Body Image & Acceptance in the Lifestyle

[00:03] [Guest] Welcome to Swinger University. We’re learning is fun and sexy
Providing you lusty lifestyle lessons
Here are your hosts Ed and Phoebe
This is Ed and this is Phoebe

[00:24] [Ed] Today we’re talking about body image and confidence
How do you perceive yourself and compare yourself to others?
We always do it
So we’re gonna tell you how to use it to your advantage and create confidence and acceptance

[00:42] [Phoebe] Yes
Today we’re going to break it down by perception
comparison
Why our perception of ourselves
Doesn’t matter and how to create confidence

[01:01] [Unknown] Perception

[01:03] [Phoebe] It’s self-talk. We all know that and we’ve heard it and
And it goes to your mind plenty of times when you’re getting ready for these events

[01:12] [Unknown] Is anyone going to think I’m sexy? I mean my husband does but he doesn’t count

[01:23] [Phoebe] Yeah, he doesn’t count he counts, but he doesn’t count, you know

[01:26] [Ed] He has to say that
We’ve all heard it before I think everybody goes through those periods of
awkward
introspection where you kind of over-analyze yourself and think a little too hard about

[01:46] [Phoebe] How you’re feeling or how you’re looking right and then you add on that pressure before an event because you don’t really know what to expect so you try to
What you said over-analyze it and really it’s
It’s not it’s not that necessary. You just got to get out of your head
Yeah, it’s hard to do though. I mean I get it intellectually you say that but
It’s hard to do it until you practice it and you know just keep patting yourself on the back every time you gain a little more confidence and

[02:23] [Ed] Historically women are bombarded by these
photoshopped airbrushed
images of runway models and cosmopolitan and you know they
They’re not helping no with these depictions, but what is helping lately is a lot of companies are

[02:44] [Phoebe] Not doing that. They’re showing the real model real women

[02:50] [Ed] Yeah, it’s very refreshing not that supermodels are not real women, but right but they’re airbrushed also average
everyday
people you run into on the street not

[03:02] [Phoebe] The two percent of the population right they’re doing two things one showing real
average people and two they’re not doing their brushing like they used to right so it’s really nice

[03:13] [Ed] Yeah, you get to see stretch marks. You see women who are a little curvier

[03:17] [Unknown] you see

[03:20] [Ed] average proportioned women not

[03:23] [Unknown] You know overly proportioned women in one way or the other right yeah speaks to
Most of us. Yeah, yeah, I know

[03:34] [Ed] It’s great. Love it

[03:37] [Phoebe] So if you think you’re not sexy, you think you’re not out of shape
You think you have stretch marks or you have them, you know, just think it you have them you have C section
scars, you know
Or maybe you have a breast missing due to cancer
We’ll tell you about that story later. Yeah, it’s it’s all
These are all concerns that we
We we have about what our body currently looks like based on

[04:06] [Ed] Where we’re at well, and remember we’re talking about perceptions
This is how you’re perceiving those things sure not how other people look at them right so you tend to look at them and
think that other people would judge you by them and
and
that’s
Well, that’s not reality. That’s your perception of reality. Yeah

[04:33] [Phoebe] We all we all like I said we all know it and I’ll tell you why it doesn’t really matter in this way in a world

[04:43] [Unknown] Yeah

[04:45] [Phoebe] comparing
first thing we do is
we compare ourselves
to people in photos and people in person right go to an event or we meet a date and
We are instantly comparing. It’s just it’s what we do. Yeah, yeah, we we size up
Individuals and that’s been something that humans have done for millennia
There are a few tribes not remembering the country where they
Maybe Ed will be able to remember this once I launched in the story a little bit more
Where the tattoos for each tribe are different and so that when they recognize each other
and the forest and the jungle they know
They recognize their tattoos and know instantly what what area
they’re
Geographically from right and that’s really helpful to them because they’re
It tells them a lot of information like they’re friendly we can trade with them, etc
etc
So there’s this comparison, right and they have
De-markations on their skin to help with that right so it’s very informational based

