows you to feel okay with saying what you like or what
you don’t like. And and be upfront about that. Yeah. I mean, we all struggle with confidence at

[20:36] [Phoebe] different moments of our lives and in different situations. You just try it on one time. And if

[20:44] [Unknown] anything, it’s fake until you make it. Yes. 100%. Communication. Everyone always talks about communication.

[20:52] [Phoebe] We also have done a polythera of episodes on communication. And what I want to talk about in this
area are three things, expectations, your desires and the rules of engagement. So expectations.
What are you looking for that night? Right. Right. Talk about what you’re in the mood for just
because you are typically a DTF person. You just want to go straight to it. That’s your thing.

[21:24] [Guest] Maybe you don’t want that that night. Right. Maybe you want a little more central play or maybe

[21:29] [Phoebe] you just want a little more warm up. Right. Right. Right. Or you’ve got a new partner and they don’t
know what your preferences are. So communicating that is key to having a much better experience.

[21:43] [Ed] Absolutely. Desires. Yeah. What kind of what are you looking for besides what your expectations
are? Like kind of what’s turning you on at the moment? Yeah. So you’ve got four people in a room
or three people in a room. Like do you want to watch what’s going on? Maybe you’re the fourth partner
and you just want to watch what’s going on? Or is it really I want all three people to have full
attention on my body? Yes. Yes. Yes. Or I want one woman on my face and the other one riding me.

[22:19] [Phoebe] Right. And then two more on each hand. Right. Right. Because you know it changes. These aren’t bucket lists
but they are things that it’s what you’re in the mood for that night. It’s really what you’re in
the mood for. Yeah. Honestly. Well said. Rules of engagement. What what you’re what you’re
into or what you’re willing to? You’re your rules, your game. Right. Like for example,
do you like spanking? Do you like oral? Do you like clitoral stimulation? Do you like a little of
the the choking? What what is it that are your rules? Yeah. And I think we’ve covered this

[23:03] [Ed] before but I I think every time we talk about it, it’s okay to repeat it because I don’t think
enough people do it. And that is don’t talk about the things that you’re not into. Right.
Talk about the things that you’re specifically into. So kind of like desires, it’s talk about what
you’re what things you want to physically happen. It’s okay to say I’m not I’m not down for
anal and I don’t like heavy spanking but you can pinch my naples a little bit. That that’s good.
That’s still good communication. But still talk about exactly what you want because that’s one
that sets much clearer boundaries because you you’ve got a path to that goal set out. Whereas
if you just say don’t do this and that there’s a lot of empty space between knots. Correct.

[24:00] [Phoebe] And it’s really hard to navigate that. Correct. Because you just say no spanking but you go but I

[24:05] [Ed] really like my naples pinched hard. Well you didn’t say that. You just said I don’t like spanking.
There’s a whole bunch of other menu items that you didn’t talk about. Exactly.

[24:20] [Phoebe] Be sexually assertive. I like assertive. I know you do. This is really important in casual
situations that are unfamiliar. These nonverbal assertive cues when you’re already engaged with
somebody are really really important. You may want to grab that person to bring them closer.

[24:45] [Unknown] You may want to use your voice to give them feedback. You may want to rub your clit

[24:54] [Phoebe] because that’s what gives you off. Don’t be shy to do that in front of a stranger if that’s

[24:59] [Unknown] what works with your other primary partner. Do it with this person. Don’t feel like it’s a
a slight or something against their skills. Honestly for most men they really like seeing that.

[25:17] [Ed] Absolutely. I can attest watching a woman go I’m going to use a toy and you at the same time.
I’m like oh hell yes please please can I watch? Yes and many many women will bring their

[25:32] [Phoebe] vibrator or favorite toy dildo to to the party. Right because it’s fun and it gets them off.
They get what they want for the evening and it’s a hell of a show. It’s 100% and some women
will like to share toys and there’s a whole other episode there on sharing toys and making

[25:56] [Unknown] sure they’re clean but we will get to that later. Passion and intimacy. So casual sex doesn’t

[26:04] [Ed] mean that there’s no intimacy. I mean you’re flirting with this person. You’re kind of making a
connection with them. At least that’s the goal. You want to turn them on so you’re trying to
understand them a little bit. You’re trying to become more intimate with them.

[26:22] [Phoebe] Right and we were touching on this earlier and there’s that misnomer that casual is just pure
physical pleasure but we can have like you said that that emotion component
and not be so so distant with one another. Yeah and I think for fear that we’re going to like

[26:43] [Ed] you know leave our partner and they’re yeah that that is a whole other level of
of there’s another tough yeah that we’re not getting it into in this particular episode.
But I think that there’s a I think even for men and I’m talking to you that there’s this
misunderstanding of what intimacy is. I have much better experiences when I’ve gotten to know the
woman and I feel like there’s some sexual chemistry. It’s not just physical attraction. It’s not
just that she gives a good blow job. It’s not just that she’s a lot of fun and bed.
Having that extra connection where it’s been a little flirty it makes the experience so much

[27:28] [Phoebe] better for me. Yes 100% and research actually indicates that this somewhat more of this

[27:37] [Unknown] closeness intimate passion does yield a more satisfying experience. Yeah.

