Are you Ready for Separate Room Full Swap?

[00:00] [Ed] Hi, this is Ed.

[00:01] [Phoebe] And this is Phoebe.

[00:02] [Ed] Have you ever considered separate room play?
We’ve been thinking about it more lately
and have a couple in mind we might try it with.
We’re going to have a candid discussion
about what that would look like
and why we are considering it.

[00:17] [Phoebe] Welcome to Slinger University with Ed and Phoebe.
But first we want to thank seven of our patrons this month.
So we’re going to give you a shout out.
Mahmoud, Michael, Robert, Fred, Patrick, the Texas couple,
and Burberry. Thank you so much for your patronage.
We really appreciate it.

[00:49] [Ed] So this is a little different format for us.

[00:50] [Unknown] We’re going to kind of just dig in.

[00:54] [Phoebe] I know. It’s a candid discussion.
We went on a play date.
We’ve had a couple play dates actually
with this particular couple.
And we’re very comfortable with them.
And they play at different speeds.
Describe these different speeds.

[01:14] [Ed] She’s kind of a get straight to business lady.
Yes, she is.

[01:20] [Unknown] And the gentleman is a little bit more of a warm and smooth

[01:26] [Ed] kind of get into it slowly.

[01:29] [Phoebe] Yes, which I really love.
And he misses that type of interaction with her.
He gets it obviously.
There are a couple.
He does get that time with her.
But he doesn’t really get to dive into it because she’s,
she gives a little and he gives a little.
So she’s more DTF and he likes to take his time.
So when he and I are together,
we have spent, oh my goodness.
I don’t know, 20 minutes, half an hour, just for play.
Smooching and caressing and just doing all the
contract maneuvers, you know, just.

[02:20] [Ed] Yeah, lots of warm up.
You you really like to warm up slowly.

[02:25] [Phoebe] I am exercise with and everything activities with everything.

[02:31] [Ed] Like there’s kind of this slow build up for
getting in the mood for whatever it is.

[02:38] [Phoebe] Right.
So he plays to that for me.
And you are happy to accommodate her.

[02:45] [Unknown] So when we’re in the same room, it’s a little distracting,

[02:52] [Phoebe] but not in a bad way.

[02:53] [Ed] It’s just, it’s kind of like watching two movies at the same time.
There’s an action movie playing.
Yes.
And there’s a romantic kind of
just period documentary going on.
Yes, yes, so far.

[03:09] [Phoebe] It is exactly like that.

[03:12] [Unknown] So that’s why I say it’s a, you know, it’s a little distracting

[03:17] [Phoebe] because I kind of just want to focus on the documentary and the romance.
You know, I’m not sitting down for an action movie, right?
Right.
So that different speed plays kind of making me think,
you know, maybe, maybe that I can just be okay with removing that distraction
and really focus on that experience with him.
Right.
And because they are the couple that they are and we are so comfortable with them,
I think I could be completely okay being in a separate room without you there
having my own experience and then coming together after.

[04:01] [Ed] Now what’s interesting is when we first started swinging,
we’d considered separate room play for a completely different reason.

[04:09] [Unknown] Although it was similar, we’d, we were distracted by each other and what was going on

[04:17] [Ed] mostly because it was uncomfortable for you to watch me having sex with someone else.
And you’ve gotten more comfortable with that.
So you like watching that now.
Right.
But early on, we had considered separate room,
but there was a downside to it too.

[04:38] [Phoebe] Right.
And but before you go to the downside, the other benefit of thinking that way was that
being new in the lifestyle, there’s, there’s so much visual and auditory.
Right.
So many senses are being bombarded at the same time, right?
There’s a lot of stimulus happening and it was difficult to just focus on what was going on.

[05:03] [Ed] Right.

[05:04] [Phoebe] And so I thought, you know, gosh, you know, separate room might help alleviate some of that over stimulation.
And I have a problem with being overstimulated in public places.
I’m a very visual.
So I tend to take in a lot of information very quickly.
And so I get overwhelmed quickly.
So I got separate room play might be great.

[05:27] [Ed] One of the other things that we experienced pretty early on with that kind of over stimulation
or distraction that was going on in the room, we noticed other play partners would have some
ED issues because they were so distracted by everything that’s going on.
It’s kind of overwhelming.

[05:47] [Phoebe] Yes.

[05:48] [Ed] So that’s another potential reason for separate room play.
Like if you’re distracted to the point where you can’t focus to become aroused,
maybe that distance or that space would help.

[06:03] [Phoebe] Right.
And I think and it haven’t really straight up asked anybody their reason why because sometimes
in a in a group party or at a house party, you know, you don’t want to like really interview
people, right?
We’re in the mood.
We’re we’re we’re socializing and stuff.
But a lot of people do like to be behind closed doors.
They don’t like to be out in the open.
And I think a lot of that just really does have to do with distraction.

[06:30] [Ed] Another positive or another reason why you might consider separate room play is
it’s actually exciting for you to have the mental images without the visuals to go along with it.
Some couples really like to tell the story about how it went down and how much fun and all of the
juicy sexy details afterwards when they reconnect that hot wife scenario.
If you’re watching it, it’s not quite the same as if you’re hearing about your hot wife tell you
about it after the fact.
So there is that kind of
sensual almost picturing it yourself in your own head as to how it played out that fantasy
that you can relive later.