[05:59] [Ed] Yeah, we’re we’re visual creatures and we we tend to look to look for things to
Get our bearings to judge friend or foe, etc

[06:11] [Phoebe] Like it’s it’s ingrained in us. Yeah, especially with all the different languages that have existed over time
I mean you can’t rely on language to make that connection and a lot of it’s gonna be visual

[06:22] [Ed] So a lot of the photos that we end up comparing are looking through profile photos, right?
So, you know, you’re browsing through and you find a couple
Husband things that the couple’s hot wife goes. Yeah, but she’s too hot
So no pass

[06:40] [Phoebe] That’s happened

[06:42] [Ed] It has happened
She’s to X Y or Z
Everybody who’s listening to this can relate to that in some respect
He’s too big. I feel inadequate
Yeah
She’s too, you know, you name an attribute and young

[07:01] [Phoebe] Yeah, yeah, something right. Yeah, I know it’s funny
So all of that, you know, obviously a waste of time

[07:10] [Unknown] So stop it

[07:12] [Phoebe] Also, what you’ll find is that the person online
never or rarely matches up to them in real life

[07:24] [Ed] Right, the photographs don’t
Match up with the live speaking person right in some way or another and we’ve talked about this before another episode where

[07:37] [Phoebe] you
One you’ve you’ve changed over time and that’s easy and then two is
You know this right you take your photo and you’re like, oh my god. You got my worst side
You know, it’s it’s that two-dimensional
Photograph, but in real life you’re just so much real
But in real life you’re more animated which makes everything better right yeah, it’s it’s less

[08:12] [Ed] flat and
it’s more flattering
in real life than
You know, maybe they had bad lighting in the photograph or right was taken with a cheap camera or

[08:23] [Unknown] Bad angle things like that right and of course then it could also be a fake photo

[08:29] [Phoebe] So, you know, we’ve been there and talked about that. So there you are

[08:33] [Ed] They paid a professional photographer and they had food war lighting and all kinds of fancy stuff and their pictures look
amazing
But they don’t look like that in real life because that was three hours in a makeup session to try and

[08:56] [Phoebe] The next thing we’re going to talk about is why our perception of ourselves

[09:02] [Unknown] doesn’t matter

[09:05] [Ed] We’ve all had conversations with people that we thought were totally hot
And then when you meet them and you’re actually trying to have a conversation with them. You’re like

[09:21] [Unknown] Hmm

[09:22] [Ed] Not quite what I expected. Yeah
This is not going well

[09:30] [Unknown] We’ve we’ve met people in the opposite spectrum too where

[09:37] [Ed] Average picture not too exciting right meet them in person
Great personality. Yeah, super sexy and flirty. Yes, and funny and engaged and just interesting

[09:50] [Phoebe] I mean and confident and confident. Yes
That’s what’s very sexy
confidence
So you’re getting the picture of people are more sexy in person and our advice is, you know
Go to a swing or club or an event and you’ll you’ll see all the different body types and the people

[10:11] [Ed] Enjoying themselves. Yeah, everybody has a good time. Yeah, or I should say everyone has the opportunity to have a good time. Yes

[10:20] [Phoebe] How to create this confidence you’re all asking you’re wondering like what all right? How do I do this?
for us
We stepped up our game
We started exercising more right which meant we felt better about ourselves
Because endorphins and all those happy hormones that we’ve talked about in other episodes. Yeah
And the bonus was we lost a little weight while doing it too, so

[10:47] [Ed] Yeah, and I feel confident I feel more confident when I’m exercising because
I just feel more upbeat like my blood’s flowing better
And I’ve got better posture. I
I’m not as tired or run down like I’ve got more energy. Right