[27:44] [Ed] Now I’ll throw in a little bit of a caution with this. One of our early experiences I was very
passionately kissing a woman on the dance floor and early on that can be a little intimidating
for your primary partner. So make sure everybody’s on the same page. Yes well and you may have

[28:03] [Phoebe] to walk through that. I mean I was never used to seeing you do that right. So it was highly

[28:10] [Ed] unusual and I agree it was very unusual. It’s a bit shocking to me. So I got a little triggered

[28:19] [Phoebe] but that doesn’t mean that can’t happen again that just we just go offline. We talk about it
later that evening or the next day. However a couple wants to do that and maybe you say yeah
you know I was triggered. You move past it and you can come back to that fun type of
make-out session again or maybe you can’t maybe you just decide that’s a real thing. That’s just a

[28:42] [Ed] thing right. Now I’ll also throw in we’ve been talking about kind of intimacy from like a sexual
standpoint but there’s a different kind of intimacy and this is one that you and I really like
and that’s kind of cuddle fucking. It’s the laughing about something because somebody made a
weird noise or somebody giggles or somebody says oh golly in the middle of having sex. Yeah

[29:08] [Unknown] yeah I’m not looking at anybody. It’s the fun aspect of it and I think kind of letting your

[29:16] [Ed] hair down as they say and just having a good time helps a lot with that and it’s not having a
good sexual time is just having fun with these people. These are new people who you’ve met and

[29:30] [Phoebe] you’re having a great great time with them. I know in fact I just recalled a shower scene
situation where we were in an orgy I get up you must have still been on the bed. I go to take a
shower because I was just drenched in sweat. The room was hot. I go take a shower. Some other guy
is done in the orgy room. He comes in. He doesn’t want to wait for the shower. Oh I remember that.
He opens the door and we’re all of a sudden we’re in the shower together and I’m like I didn’t
even play with this man. I didn’t even see him in the bedroom because it was a large bedroom and

[30:09] [Guest] they were on one corner and they were on the right and now you’re loofa buddies with this guy.

[30:13] [Phoebe] And now right so strangely intimate in the shower and I’m like this is a lot of fun. Yeah

[30:22] [Ed] this is a lot of fun and at the last house party we were at I was in the bathroom and it

[30:29] [Unknown] I had just finished having sex and I was I was relieving myself. I was urinating. Right right

[30:35] [Ed] and the door happened to be cracked open. Woman walked in and she goes wow comfortable. And I was
like you know what everybody’s seen everything at this point. I kind of not worried about it anymore

[30:48] [Phoebe] and she was like nice package. That’s right. Opened up all kinds of doors for stuff to happen
in the future just saying. Yep. It’s a great conversation there. I know that that same party
was really funny. Same thing similar happened to me. Someone walked in and we the woman and I
were chatting and I said you know what I’m just gonna use the bathroom but you can stay and she’s
like well I’m like no I don’t care. And so she’s talking to me. I don’t even know her. I’m peeing
on the toilet. I really don’t once again you’re naked you’re running around the house naked
everyone’s seeing everything. I’m like really I really don’t care if you see me peeing. It’s not a big deal.

[31:30] [Ed] I do it every day. It’s several times not any sexual at that point. So that’s the kind of
you know fun intimacy that we are talking about. It’s absolutely. All right. The fifth tip is

[31:48] [Phoebe] do you some caution and research shows that women connect sex and love more than men do. Yeah. Yeah.
And women desire fewer sexual partners than men on average. Right. And add it intimacy with

[32:12] [Unknown] others may or may not be for you or your partner. And it does require more communication practice

[32:21] [Phoebe] trial and error. Right. And there was a woman at one of the BDSM parties that we met and she was
very specific about what she said she was. She had a definition for it which I could remember.
But it was essentially she said I I attach very easily to people that I am sexually intimate with.
Therefore I cannot do that. Right. Because that affects me greatly and affects my partner greatly.
So I’m here to facilitate a good time to flirt with everybody and to help in any way I can. Right.
And I thought wow. That’s I really respected that she just came out and just said that out front.
She was very confident about it. And you knew exactly where she stood. So you knew where her
boundaries were and you knew not to push it. But you knew she gave you what you also needed which was
she likes to be flirty and you and she said you can touch me. Right. But I just want to have sex with
you. So just so we know a front no sex because that’s not what I do but flirting and kissing and
not that that’s my thing. And it all works that way. Right. Yeah. It’s great. So knowing those
boundaries and is good but you’re not always going to know that upfront. You’re going to have to test
those boundaries and that’s that communication and the love and respect that you have or one another

[33:52] [Unknown] to work through those challenges that next day is going to be really important for your long-term

[34:00] [Phoebe] swing or hobby or lifestyle if that’s how you want to look at it. So in conclusion casual sex

[34:09] [Ed] typically sucks. It’s not great in lifestyle because people go into it hoping that they can just
flop down on a bed have amazing sex and be done. Yeah. Thankfully it doesn’t work like that and
it does require a little bit of work on both partners to get to a really fun and enjoyable sexual

[34:33] [Unknown] experience. So communicate with your partner. Slow down to learn what they need, what they like

[34:41] [Ed] and tell them what you want and what you like and work towards having a little bit of intimacy

[34:48] [Unknown] to make those experiences even better for both of you. Well said. Thanks for listening and check us

[34:58] [Ed] out with all the rest of our episodes. You can check out our Patreon content at patreon.com slash
swinger university. You can email us and you can even call us at 916-538-0482. Leave us a message. Tell
us your dirtiest story. Tell us your experience. Tell us that you hate the podcast. Whatever. Just

[35:25] [Unknown] call us and leave us a message because we love to hear from you. We do. Thanks for listening.
Oh, one last thing before you go. If this episode helped you in any way, the single best thing you

[36:04] [Ed] can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review. It takes 60 seconds and helps new people
find us when they’re searching for relationship education. And we’ve made it easy. Visit swingeruniversity.com
forward slash review. All the instructions are there. Thank you for being part of this community.
We’ll see you again soon.