[07:16] [Phoebe] Yes.
Yes.
And we decided early on that we we would probably suck at
trying to describe all the details.
Right.

[07:27] [Unknown] And because I am so visual, I needed to see everything.

[07:33] [Phoebe] I needed to be there.
But it was a double-edged sword, right?
Right.
Because then it was overwhelming.

[07:38] [Ed] I think we just need to get better at practice with telling dirty stories to each other so that we can get all
the juicy, drippy details about it.
We could practice.

[07:51] [Unknown] Yeah.

[07:51] [Phoebe] We could practice.
And you know, maybe this is the opportunity to do that, right?
Right.

[07:56] [Unknown] Around the right couple, they play at different speeds.

[08:00] [Phoebe] I can have my alone time.
You can have your alone time.
We can come back together in the kitchen for snacks.
I’m kind of liking this idea.

[08:08] [Unknown] Yeah.

[08:08] [Ed] They’re very safe.

[08:10] [Phoebe] They’re very, you know, like I said, comfortable.
And I think that’s the key.
I wouldn’t do this with every couple.

[08:16] [Ed] No, definitely not.

[08:18] [Phoebe] It’s very couple specific.

[08:20] [Ed] Yeah, especially for us.
But I think for a lot of people,
that separate room dynamic has some downsides.
And actually, this is a good segue.
Some of the downsides are if you’re still struggling with your partner having sex with someone else,
not being there to see exactly what’s going on to be reassured that nothing wrong is going on.
Whatever your definition of wrong is, yeah.
Is long that everybody’s playing by the rules that you’ve agreed to.
And you’ve got any kind of jealousy issue.
Separate room play is probably not a good thing for you.
Because once again, that fantasy, what you turn that
scenario into in your own head will go crazy.
It will go way out from probably what really happened,
which may have been a completely boring,
maybe not even exciting sex because she didn’t orgasm
because he wasn’t paying attention to her, etc, etc.
We’ve all had bad play experiences.
So there is that aspect of it.

[09:27] [Unknown] The other thing I really found surprising

[09:32] [Phoebe] with this interaction with this couple was I actually had an orgasm.
Yeah.
And I will I say it like that because it was a good one.

[09:42] [Unknown] And it was I believe because of the warm up.

[09:47] [Phoebe] Yes, there have been some very nice interactions with play,
but typically it’s not your mind-blowing type of orgasm
because there’s no time.
There’s distractions.
And you, because of the setting that we’re typically in,
we’re in a club, it’s an orgy.
There’s multiple people again.

[10:12] [Ed] Hurry up.

[10:13] [Phoebe] Hurry up.
Someone wants to use the bed.
Or again, someone’s partner is distracted by somebody else

[10:20] [Unknown] and they need to go pay attention to them, take care of them,

[10:26] [Phoebe] be with them.
So then your pleasure is stunted, right?
So it’s a little like ADD sex.
So because we didn’t have all that,
and I got that great warm up, it was very nice.
Yeah.
It’s very nice.

[10:44] [Ed] Another downside that it’s worth mentioning is if you’re not present
to see what’s going on, you might actually miss out on some key experiences.
We’ve had some experiences where it wasn’t exactly separate room,
but it was.
We were in a hotel room.
It was just a very big room.
Big room.
There were multiple levels to the room.
And I happened to be on a different bed with a lady.
And you were downstairs with some gentlemen.
And I missed that whole interaction with you and two guys.

[11:21] [Unknown] Right.
And I, I’ve seen it repeated.

[11:24] [Ed] So it’s, it’s okay.
But that first opportunity,
because I wasn’t there, I missed it.

[11:32] [Phoebe] And you’ll never get it back.

[11:33] [Ed] And you can’t get it back.
Right.

[11:34] [Unknown] There’s only, there’s only once for the first time.
Yeah, exactly.

[11:39] [Ed] So that’s something to consider.
If you’re new, you’re going to miss out on some of these things first hand.
Right.
Right.

[11:48] [Phoebe] So what’s our, I guess our next step is to just approach them and see what happens.
I’m sure they would say yes.

[11:56] [Unknown] I think so.

[11:58] [Ed] Wait, I don’t remember if we’ve had that conversation with them about separate play.
Although we do know that he has a history of being a single male
right with other couples, right.
And I think she’d even played as a unicorn for a while.
So this might actually be an opportunity.

[12:19] [Phoebe] I’d be surprised if it, they said no.
But I’m prepared for anything.
Honestly, if they don’t, I’m not going to be offended.

[12:29] [Ed] As they say, if you don’t ask, you don’t know.

[12:32] [Phoebe] Exactly.
So we know some primary partners go on separate play dates.
We aren’t there yet.
And I’m not sure, you know, we would, we would be.
But we are considering the separate room play with a particular couple.

[12:51] [Unknown] Oh, one last thing before you go.

[13:31] [Ed] If this episode helped you in any way,
the single best thing you can do to support the show is leaving a rating and review.
It takes 60 seconds and helps new people find us when they’re searching for relationship

[13:44] [Unknown] education. And we’ve made it easy.

[13:48] [Ed] Visit SwingerUniversity.com forward slash review.
All the instructions are there.
Thank you for being part of this community.

[13:58] [Unknown] We’ll see you again soon.