[11:07] [Phoebe] Exactly. We whitened our teeth. We got new haircuts color
And then of course I did eyelashes and nails and spray tanning and we even did some Botox

[11:22] [Unknown] Got to stay looking young it’s I was opposed to it at first, but you know, it’s not so bad

[11:29] [Phoebe] It’s not so bad. You know you get over time you get the little frown in between your eyebrows
And you just look angry all the time or serious and when you get that those little lines
Conjected all of a sudden you look happy again. You look relaxed

[11:46] [Ed] Get rid of all those parental years that warrant your face right
Because I raised those lines. Yeah, all the grooming. I mean yeah shaving
Get in yourself all pruned and spruced before you and escaping before you go

[12:04] [Phoebe] Lazering if you’ve done some laser hair removal. No, let’s lasers are for cats
all right
knowing what you like
during sex and asking for it
very empowering and

[12:23] [Ed] Exciting to be on the receiving end of instructions because I love it when a woman tells me what

[12:29] [Unknown] she wants

[12:30] [Ed] Or to do more of something or to do something different because
Then there’s a dialogue. There’s something there’s communication going on and it’s a great conversation to be had
Yes, I mean we’re not talking about the weather. We’re talking about sex

[12:46] [Phoebe] Moving her closer to that goal post. Yes, and there’s that sense of power of

[12:55] [Unknown] You know control over

[12:58] [Phoebe] Yeah, control over
Pleasure of somebody else. It’s very intoxicating and then that kind of feeds
Back with the confidence. So it you should try it
just just put it in your mind that you you’re just gonna say
All right, this time at the Swinger event. I’m just gonna ask for someone to
Eat my pussy or I’m gonna ask someone to
lick it harder or I’m gonna ask someone to
Kiss me or have my neck or something, right? I have to do start small with one person and

[13:34] [Ed] The side effect for that too is
If you’re telling your partner what you want and you get what you ask for
You’re gonna have a better time to which of course makes it more fun and your confidence goes up
But the next time you go to an event. It’s going to be just as good. Oh, yeah
Yeah, so you start to build up though. It’s the fake it till you make it
Yes, yes, yes

[14:02] [Unknown] Dress up

[14:07] [Phoebe] Where lingerie if it makes you feel sexy

[14:11] [Ed] Upgrade your wardrobe. Yeah, get it get a fancy new outfit get it a new hot
dress and if you’re a guy
Dress up a little bit put the jeans back in the drawer put on some nice slacks
Yeah, something sexy

[14:31] [Phoebe] exactly
And the best way is to really try and get out of your head and
I know I said this earlier, but here’s a technique that worked for us
Go introduce yourself just walk up to somebody and just do it right high
I’m Phoebe. This is Ed. Who are you?

[14:53] [Ed] It projects confidence
Walking up to somebody just having the the guts to walk up to somebody and start a conversation
That
Couple that you go talk to is gonna be like wow
There they came to us. They came to talk to us
That’s kind of hot

[15:15] [Phoebe] Wow, I’m pretty soon. You’re like, oh, that wasn’t so hard and then you just then
If that’s all that you got for the night then call that a win, but guarantee you’re probably gonna be like
I need to try that again
And so then all of a sudden around the room

[15:33] [Unknown] Second second couple and then you’re like around the room third couple them pretty soon

[15:37] [Phoebe] You might be the butterfly and you’ve talked to 10 12 couples and then all night long
You’re running at people. Oh, yeah, I remember you. Oh, yeah, we said hi earlier than I found you. Let’s go to the playroom
Very quick just easy like that super super easy
One of the parties that we went to was on this massive houseboat. Yeah, it was a like a triple-decker houseboat

[16:08] [Ed] They had owned they owned that I think they had a hot tub on it. I’m pretty sure there was a hot tub. Yes, there was up top slides hot tub
lower
bedrooms

[16:21] [Phoebe] Full kitchen like yeah, it was like a house on the side. It was really nice

[16:27] [Unknown] Not like your normal rental house boats. This was yeah, this was pretty good

[16:31] [Ed] This was this was nice. They had it decorated on the inside
They had art up on the walls that kind of stuff. They had a massage table set up. Yes, which is where this part of the story

[16:41] [Phoebe] Yeah, yeah, so tell it so we’d

[16:47] [Ed] Met a number of couples. We’d have been invited by one couple and
We were being introduced it was a birthday party if I remember right yeah and
We were having a great time meeting lots of people and
We get introduced to this couple. He’s a DJ
I don’t remember that you don’t remember that. Yeah, he’s a DJ and
His wife was very attractive. She had a great personality
great skin beautiful face and
Great personality, but what was really interesting about this woman
despite the confidence that she exuded
She had lost one of her breasts to breast cancer. Yeah, and
She she didn’t have it augmented. No

[17:45] [Phoebe] And was a little and and was a little self-conscious about it, right?
But not to the point where it kept her from having a good time right and it didn’t detract from her

[18:01] [Unknown] Sex appeal at all. Oh, no not at all. No, I mean I

[18:08] [Phoebe] They they brought it up
She I think she apologized for it and we were all like
What really you’re naked on this massage table. We didn’t even notice
I mean we noticed that you have a breast, but like the fact that the other ones missing is not like
Like there’s so much of you that sexy like we just went. Oh
She’s minus a breast big deal. Yeah, like we didn’t I mean eight or eight of us standing around the bed
Because it was a group massage
Yeah, it’s multi-hand massage or like oh, yeah, whatever

[18:44] [Unknown] Yeah, but it’s an even a thing. No, it wasn’t a thing and it was amazing

[18:49] [Phoebe] It was I mean to this day obviously we we still remember that and I remember her and I just I I thought wow, you know she can
Lay herself down on massage table for an eight people with one breast
then that’s
I applaud her confidence and yeah, it was it was great
Yeah, it was really nice. It was it was a great moment so much fun and we’ve run into them

[19:18] [Ed] One other time up at poker nights and great still a great couple very sexy. Yeah, a lot of fun. Is that where they live?

[19:26] [Phoebe] Yeah, yeah, they’re in

[19:28] [Ed] They’ll be you know very often. Yeah, we haven’t seen them in forever

[19:33] [Phoebe] Maybe they’ll be here for the next upcoming event

[19:37] [Ed] Maybe I haven’t seen them on this side of the hill in
Years, but who knows this will be our first

[19:45] [Phoebe] Event after COVID the first hotel takeover event. It’s been like a year and a half
Yeah, we’re looking forward to so yes the haircuts happening their hair colors happening the softening happening everything’s happening

[20:00] [Unknown] The nails a little that it’s busy week. Yep, and eyelashes trim, trim, trim, beauty beauty

[20:09] [Phoebe] It’s it’s fun for me. It’s fun. It’s not necessary, but it’s fun. It’s part of the process
But I think you enjoy the ritual of it. I like the ritual of it because it seems to Matt make the event last longer
Because it’s only one night, you know, so you’re a little build up before although
The memory of the night after it’s over does last quite a while too, so it’s good, you know, it’s all good

[20:41] [Unknown] Inclosing

[20:43] [Phoebe] Competence matters bottom line confidence is sexy my observation
Many people in lifestyle seem to be secure and free to just be
Just be themselves and and and it’s beautiful in its own right just to be free and it may seem that the perception is that everyone has
Has this all figured out, but it’s it’s really not true. No, we’re all fake in it. Yeah
I’ll make it and
You know, there’s someone for everyone at these events and resorts
Sexy truly is in the eye of the beholder
What what turns one person on is different for first for somebody else

[21:30] [Ed] So go to the next event with your your confident thoughts. Yeah, introduce yourself
and
Fake it till you make it
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[22:46] [Unknown] Oh one last thing before you go if this episode helped you in any way

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